My Sexy Awakening

Confessions

It was around 4 when I finally got home. I took a very long bath, pampered myself, scrubbed my skin, put on a facial mask, and then proceeded to prepare my killer dessert. I cook the best lemon pie on the entire planet. I wanted to give something special to Paul. I also put together a playlist filled with tunes about the self-discovery journey he helped me take. It had all types of different songs, like "Light my fire," "Fever," "s*x bomb," "Witchcraft," "Killing me softly," and many more. It was named "The to Paul with love playlist." He is always the giver, and I wanted to show him how much I appreciate all he has done for me.

As soon as Anne, his housekeeper, rang the bell and delivered the dinner, I asked her to please bring the pie I cooked for Paul. I put the pie in a box that I hand-painted especially for him. She gave me the sweetest look ever, and with teary eyes, she said something that broke my heart: " Thank you, sweetheart. I have known Paul since he was a toddler, and I love him like my own. I think this is the first time that a woman wants to give him something instead of taking something away from him." How is it possible that such a sweet man has not been spoiled thoroughly? That's something else I will have to find out… Ten minutes later, I heard Paul's voice.

-Hello darling, are you ready for dinner?

-Hi Paul, I am. Did you get my gift?

-I did. It looks delicious. And the box was beautiful. Did you paint it?

-Yes, I wanted to do something special for you, so I came up with the idea of hand painting the box. I am certainly not Picasso, but I was an art and design minor in college, after all. I have another gift for you. Please check your cellphone. I just sent you a link. Open it.

-Let me see. Yes, here it is.

As soon as he opened it, the first song started to play. When he heard Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy," he nearly died laughing. Then nothing. Not even a sound, besides music.

-Paul, are you there? Paul?

-Yes, I am here, darling. It's just that… I never… I don't think I ever got a gift made especially for me. This is so thoughtful, so sweet. I am just not used to this. It's like Anna told me.

-What did she say?

-She said, "this woman is special, and she cares about you." And I know she was right.

-You deserve to be treated like this. You are selfless, thoughtful, and probably the best listener in the western hemisphere. I cannot believe you are still single.

-Technically, I am not; I got divorced one year ago.

-I am so sorry Paul.

-I am not; I am grateful. It was not a happy marriage. Remember when you described what you saw between your sister and her husband? That was never our case.

-Why would you say that? What's the story, Paul, if I may ask?

-Sure, we are friends; you may ask anything you want. I met Vivian six years ago, and she pursued me relentlessly. She is a gorgeous woman, in a Barbie sort of way. She is also very ambitious. Everything about her is fake; her nose, her t**s, her smile, even her words. The worst part is that I always knew it. Even my grandfather, who met her briefly, warned me as soon as he saw her. When you told me what happened when you met Ethan, I immediately related to your story. My grandparents raised me, and they were my only close family, with my sister Xandy. My grandfather passed away six years ago, soon after my grandmother did. I met Vivian a few months before my grandfather died, at a time when Xandy, who is very close to me, was living abroad with her husband. After losing my grandfather, I felt so lonely that it hurts to remember. Anna and my best friend Anthony were my only source of emotional support.

-I am so sorry you felt that way…

-Thank you, Andrea. I took over the family business from one day to the next, and working became the only outlet for my pain. Slowly, Viviane was becoming a part of my life. She helped me with the charities that my grandmother used to run, she managed the dinners I needed to organize to entertain my business partners, and she provided a steady dose of hot s*x. After one year, she began to pressure me to commit. She wanted a ring, and she used s*x as a bargaining chip. Now that I look back, I realize she was a manipulative b***h, but I was in a dark place at the time. I felt lonely, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of running the family company, so I gave her the f*****g ring. She convinced me to get married five months later.

-Did you love her then?

-No, Andrea, but it felt like a good arrangement at the time. As soon as we got married, Vivian started to change. She began to have regular tantrums to get what she wanted: expensive jewelry, plastic surgery, luxurious cars, 5-star trips, you name it. I was under a lot of pressure from expanding the family business, so I could not take her to a Caribbean resort whenever she wanted me to, so she started to travel alone or with her friends and relatives. I was so relieved when she was not around that I kept financing all her friend's and family vacations.

-So you suspect she was with you because of the money?

-I am sure that's right. I wanted very badly to have kids. Viviane stopped birth control, but nothing happened. She said that I was why she was stressed out and could not get pregnant. She accused me of being an absentee husband; she said I was selfish and useless. She even said I was lucky to have her because nobody would ever love me. The worst part is that I started to believe her. I had to rush her to the ER one day because she had peritonitis. She went straight to surgery. When I asked the doctor if he could make sure she was not pregnant, he said it was improbable because she had an IUD. I could not believe it. Supposedly, we have been trying to get pregnant for the past months. I never told her that I knew about the IUD, and I started doubting everything she said after that. I asked an acquaintance of mine, a private investigator, to check on her. I learned that she had two lovers, her personal trainer and my best friend, Anthony. That hurt the most. I immediately asked her for a divorce and paid her handsomely to disappear from my life.

-Paul… This is awful. I am so so sorry. You must know that you are nothing like she said you are. You are generous, caring, and lovable. You will make a woman extremely happy one day, and you will be the best father ever. I hope you do not give up on love. Please do not. You deserve happiness and to have your own family with a woman that appreciates what a wonderful man you are. You deserve to love and to be loved. I mean it.

-Thank you, Andrea. Your words mean a lot to me. Do you know that I never told this story to anyone except my sister Xandy? Anne knows pieces and bits, but she never liked Vivian either. After we divorced, I learned that she treated my workers like s**t. My assistant, my secretary, the gardener, the driver, Anne, everyone seemed relieved after I got a divorce.

-So, the one-night stands started after you divorced her?

-Yes, I f*****g hate cheaters, and I never cheated on Vivian, not even after I learned about her lovers. s*x was always critical in my life, and I have a very high s*x drive, but Vivian emotionally drained me, so casual s*x and no repeats were all I had after the divorce. All my s****l partners knew the drill. I was upfront with them. I never lied or misled anyone.

-Paul. I am so sorry she did not appreciate what a wonderful man you are. You deserve the world.

-You have no idea how much you have helped me since we met, Andrea. You are the only thing I am really looking forward to, excepting work. I think I have never felt this in my life for a woman. You know I haven't been with anyone else since your self-discovery journey started? I mean, I jerk off daily thinking about you. I am developing a severe case of blue balls, that's for sure. But what I feel for you is strong. It doesn't feel right to be with anyone else.

-You know why I did not want to meet you in person, Paul?

-No darling, tell me.

-Because I also feel a powerful connection to you. I never felt this way for any other man. And I am afraid of losing you. What would happen when you realize that I am a lousy lover and that what you think I am doesn't come close to what I really am? Today, Tom made fun of me for not wanting to meet you. I told Mariana and Tom about you, how wonderful you are, and that, because I like you so much, I do not want to meet in person because I do not want to risk what we have. He was like, isn't that the main reason why you should want to meet this man? It was funny.

-So, do you think we should meet in person next week, Andrea?

-Let me think about it for a few days. I am not sure if I am ready yet. I am so afraid of losing you. Let's talk about this next Friday, after our regular meeting across the fence. What do you think?

-Deal. I hope you realize there is no way I will be disappointed after meeting you, Andrea. Honestly, I am worried that you will find me unattractive. I will send you a picture of me so you can make an informed decision.

-Paul, my brain is not wired that way. I do not care about looks and money. You already have me because you are unique, but I do not feel special. Let's talk on Friday, OK? This night has been very emotional, so I think the wise thing is to decide after we have some time to process our feelings.

-You are right, darling, let's talk about this on Friday, but I do not think I can wait one entire week without knowing about you. I felt miserable this week and missed you so much.

-Call me whenever you want. I mean it.

-I will, Andrea, I will.

We stayed up until midnight. I cannot believe we had five hours of intense conversation, pouring our hearts over, sharing our most intimate thoughts and fears. Yet, there was only one fear that I did not share with Paul. What if I keep falling for him, but he doesn't fall in love with me? I am not sure my heart could bear the pain.