Turning love into hate.

AlwaysBeenYou

I woke up with a very painful heart.

It was my Aunt's burial that day. After the funeral, we were serving people who came to grieve with us in this painful time.

As we were busy with people, that's when I saw him.

A short, yellowbone guy with a sharp smile looking straight at me.

I was about to go away when he shouted my name.

He was the boy I met years back during our primary and high school days.

He was the first of my forever.

For a moment I felt light in the darkness of that day.

We exchanged numbers. He promised to meet up again.

Then he left.

And I could hear the emptiness when he left me.

That's when I knew he was my forever, or so I thought.

Late that day he called.

Then he called again.

My eyes were locked on my phone notifications with hope and disappointment.

When he finally called me, he only said one simple line that changed everything:

"The day we buried my Aunt is the day my life changed."

This young men was my primary school friend and during my high school days we tried dating but distance took part it separated us.

this time it felt like we're given a second chance to do things right this time. My hands were shaking when I answered.

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"The day we buried my Aunt is the day my life changed," she said again, quieter this time.

There was silence. I could hear him breathing.

Then he said, "Because that was the day I saw you again.

And I realized I never stopped loving you."

My heart stopped.

At my Aunt's funeral. In all that pain.

He found me.

"Can we meet?" he asked.

"Tomorrow. Please. I need to tell you everything."

my eyes filled with tears like a summer rain "I know, I know what happened before don't be scared" he said.

"sure see you tomorrow" I agree meeting up with him but my heart and mind took over as they were articulating and having "I'll see you tomorrow."

I agreed to meet up with him, but my heart and mind took over.

Questions. So many questions.

Why now?

Why at my Aunt's funeral?

Why did he disappear for years just to come back on the worst day of my life?

That night I didn't sleep.

The house was quiet. Too quiet.

Everyone had gone home after the funeral.

Only me, the photos on the wall, and the smell of flowers that wouldn't leave.

I sat on my bed holding my phone.

His number wasn't saved.

But I knew it.

07... the same digits from high school.

The same boy who once told me I had the prettiest smile when I cried.

I remembered Grade 11

He waited for me after school every day for 2 weeks straight,

just to just call me on my way Back home, that was out routine

He remembered my favorite chips. Grape.

He remembered every little detail about me.

We tried dating in Grade 11.

For 11 months it was perfect.

Notes in class. Secret looks. Promises.

Then I he moved because of school I was left at home

Distance killed us before we even started. Days,months and years nothing from him only everlasting memories and love

Now he was back.

Saying "I never stopped loving you."

At a funeral.

I laughed to myself. A sad, broken laugh.

Of all the places to find love again... it had to be here? Funeral?

At 3am I finally slept.

And I dreamed of him.

Not the man from today.

The boy from before.

Smiling.

Holding my hand.

Saying "don't be scared."

I woke up to my phone buzzing.

8:00

Message from him:

"Good morning. Still on for today"

My stomach dropped.

Today was the day.

"Yes" I said.

I hated him but I was still in love with him.

I was mad at myself for still loving him this much after so many years.

How could this be happening? Ooh lord!

I went by my day until my phone rang.

My heart pounded with happiness and I was scared.

I saw him walking towards my house.

I had a lot to say and ask, but I quickly remembered that last time I had hope in us but nothing happened.

"I won't say much or say anything confusing. Monica, you were my first love.

I still love you. Nothing has changed. It has always been you."

He said.

A lot of confusion.

I went silent.

My rainy eyes were giving answers that I did not have.

My mind and my heart started fighting.

Right there. In front of him.

**Mind:** "Don't do it. Don't believe him."

She was sharp. Cold. Arms crossed.

"Remember last time? Remember how he left?

Remember the nights you cried into your pillow?

He's just back because he's lonely. Don't be stupid, Monica."

**Heart:** "But what if he means it this time?"

She was soft. Shaking. Holding her chest.

"Look at his eyes. They’re the same eyes from Grade 11.

The ones that looked at you like you were the whole world.

What if this is our second chance? What if God brought him back?"

**Mind:** "God didn't bring him back to a funeral, Heart.

That's cruel. That's timing.

Protect yourself. You worked so hard to stop loving him."

**Heart:** "I never stopped."

Her voice broke.

"Not for one single day. I just pretended to."

I stood there frozen between them.

One telling me to run.

The other begging me to stay.

And him?

He was just watching me.

Waiting to see which one of me would win.

My rainy eyes blinked.

"Can we... can we talk?" The words came out small.

Deep down I was already numb.

And I knew I was not ready to give answers now because I had no one to listen to.

My mind was completely shutting down, like it always does when it's scared.

I'm siding with heart.

Do I trust heart? No.

It always sees good and convinces me to give several last chances.

"Hell no! I am not ready for this"

That’s what my mind was screaming.

But I knew what I wanted in my heart.

"I... I miss your thunder voice and warmth but I don't think I'm up for another betrayal" I said.

he seem to be more serious and honest this time but still I can't let my guide down. "Why did it have to be today. After so many years."

He exhaled. Ran a hand through his hair.

The same nervous habit he had back then.

"Because I was a coward, Monica."

The truth hit me like cold water.

"I should've called years ago. I should've fought for us.

But I thought... I thought if I left, it would be easier for you."

Easier?

My chest hurt.

"Nothing was easy" I whispered.

"Not one single day without you was easy."

He looked at me then. Really looked at me.

And for the first time in 3 years, I saw it.

No walls. No lies. No running.

Just him. Raw.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked.

I didn’t answer. I just nodded.

"I went on dates. I tried to move on.

I told myself you were just my first love.

That I’d forget."

He laughed bitterly.

"But every girl smiled wrong.

Every conversation felt empty.

Every night ended with me thinking of you."

The crickets went quiet.

Even my heart stopped.

"Today, standing at that funeral, watching you cry..."

His voice cracked.

"I realized something, Monica."

He stood up. Looked down at me.

"I realized you’re the woman for me."

"Not my first love."

"My last."

"My only."

Tears fell before I could stop them.

My mind was screaming RUN.

My heart was screaming STAY.

And I had no answer.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**