Always On His Mind

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"But I thought the highest worship of the Lord was love. Wouldn't that mean that if we got married, it would only prove our devotion to God?”

It was a good argument, thought Beth Barrett as she gazed at the young woman with a high ponytail and flowery, plastic barrettes in her hair. Too bad the voice making it was high-pitched with a nasally whine.

Beth sat in the Youth Pastor's office. She didn't sit behind the desk. She sat just off to the side, next to the youth pastor as he attempted to counsel the young couple before them. Beth wore a placid smile on her face as the two teens put forth their argument that they be allowed to marry without their parents' consent.

“We love each other, and we want to be together,” the young girl said.

Her whine raised an octave on the last word. Beth winced at the dog whistle note. Luckily, she was able to cover her discomfort with a sigh she hoped would be translated as sympathetic.

Pastor Walter Vance smiled over at her. Though Beth wasn’t sure if it was at her sigh? Or if he was appreciative of her faked compassion?

She assumed the latter when Walter steepled his fingers and nodded at the young man and woman. Nathaniel Green, the hopeful fiancé, sat upright, holding Nathalie Brown’s hand.

Yes, that was their names. Nat Brown and Nat Green. The similarities in their names had pushed them together all their lives. With their last names being close in the alphabet they were often seated next to or near each other in the public schools of their small town. Nat and Nat started dating just before high school and had never stopped. A romantic person might call it fate. Their parents called it too soon.

"You know my hands are tied until you’re both eighteen," said Walter.

“He is eighteen,” Nathalie insisted.

“Yes, but you’re not,” Walter said patiently.

“I’m seventeen and three months old.”

“Plenty of time to start planning a wedding,” Beth added helpfully.

In response, Nathalie cut her with a death glare. Beth sat back in her seat and resumed her silence. She dropped the forced smile. She rarely had to force her smiles in church. Only when, as part of her duties as the pastor’s daughter, she had to sit and listen to those who cared more about their way than what was right.

Luckily, Walter was there to pick up the gauntlet. “Even when you reach the age of majority, don't you want your parents’ blessing?"

"They're never going to give it to us,” said Nathaniel. “My mom wants me to go to college, get a degree, explore the world and other people.”

“I love it here,” Nathalie was saying. “I’ve never wanted to live anywhere but here. I've never wanted to be anything but a wife and a mom. Is that so bad?"

Natalie looked to Beth for an answer. Beth wished she disagreed with the young girl. But they had the exact same aspirations.

Beth had her Associate’s degree, which she’d earned from courses at the local college. Unlike many of her former schoolmates, she had no desire to explore the world outside of their town. More than anything in the world, she wanted to be a wife and a mom.

Walter gazed down at her, as though he knew the trajectory of her thoughts. He covered her left hand with his, resting his thumb on the rock he’d put there not long ago.

“I’m a traditional woman like you, Nathalie,” Beth said.

“Thank you,” Nathalie exclaimed as though Beth had entirely cosigned her argument.

“But,” Beth continued. “I couldn’t imagine walking down the aisle without my father at my side. Can you?”

Nathalie pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose like the child she still was. “But don't you believe in love? Don't you know when it's true and the only thing you want?"

Beth did know all about that. She'd been in love since before she understood what the word meant. She'd felt the feelings the first time she'd laid eyes on the man of her dreams. She’d loved nothing more than gazing into his blue eyes.

Walter’s smiling brown gaze settled on her, shining with admiration. Beth cleared her throat, but words failed her.

"I mean, didn't you know that when you said yes to marrying Pastor Vance?"

Now all eyes were on her. Vocal Natalie, silent Nathaniel, patient Walter.

Beth was not a liar. What she was was a coward. She’d never told Reece Cartwright how she felt about him all the years of their lives. No, she’d wimped out and written him a letter confessing her feelings. He’d never responded. And then he’d gone missing.

Just thinking about him now Beth felt a burning in her heart for what it would never have. Her inner lip burned from biting down. All eyes remained on her, waiting for her response. In times like these, she did what she always did, she turned to the Lord.

"I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:13 where it says that faith, hope, and love abide, but of those three, love is the greatest.”

Nathalie’s face lit up once again, likely assuming that Beth was championing her cause.

“However,” Beth continued, “just because love is the greatest thing in the world, it doesn't mean you can ignore faith and hope. It’s hard for faith to take root when you’ve planted doubts in someone’s mind and heart. Ask yourself if you’ve done that with your parents.”

Nathaniel looked far off. Beth knew she’d reached him as he nodded while pursing his lips.

Nathalie sighed and rolled her eyes. But she didn’t argue Beth’s point. It looked like Beth had gotten through to both of them.

“I think you should take some time to show your parents the truth of your commitment. Let their faith in you be restored. Give it some time to grow and hope that they will come around to see the path you both wish to take. But, no, I don’t believe you can force it."

The two would-be newlyweds looked at each other. Nathaniel lifted a brow. Nathalie lowered her lashes and gave him a barely perceptible head nod.

Beth smiled, a real smile this time. These two were in sync. They knew each other. They would make it. They left the office hand in hand, walking at a more subdued pace toward their future.

"Have I told you how much I am looking forward to not only marrying you but sharing my duties with you?"

Walter brought her knuckles to his lips for a light kiss. When he gazed up at her, there was a brightness in his brown eyes, turning them more hazel than coffee. It was the bright look of love that shone from his eyes.

Beth knew the look because she'd seen it reflected back at her many a time when she’d looked into Reece Cartwright’s clear blue eyes. She’d been only seeing her reflection. Reece had never looked at her that way. And he never would.

For weeks, she'd mourned the loss of her first love when he’d been declared missing in action by the military. Only to find out last month that Reece might be alive. Though that had brought her relief, she was still out of sorts.

She'd written Reece a letter three months ago; a letter confessing her love for him. He hadn't written back. He'd always written her faithfully be it over email or a handwritten note. But he'd gone silent after that revealing missive.

He might have never received it. Military mail could be delayed, especially when soldiers were deployed. Whether he’d received it or not, she hoped more than anything that he was still alive and would soon be found.

But for now, Beth had chosen to move on. She’d waited her whole life for Reece Cartwright to love her, and it was clear he did not.

She turned back to Walter, who was still waiting for her response to his compliment. Beth reached out and grasped the hand of the man who reached for her. It felt good to be wanted. It felt warm. It didn't burn like rejection, or worse, silence.

“I’m looking forward to our life together too,” she said.