The Spirit Seer

Chapter 17

I meet Jayne after school, so we can talk about things on my walk home. I’ve been anxious all day waiting to talk things through with her. I can’t wait any longer. I pull out my cell, so it doesn't look like I'm talking to myself.

"So, your friends had a lot to say." I mention “casually”.

"Yeah," she says nodding her head.

"Unfortunately, it wasn't much help." It might not be the best thing to say, but I’m fishing for information and getting to what needs to be discussed.

"I know."

She sounds a little down. "What about that boyfriend? What's his story?"

"Ex-boyfriend...we dated through the summer and then about a month ago I found out he cheated on me. I broke up with him, and he's been bugging me to take him back ever since."

"Do you think he could have done it?"

"Not really, he wanted me to take him back. Killing me wouldn't really help his cause. He's not really a bad guy. I liked him well enough, but when it was over I was ok with that. If they are right for you, you shouldn't be that ok with it ending."

She's got a point but that's frustrating since he seemed like a good suspect.

"Well, at least we ruled one person out. Well, three really since your friends didn't do it either.”

"I knew that."

"I had to check. I didn't assume they did it but they could have been involved in some way, but they clearly miss you too much for that. "

She smiles. "Yeah, it was nice to see them, and hear them talk but it sucked that I couldn't talk back to them." She looks at the ground, clearly missing her life.

I wish she didn't feel this down. It is sad to see. "I wish I didn't have to lie to them. I feel really bad about that."

"Yeah...but it wasn't a complete lie. We may not have been friends when we were kids, but we're kind of friends now, right?"

I smile. I can't help it. The truth of it is, I do like having her around and she is starting to feel like a friend. "Right"

It's a genuine smile on her face this time. "That's good cuz; it's nice to talk to you, since I don't really talk to the other ghosts. I just don't know how. It feels weird to try to talk to them. I see them around, but I can't bring myself to talk to them. There are almost always some around but there are a lot at your house. Why is that anyway?"

I slowly smile. "My mom pretty much invites every ghost she comes across home. She helps as many as she can when she can. And some want to hang around and she's someone they can interact with. It's very my mom. She wouldn't be her if she didn't invite every ghost home for tea."

She's quiet for a second. "But you don't talk to any of them?"

"I can't, not when I'm pretending I can't see them." I have always been sure about my decision to hide what I can do but now interacting with Jayne and Spencer is making me doubt myself.

"Right, why do you pretend you can't see us?"

I'm not sure if I can talk about this. I've never actually talked about it with anyone before. But I didn't really have anyone to talk to. Maybe a ghost is the perfect person. Jayne has opened up to me; maybe it's my turn to open up.

"Have you ever heard people talk about your mom and you can't really say much because you can't tell the truth and you don't completely understand why she acts that way yourself? I'm so removed from her to most people that they forget that I'm her daughter. I decided a long time ago that I couldn't be like her. I don't want to grow up to be the person who talks to herself or in my case the person who imagines she can hear ghosts. A person who's crazy and an embarrassment to everyone around with that kind of behavior. A person who brings down the value of the neighborhood by acting crazy."

I feel hot tears brimming in my eyes, but I don't want to cry. I take a deep breath to calm down and keep from letting the tears fall.

"People have said that stuff to you about your mom?"

"Not to me really, but in front of me, like I'm not even there."

"Wow, that would suck."

I laugh bitterly. "Yeah, a little. I know it doesn't make that much sense, but I can't be that person."

"No, I get it. High school is hard. Who wants to be the weirdo in that kind of environment? I don't have that problem and I don't know if I could have done it without my friends." She looks sad again.

I get an idea. It might be a little crazy. It may not change anything, but I like Jayne and she shouldn't have to be so lonely. "Will you come see me tomorrow around 7?"

She looks unsure but doesn't question me. "I guess."

I smile reassuringly at her. "Good"

We continue to chat as we walk. I can't help but think about what I said to Jayne. It feels good to have finally talked it out with someone. It has been hard all these years to hold everything in.

I didn't even realize the weight that I was carrying and the hurt from all the things people have said about my mom. As a kid, it really affected me. It feels nice to have unloaded some of that. I don't know what it means overall, but for now, it helped relieve a little of the burden I've been carrying.

~~~~~

I meet Heath at his locker the next day before school. We haven't had that much time to talk in a couple of days and I'm starting to kind of miss him...Only slightly.

"Hey" Yep that's my superior communicating skills at work.

He looks around his locker at me. He starts to smile but then puts a blank face on. "Hey yourself"

I almost sigh, but am able to hold it inside. One of these days I'm going to c***k that shell he keeps around himself. "So, I think we need to get together one last time and go over our project to make sure everything's good."

Ok, so I didn't come to see him about the project, not really. But it was all I could think to say on the spur of the moment.

"I guess that's important." He says mildly.

"Good then" I add decisively. This isn't really the way I had planned on things going. We haven't really talked since his fight. And things hadn't ended on the best of terms. I don't want to dwell on it, but things are a little awkward.

"So, I guess once we go over the project for the last time we'll go our separate ways?"

He doesn't look up and is clearly avoiding eye contact. I don't think that's what he wants. I think he thinks that's what I want. My mind goes back to my conversation with Spencer. I need to reassure him that I want to stay friends.

"I hope not. I was kind of hoping that we could keep spending time with each other. I mean if you don't want to, I can understand that." I'm pretty sure I know he wants that but I need him to admit it. I hope he wants to be my friend as much as I do.

He silently looks at me for a second. "I guess, I mean if you want to hang out sometime that could be cool."

I almost smile, but I don't think it will send the right message. It was just so cute how hard he was trying to play it cool.

"K I think we should eat lunch again sometime soon."

He smiles. And it warms me inside. I'm glad that I finally settled all this. I like having him around. I’m not really sure what that means, if anything.

It’s out in the open now. We don’t have to hide behind the project anymore. I’m glad things are going well, but I can’t help but worry a little once I gain his trust I’ll have to trust him enough to tell him my truth. That’s nerve-racking. But I guess that’s a problem for another time.