The Spirit Seer

Chapter 10

I’m still so unsure of myself and whether or not I can handle all I’ve taken on when I finally head out to meet Jayne. I hope that whatever she needs my help with will be easy. My mind keeps wandering to my conversation with Spencer. It didn't make me feel any better. I had been convinced earlier that I could handle it all, but now I've lost a lot of my confidence. I don't know if I can do this.

I want to help Jayne. The truth is, ever since I found out she died, I've been feeling kind of...guilty isn't really the right word. But I've been feeling a little weird about the whole thing. I have gone to school with her for most of my life, yet I don't know anything about her. Then suddenly she was dead, and I knew I would never get that chance. It unsettled me.

But now I have the chance to help this girl who died so young. I just don't know how I can't do it. I've never really thought of the ghosts in terms of being real people before. I know it sounds like a copout but honestly, it was easier to just think of them as things that I could see, that other people couldn't.

Getting to know Spencer and seeing Jayne, changes things…even if I don't want it to. When I was a kid and could see them I didn’t totally understand that they were once alive and people. They were just friends and they were there. It didn't really hit me the way it has now. They were once alive and loved and laughed just like I do. People loved them and they meant a lot to their loved ones who are now left behind. That’s kind of huge.

I have this ability and who am I to be so selfish and not use it to help so many? That’s it right there though…it’s selfish. I’ve been selfish for years. I didn’t even realize that until this moment. How many people could have had peace if I had tried harder to help the ghosts before? I don’t know the answer to that and it makes me so sad. I don’t know what the future holds in terms of my ability but I don’t want to turn my back on Jayne.

I step out onto my back porch and see her right away. She sort of floats above the ground a little. It would probably be eerie if I hadn't seen them my whole life.

"Hi"

She smiles at me. "Hey, I can't believe I'm at your house. It's almost like you invited me over to hang out. You know if I wasn't dead and all."

She seems to be pretty ok with things. Some ghosts are a mess especially this close to her death. She’s way more together about it all than I would be. I would be freaking out hard.

"Yeah, it's almost the same thing," I say with a forced smile.

"I'm really glad you can see me. Death is so lonely. I've tried talking to some of the other ghosts, but honestly I'm a little shy and I don't know how to talk to them. What do we even talk about? We're dead but that’s about all we have in common."

That kind of breaks my heart. I never really thought about how now that she’s dead she doesn’t have all the people she used to know around her anymore. She has to make all new friends since all hers are still alive.

I wish I knew what to say to her to make it better but honestly, I don’t know how to fix this for her. It’s not like I have a lot of ghost friends that I can introduce her to.

"I can’t imagine it’s that different than talking to people when you were alive. Maybe just start with hello" I suggest. I hate that I can't really offer much more help than that.

She nods. "You’re probably right...this whole being dead thing is really confusing."

"I can only imagine.” I hate that I’m so useless to help her with this, but there is probably something I can help her with.

"So, what is it that you need me to do for you? Do you want me to tell someone you're ok and happy?"

She shakes her head. "No, my mom would never believe you. It's okay. She's sad right now but she will feel better eventually. The thing is, I'm sure you've heard that I was murdered. I need your help to figure out who did it."

My mouth drops open. I can't help it, I’m pretty shocked. That is not where I saw this going...at all. "Don't you know who killed you? I mean you were there." I cringe as soon as I say it. It's kind of rude. Obviously, she was there, she died.

"I don't remember. I have tried and tried to remember, but it's a total blank. I can remember being in my second-period class, and then nothing. The rest of the day is a total blank."

That had to suck. She knows she was murdered, but doesn't remember anything about how it happened. I feel for her. I really do, but I'm not cut out to help her figure this out. "I don't think I'm the right person for this. I don't know anything about solving a murder."

"Please Bailey; I really need your help. I can't move on until I know what happened to me. And my mom won't be able to get on with her life until the person is paying for hurting me."

I close my eyes and suck in a breath. The grieving mother card. That is so not fair. What can I say to that?

Before I figure out something, anything to say to that she adds "Also I have this feeling deep inside that I need to stop them. If they killed me maybe they'll kill again. I have to stop them before they hurt anyone else. I know this is kind of crazy but you are the only one who can help me.

I want to say no so badly but she's right. What if he kills again because I was too selfish to stop him? I spent years being selfish and hiding this side of myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that time I pushed all that stuff down and hid. Can I really do that again? I don't want to let anyone else get hurt.

"Fine, I'll do what I can, but I'm sixteen, so you know it's not that much."

"Thank you so much. I'm sure it won't take that much, I just need something to spark my memory, and then I'm sure I'll remember it all."

I hope it will be that easy, but I have a sinking feeling that I just made a huge mistake.

~~~~~

I promised I would talk to Heath today. I haven't had a chance so far, but I can talk to him now...if I decide to do it, that is. Sitting with Heath at lunch could be taken as a statement. Some of the other students will probably start talking about it, and rumors will spread.

It could be considered a big deal. I know this, yet I still find myself deciding to risk it. I made a promise to Spencer. I also might kinda, sorta not totally hate Heath. He was pretty great about the stuff with my mom. I’m not even sure my best friends would take things as well as he did. That was cool of him.

I hold my head up high as I walk purposefully to his table. He sits in the back at a table all by himself. He isn't always by himself, but today he is. Which is a relief. It will make talking to him a little easier. I don't talk to him, or ask him if I can sit, Instead I just sit down. I don’t want a repeat of that first day I tried to talk to him and he majorly ignored me.

He looks up at me, but doesn't say anything right away.

I can feel eyes on me, but I try not to look. It's all part of my confident and together act that I have going on. I have to keep it together. "Hi, I thought that we could talk about our project. We still have some more work to do."

He keeps that blank mask on his face. I'm really beginning to hate that look. It keeps me from having any idea what he's thinking or feeling. "Ok, I guess we can work on it now."

"Good" I nod.

I pull out my books and lunch and lay them out on the table, so I can use them.

"Talk about me."

I nearly jump when Spencer suddenly talks, but I manage to refrain from it...barely. That danged ghost.

"Ask him about me." He says again.

I pointedly ignore him. How exactly am I supposed to bring up Spencer? I'm not supposed to know about him. I can't just ask about him out of nowhere. Heath will get suspicious. I have to wait until we know each other better and there's more trust.

"Is it just me, or are we attracting a lot of attention?" Heath asks.

He's right; I can still feel the eyes on my back. But again, I avoid looking. "I don't think it's just you," I say with a forced smile.

"Your friends especially seem to be staring. Is this going to cause a problem?"

I don't know. There may be an issue. I texted my friends earlier to let them know that I wouldn't be eating lunch with them, but I didn't mention that I would be eating with Heath.

“Without a doubt…as superficial as your friends are, you are bound to hear about this for days.” Spencer helpfully adds his opinion. Without being asked.

Once again, I very pointedly ignore him. "I'm sure it'll be fine. It's not like we're attached at the hip or anything."

He finally smiles that half smile. "Cool”

When he looks away for a few seconds I glare at the annoying ghost to my right. And jerk my head in a motion for him to leave. He sighs dramatically, but eventually disappears. I exhale in relief to not have to worry about him anymore and focus back on my lunch companion just in time to hear him start talking again.

“I thought maybe you'd avoid me now that I know about your mom." He says quietly so we're not overheard.

It's a little unsettling that he can read me so well. Even my closest friends can't figure me out that easily. How did he do it?

I look down at my lunch. "I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind a time or two. But when you didn't spread it all over the school I figured you were safe."

"Cool"

He's really disconcerting. He doesn't give much away, and it makes it hard to read him.

"Maybe we can study there again sometime."

I smile. "Yeah okay, I think that could be nice."

He gives me that half smile again that makes my heart beat speed up. It's a little weird.

We grow quiet to finish our lunch, but it’s not the least bit awkward sitting quietly with him. It’s actually kind of nice.