Our Uncertain Hearts

Unexpected Roomate

Hating gabi na. Nakahiga lamang ako at nakatitig sa kisame habang naghihintay na dalawin ng antok. Kahit anong gawin ko, hindi pa talaga ako makatulog.

"Someone's in there? Open this door, please," rinig kong sigaw ng boses lalaki mula sa labas ng tinutuluyan kong apartment.

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon. Dali-dali akong naglakad para pagbuksan ito ng pinto. Sinong tao naman kaya ang kakatok ng ganitong oras? Isturbo naman talaga. Kung kailan matutulog na ako.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto, laking gulat ko nang tumambad sa akin ang isang lalaki. His cheeks were flushed, eyes glassy and unfocused. He was clearly intoxicated.

Tumingin siya sa akin. "You're such a slowpoke. Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito sa labas," he grumbled, his tone cold and sharp, looking me straight in the eye. I froze for a moment and scanned him. Nang magtugma ang aming mga mata, doon ko pa lamang napagtanto na siya ay si Dylan Vance – kaklase ko at isang kilalang bully sa school namin. Pero ano naman ang ginagawa niya dito?

"Move out of the way," he said firmly, voice bold and commanding. "Didn't you hear me? Are you deaf?," dagdag pa nito. Hindi ako umalis. Nanatili lamang ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "You're drunk. This is not your room," matipid kong wika. I was just about to close the door, when he abruptly shoved me aside.

"I told you to move aside, didn't I?" he mumbled, giving me a smug grin. Dire-diretso na siyang pumasok sa loob at mabilis na nahiga sa kama ko. How could he dare just walk to my room and make himself at home in my bed like he owned the place. He was completely out of his mind.

I took a deep breath and fixed my posture bago ako muling tumingin sa kaniya. "Tumayo ka nga diyan, kama ko 'yang hinihigaan mo," ani ko. Hindi siya tumayo. He totally ignored me. He just pretended as if he didn't hear anything and grabbed his earpods out of his pocket, and stuck them into his ears.

"Seriously? Alam mo umalis ka na lang dito bago pa ako tumawag ng pulis," pananakot ko. Hoping it would be enough to make him leave. Pero hindi. Bumaling lang ito sa akin, his eyes were completely serious. Ilang segundo pa siguro kaming nagkatitigan bago ito muling nagsalita.

"Can you just stop? Ang ingay mo. I can't imagine myself living with a gay like you," he affronted me, mocking me with his cutting words. Hindi ako nagpasindak sa sinabi niya. Mahina lang akong napatawa at pinagtaasan pa ito ng kilay. Even I couldn't imagine myself sharing a room with him. I couldn't picture myself seeing this bully every single day.

"In the first place, bakit ka ba nandito? You just entered my room as if it was yours, kama ko rin 'yang hinihigaan mo, so please... just leave," I darted my gaze from his face to my bed.

"Just so you know... I also rented this room, don't I have a right to be here?" he muttered, voice sounded slurred and unclear.

"B–Bakit kasi dito pa? Pwede namang sa iba na lang."

"Do not dictate me on what to do. My life is none of your business," he said with a smirk. He was rich, he had everything, and he lived a perfect life. Why would he need to rent an apartment?

I froze for a while and didn't know what to say. The fact that we would be living in the same room still hadn't sunk in. Of all people, why did it have to be him? Bakit dito pa sa apartment ko?

"I don't care whether you rented this room or not. Ang gusto ko umalis ka na, ayoko na may kasama dito, especially you," I admitted. Totoo naman kasi, ayoko talaga siyang makasama dito. He was one of my bullies. Why would I let myself live with him.

The drunken haze vanished from his face. His face cleared instantly. Tumayo ito at biglang naglakad papalapit sa akin. Hinila niya ang kamay ko sabay inilapat iyon sa kaniyang dibdib. I didn't expect his hand to be that warm and his chest felt so hard.

I was enjoying it. Hanggang sa hindi ko na namalayan, kanina pa pala ako nakahawak dito. He let me touch his body but why was that? I thought he really hated gays that much.

"How is it? Masarap ba hawakan? Hindi ba ito 'yung gusto niyong mga bakla," he seductively said, stroking my hand through his chest. Gusto ko ang ginagawa niya. I didn't want him to stop. My body felt like heating up just by touching his body.

When I came back to my senses, mabilis kong binawi ang kamay ko, and I dropped my gaze down. Kung bakit ba kasi ang bilis kong maakit sa ganoon. Worst of all, sa kanya pa talaga.

"Why did you pull your hand? Didn't you enjoy it, aren't you satisfied with this?" he purred, placing his hand on his chest. He was clearly trying to embarrass me. What's with him? Why was he doing this? He always bullies me. He always embarrasses me at school, pati ba naman dito sa apartment ko?

After giving me a mocking glance. Muli lang itong nahiga sa kama, at naghubad pa ng kaniyang damit. Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin sa kaniya, mamaya baka kung ano pa ang isipin nito sa akin. I'm really not that kind of gay na katawan lang ang habol sa isang lalaki. I was actually longing for a man's love, not their body.

I fixed myself. I stood straight and turned my gaze toward him. "Fine... I'll let you sleep here tonight," I bravely stated, arms crossed. Wala na rin naman akong choice pa, I had to do this.

He snapped his gaze back to me, brows frowned. "You know what? Kahit na hindi ka pumayag, dito parin ako matutulog. This is also my room, remember," he said, making a fool out of me.

"Fine... kung hindi ka lang lasing, I wouldn't be this considerate. Kaya umalis ka na diyan sa kama ko. Dito ka sa sofa matulog."

"Why would I? Ikaw na lang matulog diyan. I have the bed," he clutched my pillow tightly, giving me that alluring look.

"You're really insane. That is my bed yet dito mo ako patutulugin sa sofa?" I almost shouted, my voice heavy. Labis na ang inis ko sa kaniya that I badly wanted to throw him a punch.

"Ayoko parin, unless... you wanna sleep beside me. Gusto mo ba?" he murmured, voice soft and teasing while biting his lower lips. I somehow felt attraction toward him but I stood still.

"Pwede ba... umalis ka na diyan. Inaantok na ko, I want to sleep already."

"Come here, Kaii, you can sleep here, I wouldn't mind," he spoke in a low, inviting lilt. Mas lalo lang nadagdagan ang inis na nararamdaman ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Inis na may halong kilig, hindi ko na maipaliwanag.

Inirapan ko nalang ito at padabog na kinuha ang aking unan. Kahit ayaw ko, napilitan na akong sa sofa na lang matulog. Matagal-tagal rin bago ako nakatulog dahil sa hindi talaga ako sanay.

Kinaumagahan, nagising na lang ako dahil sa ingay na nagmumula sa aking cellphone. Agad akong bumangon at pinatay ito. Bumungad naman sa akin ang mukha ni Dylan, mahimbing pa rin itong natutulog. He looked peaceful and innocent.

Nagtungo na lamang ako sa kusina para magluto ng instant noodles dahil iyon na lang ang kakain ko. Nang maluto na ito ay nagsimula na rin naman akong kumain.

"What's that? Where's food? Didn't you cook anything?" sunod-sunod na tanong ni Dylan, his voice raspy, walking towards me.

Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at nagpatuloy lang sa aking kinakain. Nagugutom pala, bakit hindi siya magluto? Wala ba siyang kamay? Ginawa pa talaga akong utusan.

"Don't you just ignore me... cook something," he bossily ordered, brows snapped in irritation, but I still pretended I heard nothing.

Suddenly, he grabbed the noodles I was eating. He quickly ate it and made a proud face which totally exasperated me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit gustong-gusto akong inisin nito. Would they gain anything from it?

"Do you even have manners? Kita mo namang kinakain ko, tapos bigla mo nalang kukunin," I tried to snatch the noodles back.

"No, this is mine. Magluto ka na lang ng sa'yo," he refused and continued eating.

"Ano ba naman... ang aga-aga pero nang-iinis ka na. Why don't you just leave?" mariing saad ko dahilan upang mapatigil ito sa pagsubo. He then looked at me seriously.

"Why would I do that? Hindi ba sinabi ko na sa'yo that I also rented this room? Parang noodles lang naman, magluto ka nalang ulit."

"It's not about the noodles. Ang gusto ko maghanap ka ng ibang apartment. We can't live here, in the same room."

"Ayoko, it's very exhausting. If you want, you leave," pagtanggi niya, as I expected.

"Nasisiraan ka na ba? Ako pa talaga papaalisin mo? Sino ba nauna sa'tin dito?" taas kilay kong tanong.

"If you don't want to leave then don't, but I also won't leave this room," a wolfish smile played on his lips. Muli lang itong nagpatuloy sa kaniyang kinakain. Alam ko namang hindi siya papayag. Napabuntong hininga pa ako bago naglakad papaalis, at rinig ko pa ang mahinang pagtawa nito.

He wouldn't leave? Then I'll do anything para mapaalis siya dito. Even if it would cost me everything.

To be continue...