Let's Do Better Ghouls! (Extra Readings: Helpful tips on self improvement.)

Parental Accountability.

I don't care if you think that's parent shaming. If you are offended by the truth, then maybe you should ask yourself why are you triggered and ask yourself what did you do as a parent that made you the problem. Ask yourself why do you believe that's parent shaming to you. That's part of facing the hard truth.

Do you know why your grown up kids go no contact with families?

Do you know why your grown up kids struggle with emotional regulation, depression, anxiety, and unsolved traumas?

Do you know why most people struggle with relationships and stuck in a debating mindset if they want to get married or have children?

Here are different ways how parents or relatives lose contact with grown kids and how you as a parent can avoid losing contact with your kids:

1. Putting too much pressure on them. Your kids are trying so hard to please you that you feel like nothing is good enough for you no matter how many times they have to bind backwards for you and doing everything they can to make you happy. Taking your kids for granted to the point that you don't value them. You expect them to do all of the work for you while you're too busy pushing them aside.

2. Lack of communication with kids by taking your anger out on them. You expect them to be personal slaves and robots to you. You get mad at them by shutting them down when your kids are trying to talk to you about their feelings, thoughts, opinions, wants in life careers, health, and wellness. - Parents, please check the facts and listen before you get mad at them.

3. Being dismissive about how your toxic unhealthy behaviors affect them. You become defensive when your adult kids are holding you accountable for your actions after years of dealing with you. - To be honest, most parents do struggle with accountability. Most parents don't want to admit their wrongs.

4. Self absorption and unwilling to put them first, being too focused on over punishing them, your own appearance, over achievements, addictions, personal wants, money, grades, perfection, high expectations, power, and control that you neglect your kids mental, physical, and emotional needs and wants about their future. - Being a parent is not always about you. When your kids are grown to become their own person, you should learn to accept it.

5. Allowing your narcissistic personalities and insecurities get the best of you that makes it difficult for your kids mental growth to enjoy life in adulthood on their own in peace.

6. Food shaming and weight shaming them to the point that your kid grows up with eating disorders and self esteem issues.

7. Victim blaming them if your kids got bullied in school, struggling with suicide, sexually abused by someone, or abused in relationships. You refused to believe them when they are trying to seek for help, tell you the truth, and you called them liars and attention seekers. - You're supposed to listen to your kids, help them, and protect your kids. That's your job as a parent.

8. Favoritism for one child while you make the siblings feel unwanted. Your other kids feel unwanted because you compare the child is better than them. - Every child deserves to be treated with equal attention.

9. Not supporting them if they were to come talk to you and mention that they are gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, non binary, and queer. You devalue your child's sexuality/gender identity because you let religion, political views, and ignorance get the best of your relationship with your kids that they don't feel safe around you anymore. They don't feel safe to talk to you anymore. - They deserve to feel loved, accepted, and safe to be themselves around you.

10. Threats to destroy property and lives. Verbally, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically causing harm to them by projecting fear now they are afraid to come to you about something. Ruining birthdays, holidays, and special events. Throwing adult tantrums. They are afraid to interact with you because you don't know how you to control your own emotions. They don't know how to come to you.

11. Projecting all relationship/marriage/divorce problems, burden, and responsibility dumping onto them without taking the time to help teach them how things work or taking your business out on them where they don't need issues being absorbed to them psychologically. Expecting them to be the caregiver by wanting them to take care of you and siblings all the time when it was supposed to be your job to take care of your kids and yourself.

12. Making them walk on eggshells constantly, bad mouthing about people and things that are not their circus, projecting your negativity onto them, complaining about how you "have" to provide and do all this work, and forcing unhealthy relationships with other people. You are pushing them away slowly to the point that you are about to force their hands into walking out of your life.

They didn't ask to be born into this world. Your kids are not obligated to follow up on your unrealistic choices that YOU made as a parent. Your kids are human beings as you. They are more than just kids. Every parent makes mistakes. Every kid makes mistakes. We are all human. It's okay to make mistakes. It's called growth and learning from those mistakes and failures. Also, you need to learn to accept the fact that kids will grow up to have their own rights, beliefs, lifestyle, perspectives, parenting, and different ways of living. If you don't sort out your own issues, then you need therapy and NO children & grandchildren and it will show that you don't care about them.

If you want to be part of your adult sons/daughters lives again, then you need to work on yourself by taking accountability for your own mistakes and learn how you can start having healthy relationships with your sons/daughters again. It's time to break the cycle, soul searching, and find positivity in your life.

List of things that makes you a toxic parent:

- Taking your own kids for granted

- Not putting your kids health and wellness first.

- Refuse to buy kids clothes for sensory comfort and seasonal weather safety.

- Always getting annoyed of your kids.

- Always yelling at your kids in public or at home.

- Always in a bad mood with anger problems.

- Always complaining or very bashful to your kids.

- Being too hyper focused on work, materialism, perfect grades, bills, money, computers, phones, and television instead of making anytime with your kids.

- Putting your wants and needs first before your kids.