Let's Do Better Ghouls! (Extra Readings: Helpful tips on self improvement.)

Don't post your family problems! Keep your problems confidential!

We are not talking politics, child abuse or anyone being "abused" in any of the sort. We are talking about arguments over disagreements in general scenarios about coexisting. When things are getting too toxic, make sure you find a safe plan to leave for the sake of your mental health and well being. Save your money as emergency funds to leave. If you can't handle family problems, your feelings are valid and you don't need to feel obligated to stay in the same place too long. It's okay to not be okay with carrying all that mental and emotional family baggage. Everyone has different types of family baggage. Make sure you have a safety plan and a support system with close friends or other extended families that you are in good terms with in your circle.

This page is not meant to make you feel bad or judged for having valid feelings about your families with different problems. I only put in what I believe in both sides to the stories and two wrongs don't always make it right. I will give suggestions on how you can handle issues along with safety plans like I mentioned in the beginning here.

Be careful what you post on social media or you will make others concerned for you, criticize you, or bully you like this:

"I will be thinking of you when you end up in the hospital, homeless, or trapped in a basement. Hearing about this family drama concerns me. Why are still living with them if you are unhappy? I don't know anything about your family. I think you need to move out if things are becoming too toxic in this household. You are choosing to be miserable by letting it happen. If keep on feeding onto it, then you're going to make yourself miserable more. Lonely? Why are you afraid to leave? I don't need to hear about your gross dysfunction and drama if that's going to be the case which I could see that you like the drama. It's either you work this out with your family or leave! Then leave already! If you planning on leaving, then I would suggest you come up with a safety plan, save up emergency funds, and find your own home. Make sure you contact friends you can trust that you can stay with for while until you get back up on your two feet."

~ Accurate! The first message is very true and well said. You don't have to be afraid to leave. You as a grown adult can make decisions on your own. You're not forced to be the doormat. You are choosing to let yourself be a doormat. Even though the truth does hurt. You do have options to plan something better for you. The person did make a valid point that if you keep on living the same cycle, you will end up living with Stockholm syndrome for the rest of your life. The more you bring yourself down by letting the toxicity happen, then more worst it can be for you. It's really not worth bringing yourself down. If there is a lack of respect, then fighting for change with your family or in laws is really not worth wasting your energy. Respect is a two way street. I also believe that some common grounds that needs to be set in place in the household.

"If you put your family or in laws on blast by complaining to all of your coworkers and posting about it and your still living under their roof, then you sound like an ungrateful pathetic fool to sit there and s**t on your family or in laws who done nothing wrong to deserve to get slandered. There is a time and place to speak about everything. Keep your family problems to yourself and take it up to family therapy or something. If you're not happy living with family, then act like an adult and communicate with them about your feelings OR just move the hell out! Just because they did something to make you upset, it doesn't give you the right to be shitty with that gossip high school bullshit! We all human here. We all going through our worst days. If you can't handle their bad days, then that's your problem sweetheart! Have you ever considered your family or in laws or elders feelings too? Don't throw a fit running your damn mouth at work and social media because you're mad!"

~ I agree with the person. No one deserves to be slandered. Just because your family lectured you, it does not make it okay to bully them back by bragging about it. Cyber bullying your family as a way to be petty is not going to solve anything. They do make a valid point that you shouldn't post about family issues on the internet or bring it up to a group of coworkers. I agree that there is a time and place to discuss those matters which is why it's important to be careful what type of issues to bring to others around you. But the comments itself does give out a bit of a pick me vibe and came out a bit harsh. It's okay to vent and your feelings are valid but I wouldn't recommend posting online otherwise you are choosing to take the heated criticism. If things are not working out between you and your family, then I would start planning for your move and just leave. I don't think people on social media need to know every detail of why things didn't work out at home because it none of anyone's business. If things didn't work out, that's all they need to know. Nothing more needs to be said on the internet. They don't need to know every detailed information.

"That's good to know. I agree with you that being the Mom Queen of their own home does not make her better than anyone else and it doesn't give her the right to be a b***h whatever she wants towards anyone. So I'm in agreement on that one. You're not wrong. But... I heard both sides to the story. Let's talk about the fact that you pissed off your family by refusing to do what you were supposed to do like procrastinating, not cleaning your room, or house chores. When your mom lash out at you for it, you cried victim to your friends and coworkers and used her reaction to make her look like the enemy by calling her a 'narcissist.' You also threw shade at her and made her feel unwelcome in her own home because your excuse that you didn't want 'interruptions" while you were on the phone with friends. Also, you parent shamed people and you were inconsiderate b***h all the way while your family was going through a family crisis. Listen, I'm not here to argue with you. I don't care what you say. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be airing dirty laundry about your family or in laws. Do you consider maybe your parent's mental health matters too? Walk a mile in your elders shoes here! You need to sit down and work through your family problems. Work things out with them or don't live with your family. It's pretty obvious that you and your family are being toxic to each other. Go move out and live your own life if that makes you feel any better. Whatever, do you. I have nothing else to say at this point."

~ There will always be two sides of the story and the truth. I'm in agreement on both sides. I agree that being the "Mom Queen" does not make you superior than anyone else. Having that title of being "Boss mom" or whatever you claim to call yourself does not give you the right to treat young adults like s**t or talk down on anyone as if they are "dumb" to you. However, you also need to consider the fact that they probably feel internally belittled by your combative behavior towards them over small disagreements. This is why you shouldn't post about family problems or someone who knows your family will call you out on it. You can get bashed for it. Who is goin take your side on it? Nobody is going to take anyone's side. People are going to think that it's just nothing but plain drama or just fishing for attention clout. You will get judged for it. I'm in an agreement that you do need to talk with your family and ask yourself why are you feeling this way. Maybe ask your family if they are willing to accept family counseling or group therapy. If they don't accept the offer, then just leave them be. You can't force family counseling because that is on them whether if they want to change or not. If you and family are being toxic to each other, then I think everyone needs to be separated from each other for a while until everyone has their own s**t sorted out.

"Good for you for leaving and finding 'peace,' but just to let you know that is not the way to go. Posting about family s**t is not going to solve anything. Just because things didn't work out between you and your family and in laws, it doesn't mean this is the way to go about it. What if someone keeps contacting your family and in laws about your ungrateful ass? Or worse, from the entire world knowing that you are being cruel to your elders. If you had any care in the world to love your elders, family, and in laws at one point, then you should have considered your elders feelings and not disrespected them by taking everything so personal. They had enough love and care for you in this world. What if with all that this shaming on social media and public places because you knew that your family and in laws have problems too? What if your elders or in laws end up passing away of old age or worse? What if they are things you don't know about your family or in laws until it's too late? NOW YOUR SO DONE WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND IN LAWS! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYTHING GOOD THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DID TOGETHER BUT FEED ON DRAMA AND UNWANTED BULLSHIT! YOUR GOING TO LEARN THE MOMENT YOU PUSH YOUR ELDERS TO THEIR BREAKING POINT IF YOU KEEP ON BEING AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE b***h TO THEM OVER YOUR EMOTIONS! YOUNG LADY, I'M ONLY TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY AND IN LAWS ARE JUST AS HUMAN AS YOU AND AS PARENTS WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES! YOU'VE GOT THAT FAR! You should have got your s**t together and stayed in school long time ago. You're going to realize that only things you got in this world is family and God."

~ You gotta be careful how you gloat things on social media. I somewhat agree that if you take things too far by over gloating about it, then you will get massive backlash. Some people with families can get really aggressive and insensitive on the internet. When a random person throws a fit because you left for good reasons, that goes to show that they have no idea what truly happened behind closed doors. Unhappy people will harshly scream at you in the comments and throw a tantrum because they either don't know the full story or you are not giving them what they want anymore. You are not obligated to explain to someone about everything behind closed doors.

"Your family didn't deserve you. They deserve better than your ungrateful ass. I'm just a family friend who knows the truth. I'm just here to state my side of the story. I am allowed to have a say because I'm a family friend who can vouch for mental health in parents and elders. How you treated your family and in laws by parent shaming, neglecting, and slandering is abuse. You pushed by continue to neglect their needs for your help until your mom ended up lashing out at you. As someone who used to be a nurse who worked with elders with mental health outbreaks. Currently as a stay at home mother, I also suffers from mental health outbreaks. The more you treat your family like crap by neglecting their needs and lack of compassion, listening, and communication, the more your elders are going to be pushed to the edge and explode at you. I hope your family and in laws get well and hope their mental healths are better. Good luck to you."

~ This can be true but some people will use medical weaponization as a scapegoat to make you feel guilty for not wanting to put up with their manipulation. Comments like this can turn into a competition of "who has it worse than others" type of game. They will used that against you to make others believe that you're the selfish heartless one. Mental heath weaponization is used as a manipulation tactic to guilt trip someone into believing that it's okay to tolerate abuse when in reality you shouldn't have to tolerate any type of abuse and is used to make it as if they're the victim of the story. Comment its self does give out a doormat vibe here. People will bring things up just to argue or start a debate with you.

Discussion:

I could dissect in the comments is just everyone in the same household are just not getting along. I don't see anything that talked about anyone being "abused" and it also has nothing to do with politics in the household. I believe it's something to do with mental health and people being toxic to each other.

Part of me heard is just some random person over complaining about their families just to seek for attention and validation. If you need someone to talk, then you can always talk to someone in private about your family issues. But posting about your family problems because you're seeking for attention and validation is not how we solve problems here.

Everyone is going to have their disagreements and you can still be respectful about them. It's a matter of coexisting with families.

To me, it sounds like the person who is slandering their family on the internet is obviously not being an adult about the issues. It sounds like the person is crying victim because of a bad argument that you probably didn't do what were asked to do at home or you were lectured for something you did that made them upset. I don't understand people who blast their families online without any factual evidence if they were bad or not. How are people going to help you if they don't know anyone's side of the story? Learn the difference between having a difficult time versus playing victim. I think between the person and families, everyone in this household needs to have serious conversations and come into terms about things. Otherwise, I would pack my things and leave if there is lack of effort with the families.