Good men are setting boundaries.
1566 Words
Good man: "I don't need to apologize for being family oriented, spending time with my friends who are like brothers and sisters to me, enjoying my hobbies that make me happy on my free time, prioritizing our marriage, prioritizing our health, and for going to work everyday to pay our bills and provide for both of us.
I don't owe anyone in apology for defending my family, friends, my wife, protecting my job, and protecting my peace.
I have my priorities that come first. More importantly my health comes first! I have boundaries sets for very good reasons. I should have set for a very long time with my exes and neither of them understood.
Thank god I am happily married to my amazing wife who respects my wishes, treats me way better, she understands where I stand, and makes me happy everyday. She's gotten way better than how she was in the beginning.
I am trying my damn hardest to balance everything as I possibly can. Please be patient with me.
I understand I've been super busy helping family and working long hours but things are out of our control. Hopefully I should be able to freely make plans and enjoy free time again without an issue. Right now I don't have the time or luxury to do what I want at the moment.
If you are going to be rude and toxic to me and to those who are dearest to me, then I don't see the point of us talking.
Don't come between me and my wife! Don't come between me and my family and friends! Don't come between me and my job! Don't come between me and my health! My life, my rules! PERIOD."
His adoptive brothers: "You tell them, hubby bear. Family is not to joke about. We have lives and responsibilities. If anyone dares make rude comments or joke about a good man who takes care of his family and his wife, then they won't see the nice side of me."
He does make valid points! Also, never come between a good man and his free time!
~ The biggest lesson I've learn from episode 17 of the 2BeBetter podcast season one on YouTube was about the emailer who in a distant relationship with this man. The emailer had emotional attachment issues that the emailer admitted to blowing up his phone while he's hanging out with friends, helping family, or working. Chris and Peaches expressed the truth that you're not always going to be a priority to everything and that it's not fair to force a man to drop everything and give all of his attention to you 24/7 when you can't regulate your emotions. They are absolutely right. You do need to work on regulating your emotions and ask yourself why you are trying to separate a good man from his free time with his friends. If you have abandonment issues that you feel the need to harass him badly, then it's time to really work on yourself and see a therapist.
~ I used to be that person who struggled with emotional regulation and insecurities. I learned my lesson about why I should never come between my man and his time. I used to be that woman three years ago. I didn't do a great job with communicating my feelings to him and not being respectful or considerate with his feelings. I used to be very self centered and defensive that our arguments were not great. We had heart to heart conversations about why my behavior was wrongful and not excusable. I overstepped his boundaries and came across controlling in the past. I did pissed him off by poking the husband bear when it comes to his free time. I realized why it was very wrong of me to come between him and his family/friends and why it was wrong to come between him and his job responsibilities. We were able to communicate about boundaries, discuss about plans together, and keep each other informed about events and plans without issues. I have grown from being this immature insecure girl to a happy grown wife. I worked on my bad habits and grown from them. I took full accountability for my own actions and reflection on how it did affect him and others. It helped me realize that he will always be my world no matter what. He reassured me and said that I will always be his world no matter what. Sometimes you gotta let him have his own time with his friends for boys night. Just like he let me have my own time with my friends for girls night. It's about trust, communication, loyalty, patience, and respect are very important keys for relationship and marriage.
Helpful tips of the day!
#1: Ladies, All due respect. Please don't come between your good man and his free time. You are not in competition with his job, his family, friends, and his video games. Don't take everything personal if your man decides to take care of responsibilities and hang out with his friends outside of the house/online gaming with his friends. Fair warning, he's not a civil person when you get mad at him for doing something for himself in a positive way. Remember, you will always be his priority but when it comes to circumstances like family emergency, hang out with friends, and job responsibilities, learn to accept that sometimes it's not all about you. If he's being called in a family emergency, understand that family comes first and then you'll become his priority again. You can't separate him from his job, hobbies, and free time with his family and friends.
#2: If you want to spend time with him, please learn to communicate and compromise with him with plans. I'm sure he's willing to compromise with you but you need to work with him on them as well. He loves you more than anything in this world. You need to remind yourself that he's not abandoning you at all. He thinks about you everyday. If he wants guy time with his friends at the bar or online gaming with the boys, let him enjoy his free time. Let him decompress after he had a shitty long night at work.
#3: Here are boundaries that you don't violate in your relationship/marriage. Learn not to break those key fundamentals. We don't disrespect each other. We don't blow up ours phone and text spam while at work or out with family/friends. We don't guilt trip and throw tantrums. We don't call each other bad names. We don't neglect each other. We don't lie, cheat, and steal. We don't abuse each other. We don't control each other. We don't manipulate them into canceling plans. Number one important thing you don't ever double cross is their friends and families.
~ Therefore you should never separate a good man from his hobbies, friends, and family. If you have an issue, then you should have communicated with him respectfully about your feelings and how both of you can make plans together.
#4: He will protect you the same way how he protects his friends and family. For example: Think of it as if you come between a husband bear and his peace, then you will be faced by his wrath of the claws. Like I said fair warning: If you piss off the husband bear who made you be a better wife, then you'll have to prepare yourself by facing his wrath. Nobody is going to save you. Your behavior makes him feel like a shitty husband and that was how you made him feel because he thought he taught you better than that and he truly believes the way you forced his hands into canceling plans with his friends was very rude and selfish of you. You took him for granted. He has every right to be upset. I suggest you please don't make that type of mistake again.
#5: You're supposed to be his peace, not his headache. If you want him to be your peace, then you need to be his peace by do something to make things better for him. Treat your good man nicely how you wanted to be treated. Take accountability for your actions and learn from your mistakes. Give each other a couple days. Check in on each other through snap chat or text. Don't just call or text him to apologize right away. Don't do it in public or in front of people. Remember there is better time and place for everything. The proper way to apologize is to talk to him in person at home that stay behind closed doors. Be very sincere with him. A heart to heart apology will come a long way and healthy conversations. After you guys talk, maybe what you can do is have sexy time with him, bring him his favorite snacks, cook him a really nice meal, and play video games with him. Ask if there is anything he wants to do together and see if he needs anything. I have strong faith that he will absolutely love that. That is how you keep the intimacy alive and bond stronger keeping very good terms with the love of your life. Your relationship & marriage will always be your priority, but please be understanding and respect each other's time.
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