Broken Promises

Realization.

I wake up and roll over to grab my phone off the nightstand, instead, I find Luka sitting on the chair holding my sketchbook.

"What are you doing?" I ask drowsily.

"Just looking," he smirks.

"Leave it alone Luka, I'm not in the mood." I roll my eyes grabbing my phone.

"Looks like you were in the mood last night." Luka laughs.

"Dude just get out." I scoff.

"So, why did you go from Collin to me? And what's this one of us in the bathroom?" he asks.

"JAKE!" I yell loudly, Luka chuckles a little.

"If you're going to spill secrets under the cover of night at least be super quiet about it," Luka smirks.

"What?" Jake walks in rubbing his eyes.

"Get him out of here." I groan throwing a pillow at Luka.

"You woke me up for this?" Jake grunts.

"Yes." I roll my eyes.

"Just kiss and make up already." Lucas laughs.

"f**k off." I scoff.

I ignore them paying attention to my phone, noticing a missed call from Collin.

"Get out." I scoff.

"No," Luka smirks.

"Just shut up for a second," I say loudly as my phone begins to buzz.

"Hey, puppy," I say lowly.

"Hey darling, I called you earlier," Collin answered.

"I know I was sleeping, everything okay?" I ask sweetly trying to push everyone out.

"Mom took me to the hospital last night, I couldn't sleep and the pain was horrible. I'm okay though so don't worry." Collin answers.

"Oh my god are you home?" I ask panicking.

"You are panicking, grab the person that's closest to you," Collin demands, not so lucky for me it's Luka.

"Okay..." I say lowly.

"I'm serious and put me on speaker." He says sternly.

"Okay, fine!" I groan stubbornly putting my phone on speaker and pulling Luka back into my room.

"Okay, I need you to hug Rylee tightly, not too tight or she'll freak out more but tight enough she'll stop the panic attack before it happens." Collin explains. Luka wraps his arms around me like he has done a thousand times before, calming me down like he has done a thousand times before, yet he follows Collin's instructions like he's never done this.

"Okay, now that you're breathing has calmed. I am still at the hospital and might have to have surgery on the right side. I won't know more until the M.R.I or CT scan comes back but as soon as I know you'll know, okay princess?" Collin explained as the anxiety raised.

"I'm going to kill him." I grit my teeth.

"No, no you aren't because I need you to focus on the presentation for Argus and I do not want you coming down here." Collin insists.

"If you are-" I start but is cut off immediately.

"No, hospitals give you anxiety and flashbacks, no!" Collin says sternly.

"Collin," I say sternly.

"Rylee, I said no. I won't let you in the room to see me if you come. There is a better use of your time so freaking use it!" He yells back.

"Okay." I sigh.

"Good, mom's coming back so I have to go but I'll call you later or my mom will," Collin says calmly.

"Okay puppy." I answer.

"I like you, darling." Collin says lowly.

"I like you, puppy." I sigh before he hangs up the phone.

After a few seconds I realize Luka is still holding me, I shove him off of me and grab clothes out of my dresser.

"Where are you going?" Luka asks.

"The shower." I answer.

"Not alone you aren't. Think I don't know the bathroom is your spot, Rylee." Luka says sternly.

"Fine, get out so I can get dressed then!" I yell loudly shoving him out. Quickly undressing and throwing shorts and a tank top on, with an old pair of sneakers.

"Where are you going to go?" Luka yelled between the door.

"Don't worry about it!" I yell back.

"Rylee where?!" Luka yells loudly.

"I'm not your problem anymore," I say sharply shoving past him.

"Rylee!" He yells catching my arm.

"Don't f*****g worry about it Luka! Like you said it's not your job anymore!" I yell back yanking my arm away and storming out.

LUKA'S P.O.V.

"What's happening?" Jake asked concerned.

"Lucas I think she's going after Ace!" I yell loudly.

"Why? She already hit him once?" Lucas asks putting his shoes on.

"Collin is in the hospital, might need surgery and it's because of Ace!" I yell running outside.

"I don't think she would go after him again, let's check the hospital first." Lucas sighs.

"Collin told her not to go to the hospital, there's no way she went there," I answer.

"Okay, then we wait it out. If she's going after Ace someone there will stop her and bring her home. We need to just calm down." Lucas sighs rubbing his neck.

"Yeah, okay," I answer.

"I'm going to call mom and see how they are doing." Lucas smiles.

"Okay, I'll head downstairs to hang out with Jake." I answer.

"Everything okay?" Jake asks.

"I'm not sure, she just ran out of here so I guess we are just waiting it out." I sigh.

"You should, you know Rylee can handle herself." Jake answers.

I know she can handle herself; she just shouldn't have to. That stupid comment I made last night wouldn't have happened if I didn't start hitting on her again.

I hate that I love her the way I do.

RYLEE'S P.O.V.

I walked outside, then I started running. Rounding the corner and running like I couldn't run fast enough. Trying to put the fear and pain behind me, like I was trying to escape everything. I felt at peace as I watched the cars zoom by, I always stand so close to an edge, and though I try to talk myself off of it sometimes I just can't. I run as fast as I can coming up on a bridge, overlooking the pond Luka and I used to hangout out at.

"You can always count on me; you know if you ever feel the need to jump." Luka sighs as he walks up behind me. I stay overlooking the pond, wishing that even if I had the guts to do so I could.

"I can't Luka." I chuckle.

"Why not?" he asks, leaning over the edge.

"We aren't friends anymore." I scoff, not daring to make eye contact.

"We are, just because I don't call you or text you does not mean we aren't." Luka defended.

"No, Luka we aren't. We haven't been friends in months since everything with Lucas, and here it is again, something tragic happens and you show up to save the day? That's not fair." I explain, trying to push the anger away.

"Not fair? You don't let me in Rylee, I always feel like I'm talking to a brick wall!" Luka yells, forcing me to look at him.

"You want me to let you in? Fine!" I yell loudly pausing for a moment.

"Your brother broke my heart, causing me to spiral into a hole I thought I was past, and as soon as I almost reached the top once more, I was drug back down when Megan killed herself! I let Lucas break up with me without a second thought! I walked away from Megan that night knowing how it was going to end! I kept walking, even when I saw the look in her eyes!" I yelled, pushing myself to open the flood gates I kept so tightly secured.

"Rylee, Lucas is a d**k. He also thought you were in love with Jason. You can't blame yourself for that, for him being so insecure in your relationship that he left you because he was stuck in his own head. As for Megan, you know that wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done, maybe she was just tired of living." Luka tried to console me, not that it worked very well.

"You are my best friend Rylee, always and forever remember?" Luka smiled down at me as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Always and forever," I smirked, pushing myself to remember all the things I've been trying to forget.

I continued to run, trying to forget the memories I had made there, in that spot with him. Somehow Luka and I have made memories all over this town and I didn't even realize what most of them meant at the time, the more I think, the more spots I pass I finally understand. Luka has been in love with me this whole time, he made it clear without actually telling me and I was too stupid or naive to see it.

"Rylee!" Luka yelled as I walked away from the park.

"What?" I said rolling my eyes, not bothering to stop.

"What's wrong?" Luka laughed.

"Do you think it's funny?" I asked annoyed.

"I mean it was kind of funny," he said confused.

"No, it wasn't Luka. I am not a s*x object guys can rate on how fuckable I am." I scoffed.

"I mean they weren't wrong, were they?" Luka asked, stopping in front of me.

"I'm not a virgin Luka, I had s*x after Lucas!" I said loudly.

"With who?" he asked confused.

"Nat." I scoffed.

"You had s*x with Nat after Lucas?" he asked confused.

"I'm not going to talk to you if you continue to judge me." I rolled my eyes and stepped around him.

"Wait, just wait." Luka sighed, pulling me by the arm back to Nat, Ashley, Blake, Sarah, and George.

"Rylee said she's not a virgin," Luka said sternly looking at Nat.

"And you believe her?" Blake scoffed.

"Yeah, I do," Luka said annoyed.

"You don't get to judge how fuckable she is if you've already f****d her," Luka said getting in Nat's face.

"It was one time." Nat defended.

"It was three times." I interjected.

"You don't get to judge her if you've f****d her." Luka said once more.

"Fine, I take my rating back." Nat scoffed.

"No, you apologize to her." Luka continued.

"No." Nat laughed, Luka grabbed Nat by the shirt and pulled him on his feet, they stood face to face as Luka stared him down, a few moments passed before anyone said anything.

"I'm sorry Rylee." Nat gave in, Luka released his shirt and turned to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from them.

"Where are we going?" I asked confused.

"To get ice cream, and to talk about your taste in men. Luka laughed.

Stop thinking about him, Rylee! Why can't I stop! Why won't it stop! I yelled at myself as I ran past the parking lot of the school, trying to push the thoughts of Luka out of my head as I ran faster.

"Why can't you just admit that it bothers you?" Luka scoffed as I walked out of school into the pouring rain.

"Because it doesn't bother me." I rolled my eyes.

"It does, if it didn't you wouldn't have made that face," Luka argues.

"I didn't make a face," I answered.

"Rylee come on!" Luka yelled, pulling me back towards him.

"It doesn't bother me!" I yelled loudly.

"It does! I saw you, the way you looked at me when I kissed her!" Luka yelled.

"No, it doesn't! I was just trying to see who it was!" I yelled back.

"You will never be able to admit it to me if you can't admit it to yourself." Luka scoffed.

"Admit what?!" I yelled in confusion.

"Nothing." Luka scoffed, walking past me.

"I'm so confused!" I yelled at him.

"Yeah, me f*****g too!" he yelled back.

Stop, just stop. I said lowly, sitting on a bench outside of the school.

"So, have you had your first kiss yet?" Luka asked lowly, as we sat waiting for his mom to pick us up.

"I'm 14, live in a foster home, and barely leave it. What do you think?" I scoffed playfully punching him.

"Yeah, your right." Luka laughs.

"What about you?" I ask lowly.

"No, I don't talk to that many girls." Luka scoffs.

"Why did everyone make such a big deal out of having your first kiss, it can't be that special right?" I scoffed, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"The pressure of your first kiss is unbearable according to Lucas." Luka laughed.

"Kiss me," I said bluntly.

"What?" Luka asked confused, his eyes going wide.

"Kiss me, we are friends, there is no pressure. Do it." I groaned.

"Not outside of school where everyone is watching." Luka scoffed.

"Fine." I groaned.

"Mom texted and said she was going to be late and to just hang out for a bit, so I'll see you when she gets here." Lucas came over to tell us and left directly after.

"Come on." Luka said lowly grabbing my hand after Lucas had walked far enough away.

"Where are we going?" I asked confused as he dragged me to a wooded area behind the school.

"Just shut up." Luka laughed, dragging me further into the woods.

"Luka, stop. Tell me where we are going!" I demanded.

"You still want me to kiss you? No strings attached? Just to get it out of the way?" Luka said quickly panting heavily, I nodded my head. Luka pulled me closer to him keeping his hand on my back and wrapped his other hand behind my head.

"Are you sure?" he asked once more for confirmation.

"Yes," I said quickly.

He looked at me for a moment longer before bringing his lips to mine, a kiss that lasted longer than 10 seconds, a kiss so special and inviting. One that didn't make sense to my 14-year-old mind. He pulled away and looked at me confused for a second before he drags me back out to the bench, where we were sitting just a few minutes ago.

A kiss so innocent as a child but not so much as a teenager that knows that he loves me, that can't stop thinking about him and all the times he tried to tell me, or even show me he did. How could I be so stupid? How did I not know? Why did it take me so long to figure it out?

I sat for a moment, trying to catch my breath, to regain control of my thoughts as they spiral out of control. I can't continue to think about him everywhere I go, there is nowhere for me to go without a memory of him coming into play.

I got up and started running again, faster this time. Pushing myself harder to focus on the pain and not on Luka.

"Do you remember when we slept here?" Luka laughed.

"The night we snuck out?" I laughed.

"Yeah, when Lucas decided to invite all of his friends over that hated you." Luka continued.

"Yeah, I remember, why?" I asked confused.

"The stars look the same tonight as they did that night." Luka smiled.

"Really?" I asked happily.

"I can barely remember that night." I continued.

"I remember it, we laid right here and you laid on my chest I covered you up with my jacket at about 4 am and the little dipper was close to the pole over there," Luka explained.

"Did you sleep at all that night?" I laughed playfully.

"Someone had to keep you safe." he smiled happily.

The memory flooded back as I ran past a small field near the school, the one Luka and I would escape to if things were too hard for one of us. I kept running, trying to get the thoughts out of my head.

"You suck," I yelled playfully pushing Luka.

"Yeah, but you love me." he laughed.

"Yeah, I really do." I smiled, holding his hand.

"I really do too." he smiled.

Did I lead him on? For all these years did I make him feel like he had a chance to be with me without even noticing it. All the times he suitably confessed his love or showed me in so many different ways in different situations that he did and I continued to think he was just an amazing friend when in reality he has loved me this whole time? I am such a shitty friend, f**k shitty person. Letting someone fall so hard for me and then just running away because I was scared? Part of me knows I fell for Luka as well, but I fell for Luka while I was with Lucas. 

"Luka stop!" I yelled as Luka tickled me. 

"Admit I am your best friend." He laughed flawlessly. 

"Marissa is my best friend!" I yelled through laughter. 

"Marissa is not your best friend! I am!" He yelled, tickling me more. 

"Fine! You are!" I yelled. 

"I am what?" He asked pausing for a moment. 

"My best friend," I said breathlessly. 

"Good." He laughed flopping down beside me on the bed. 

I took this opportunity to climb on top of him and pin him down. 

"You don't want to do this Rylee, I'm stronger than you." Luka laughed. 

"You may be stronger but I'm more distracting." I laughed, biting my lip. 

"Don't do that." Luka laughed, closing his eyes tightly. 

"You can't even look at me." I laughed loudly. 

"You are doing things and I'm going to react to it in a way you aren't going to think is funny." Luka chuckled. 

"See distracting." I laughed. 

"Very distracting," Luka said seductively, studying my body as I sat on top of him. 

"What are you doing?" I laughed, as my face turned red. I left my guard down for one second and Luka flipped me over, I was now on my back with him in between my legs and my legs on his hips. 

"Distracting." Luka laughed, pinning my arms above my head. He brought his face down to mine, our lips just mere inches away from each other; breathing heavily into one another. 

"Don't let your guard down," Luka whispered before moving. I lay there motionless for a second, trying to collect myself. 

"Are you okay?" Luka laughed, my face as red as a tomato. 

"Yep, perfectly fine." I laughed, trying to play off the feelings I was having. 

"Hey, babe." Lucas walked into the room, giving me a quick kiss before sitting down beside me. 

"Hey." I smiled, feeling guilty about the thoughts I was having about Luka. 

"f**k!" I groaned and turned around, running back towards the house. If it's my fault I need to apologize, it doesn't make any sense to apologize for something I didn't understand that I was doing but now that I know what I was doing I need to make it clear that it wasn't my intention to do so.

I ran as fast as I could until I made it to the back door, I stood there for a moment trying to catch my breath and not throw up at the same time, bent over so if I did it would go on the ground.

"Rylee?" Jake looked out the window, I raised my hand in response.

"What happened?!" Jake asked panickily running outside with Noah and Lucas.

"I ran, really fast, for as long as I could," I said breathlessly.

"Rylee my god, are you okay?" Luka asked running outside with a bottle of water.

"I need to talk to you..." I huffed.

"Alone." I looked at Noah, Jake, and Lucas.

"But..." Luka started.

"Just sit down!" I said loudly as they walked inside, I sat down across from him.

"I was running, trying to escape all the thoughts I was having about killing Ace, but at some point, I started running to escape the thoughts of you." I sighed; he gave me a confused look.

"When we were 14, you were my first kiss. You kissed me because I asked you too because everyone else was making a big deal out of their first kiss, we agreed to just get it out of the way." I sighed.

"Yeah, I remember, in the woods behind the school." Luka gave me a confused look.

"You talked me off the ledge at the bridge without even knowing what was going on, you made me break down the wall I built so high just to let you in and you barely said anything to me." I continued.

"I know." He said raising a brow.

"Just shut up until I'm done." I groaned.

"Okay," he said slowly. Giving me a weird face.

"You made Nat apologize after he rated me a two on the fuckable list, even though he already had, then you took me for ice cream. We slept in a field together after Lucas invited his friends over that he knew hated me, we snuck out and slept in a field together Luka! You stayed up all night to make sure I was safe, you cuddled with me! Six months later you remembered where the stars were and that they were in the same spot! We were walking through the woods together when you made fun of me for something stupid and I jokingly told you that you suck, your response was something like yeah but you love me, I said I really do and you said I really do too. I led you on, for years I led you on and left you to fall more in love with me without realizing it. I'm sorry Luka, I shouldn't have asked you to kiss me, you shouldn't have been the one to talk me off the ledge or to break through the wall, you shouldn't have had to stand up for me to Nat or the one to buy me ice cream after, you shouldn't have been the one to sleep in the field with me, to stay up all night to protect me. I should have realized, I should have seen the signs but for years I ignored your confessions without seeing anything. I led you on and I'm sorry Luka." I said quickly, I word vomited trying to explain it all. Luka gave me a weird look but just got up and walked away, I watched him walk back into the house but I couldn't move. My legs felt like Jell-O, I tried to stand up and fell right back down. I sat for a while and finished the bottle of water but Luka still hadn't come back out, after another 30 minutes Noah came out and sat with me.

"What happened?" Noah asked confused.

"I led him on, for years I led him on and I didn't even realize it, Noah." I sighed.

"Luka loves you; he knew he didn't stand a chance with you but he still loves you," Jake said as he walked outside.

"Why, why is he so f*****g in love with me!" I yelled loudly.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE A LOVEABLE PERSON NOW BE QUIET!" Jake yelled over me.

"He didn't care if you never chose him, he was fine sitting on the sidelines and watching your life. Noah and I pushed him to tell you that night, we wanted you guys to be together because Luka is an amazing person. He loves you no matter what happens, he knew you didn't know; but he still loves you." Jake continued.

"Why didn't one of you tell me!" I yelled.

"It wasn't our place Rylee." Noah sighed.  

Noah is right, it's not and it wasn't. Though they had no problem pressuring Luka into telling me. If they hadn't pressured him into telling me that night I wouldn't have left. Things would be fine between Luka and me and not weird like they are now. 

"Are you okay?" Noah asked giving me a confused look.

"Yeah, I'm just going to hang out here for a while," I said lowly.

"You can't stand up, can you?" Jake laughed.

"No, I cannot." I smiled.

Jake and Noah laughed before they helped me up and walked me inside.

"Now can you make it up the steps or?" Noah asked.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes and started walking as I regained feeling in my legs. I don't want to think anymore, I want to sleep everything away. I crawled into bed and got comfortable, covering myself up to my neck with the blanket. How could I be so careless in life? My parents always warned me it was love and war, yet I didn't even see the love while fighting the war. Luka has always shown me how much he loves me and every day I left him to do it, I never saw it even when he made it crystal clear.

My ringing phone broke my thoughts of Luka, though I was thankful for the save.

"Hey, darling." Collin's voice came over the phone.

"Hey, puppy." I said happily.

"I don't need surgery; I'm heading home now," Collin explained happily.

"That's great I'm happy you're okay." I smiled to myself.

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow," Collin says happily.

"Me either, I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks." I laugh.

"Well, I could stop in if you want," Collin suggested.

"No! We are going home so you can rest!" Hazle yells loudly.

"You should go home and rest, I'm working on presentations and studying for the rest of the night." I laughed.

"Fine, but I'm picking you up for school in the morning, okay?" Collin asked sweetly.

"I'll be ready by 7:30." I smiled.

"Goodbye, darling." Collin said lowly.

"Bye puppy." I smiled hanging up the phone.

Collin is perfect, the perfect boyfriend, and his perfect light amber eyes are beautiful, his black hair that has half curls in it on top, his body sculpted to perfection in my opinion. He is perfect so why do I feel so shitty about Luka? Even when I'm trying to think about Collin I can't, I can't get Luka out of my head.

 Text: Luka.

'Where did you go?'

'Do you hate me now?'

'I couldn't just ignore it after I realized Luka, I'm sorry.'

'I don't know how to talk to you anymore, and it sucks. You were my best friend and everything went to s**t in all of two seconds Luka.'

'I'm sorry for everything.'

Luka wouldn't return my text so I just continued to text him until I couldn't think of anything else to say, I don't know what to say honestly. He's Luka, he's understanding and kind but I think I just pushed him past his limit this time. Every time I find something good in my life I ruin it, I can't do that with Collin. Luka is a friend if I could even call him that now. I just need to stop worrying about everything all of the time, I need to focus on myself.