Broken Promises

Memory Lane.

I guess I fell asleep at some point because I opened my eyes and it was dark outside, I sat at the window and looked out the window and saw the moon. Brightly lighting the sky, with the stars looking so beautiful and bright, wishing I was among them. A light knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts of the sky, I turned as my door opened slowly, locking eyes with Luka.

“You aren’t sleeping.” he smiled, speaking softly.

“I guess I was but I'm awake now,” I answered, leaning my head on the window.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked lowly.

“Just looking out at the moon...” I smiled.

LUKA’S P.O.V.

“Remember that night we laid on my roof until four AM. Talking and watching the stars.” I asked.

“Yeah, why?” Rylee asked confused.

“That night was when I started falling for you,” I said lowly.

“That night?” Rylee laughed.

“Yeah.” I smiled, chuckling a little.

“Why?” Rylee asked confused.

“We were talking about life, just everything happening in our lives. You laid your head on my chest and asked me to never leave you.” I explained.

“I remember that...” Rylee said slowly.

“Do you remember what happened before that?” I asked.

“Not really,” Rylee said honestly.

“Okay, then I'll explain it to you.” I chuckled, putting my hand on her leg.

“We had just gotten back to my house from a party Lucas invited you to, then he ended up leaving with his friends and you called me to walk you home because you didn’t want to walk alone, so I walked down to Lacy's house and walked you back to mine. Once we got on the roof and we laid down, you started talking to me about how depressed you were.” I continued.

“I don’t understand life.” Rylee sighed watching the stars.

“I don’t think we are supposed to yet.” I laughed.

“Just everything is confusing and being a girl is weird.” Rylee laughed.

“You think being a girl is weird, try being a guy.” I laughed.

“Your voice is deeper this week.” Rylee laughed.

“Yeah, that’s not the only thing that’s been changing.” I laughed.

“Freaking gross!” Rylee yelled pushing me, I laughed louder.

“Don’t start looking at me like you want to rip my clothes off or we will have problems,” Rylee said sternly.

“I’ve already looked at you like that,” I say playfully.

“GROSS LUKA NO! STOP!” Rylee yelled.

“I was kidding, calm down.” I laughed

“Good.” Rylee scoffed.

“Oh, come on Rylee, you check me out all the time.” I scoffed.

“Check you out?” Rylee laughed.

“Looking at me if I take my shirt off,” I say raising his brow.

“I don’t look at you like that.” Rylee scoffed.

“Yeah, you do.” I scoffed.

“You are so gross, no way would I look at you like that.” Rylee laughs, playing off the redness in her face.

“Hey it’s cool, I know I’m hot,” I said running his hand through his hair.

“You are so right, I'm madly in love with you. Kiss me.” Rylee said playfully.

“Woah that’s too far.” I laughed, moving farther away from her.

“Wow you are a wimp, you talk a lot of game for someone that runs away when a girl comes on to him.” Rylee laughs, joking obviously.

“I didn’t run away, and you are not the girl I want to come on to me.” I laughed; Rylee slaps my arm in response.

“I wouldn’t come on to you anyways.” Rylee scoffed.

“Oh, you so would, and I would turn you down like a gentleman.” I bowed.

“No, I think you have it twisted. You would come on to me.” Rylee laughs loudly.

“That depends on how hot you get in the future.” I laughed.

“Wow, so all I am is a hot bod?” Rylee scoffed.

“No, not yet anyway.” I smiled.

“You are so gross to think about me like that!” Rylee yelled.

“Don’t act like you haven’t thought about Lucas and I like that!” I yelled through my laughter.

“Never! Not yet anyway!” Rylee yelled back.

“I’m a guy, we start thinking about that stuff at like 12.” I scoffed.

“So, you’ve been thinking about me like that for over a year and didn’t tell me?” Rylee said offended, being over-dramatic about it.

“Yeah, I'm not going to share that stuff with you.” I laughed.

“When I was in that swimsuit and you were staring were you...?” Rylee asks, with immediate regret flashing across her face.

“I mean...” I started.

“EW stop! I don’t want to know!” she yelled covering her ears.

“I’m kidding, no that’s not what that was about.” I laughed.

“Then why?” she asks confused.

“Just guy talk, you wouldn’t understand.” I laughed.

“In other words, you guys were talking about girls? Why was I included in that.” she scoffed.

“Believe it or not Rylee you are a girl.” I laughed.

“Yeah, but I'm not the typical girl. You don’t ever let the guys include me in ‘guy talk’” She raised her brow.

“Typically, no, though if Lucas or I bring you up it's fair game unless it's something mean,” I explained.

“What was said?” she asks turning her gaze to me.

“Nothing.” I laughed.

“It’s about me, I have a right to know.” she crossed her arms angrily.

“Rylee, I promise you; you do not want to know,” I said lowly.

“I do, tell me, Luka.” She whined.

“You are going to regret it.” I sighed.

“Probably...” she said lowly.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I warned.

“Just tell me already!” she yelled.

“Fine, they were talking about who was cute.” I sighed.

“Who was cute?” she scoffed.

“Mhm,” I nodded.

“Bull. What did they say?” she scoffed.

“Fine, they were talking about who was hot.” I roll my eyes.

“Who brought me into it? You or Lucas?” she asked raising a brow.

“Both of us.” I laughed

“Gross, so you guys think I'm hot?” she questioned; I turned my head to look at the sky. Making eye contact with her and answering that question was not something I could do.

“Answer my question.” she laughed playfully pushing me.

“Come on Rylee, your beauty isn’t measured by guys.” I laughed.

“So, you don’t then?” she asked, I gave her a conflicting look.

“I mean it’s cool if you don’t,” she said quickly looking back up at the sky.

“The conversation was about objectifying woman and I don’t objectify you. Did we bring you up? Yes, but just because you looked good in that bathing suit. It wasn’t about how hot they are, think more...sexual...” I explained.

“Sexual...?” she asked confused.

“Yeah...” I said awkwardly.

“Like....” she started; I nodded my head but didn’t say a word. She left the silence to sit for a moment.

“So, what was the verdict?” she asks curiously.

“Yes?” I said awkwardly

“Yes?” she questioned.

“I don’t know how to answer this.” I laughed.

“Would you...?” she asked lowly.

“My answer stands.” I laughed.

“So, yes?” she questioned.

“Yes,” I said lowly.

“Rather you than Lucas.” She laughed.

“So, you have thought about it?” I asked, giving me a curious look.

“No, not until this very moment.” she laughed.

“Still, you thought about it.” I laughed.

“I feel like I walked into a trap.” she chuckled.

“Growing up is weird,” I said softly.

“Agreed.” she sighed. We sat for a few minutes in silence, rolling through the random thoughts in my head.

“Promise me something?” she asked, her gaze focused on the moon above us.

“Anything,” I said happily.

“We never grow up when we are together, kids forever?” she asked lowly.

“Kid’s forever,” I said grabbing her hand.

“How do you remember that?” she asked.

“Because that night I promised you, kids, forever, it was also the first night we had talked about anything serious in a year.” I sighed.

“That night we talked about you and Lucas wanting to f**k me.” Rylee laughed.

“We talked about more than just that, but yeah that was also said.” I laughed.

“So, when did you realize?” she asked confused.

“When we sat there and you told me rather me than Lucas,” I said lowly.

“I ended up sleeping with Lucas and not you.” Rylee laughed.

“I know, don’t remind me.” I inhaled sharply.

“Anyways, that’s not why I brought that up.” I chuckled

“So why did you?” Rylee asked.

“These are all letters or thoughts, I guess. They are all about you.” I sighed handing her a bag.

“All about me? Luka, there has to be over 100 letters in here.” She laughed,

“There are 2,555 letters in there.” I laughed.

“2,555 letters?” She gasped, pulling one out.

“Yep, and they are the only letters I’ve ever written. Other than the ones we used to send to each other.” I answered.

“Why are you giving these to me?” She asked, raising a brow.

“You remembered all the places where important moments in our lives were made. I kept track of every time I thought about you, saw you, talked to you. Anytime I had a hard day I'd read them.” I answered.

“They were important moments?” She asked confused.

“Too me, they were important. That day on the bridge you texted me, you told me you couldn’t do it anymore and I spent 30 minutes running to you until I found you.” I sighed.

“That day in the park with Nat, that was the moment I realized you lost your virginity and I was angry and took it out on Nat. I took you out for ice cream to lower how I felt about it.” I continued; Rylee gave me a confused look.

“When we kissed, for the first time at 14. I didn’t want to have my first kiss with you in front of a bunch of idiots, when you told me to kiss you, I felt so much pressure even though there wasn’t supposed to be any. So, I took you to the woods where we were alone and kissed you and we never talked about it again. Even after everyone thought your first kiss was with me at a spin the bottle party in Jackie’s basement.” I continued; she didn’t speak. Rylee sat there watching me intently.

“The day outside of the school? I wanted it to bother you, I was confused about my feelings for you so I started dating Jane hoping to clear things up for myself and it didn’t. I was kissing her but thinking about you, when you wouldn’t admit why it bothered you or that it even did bother you, I was more confused.” I continued; Rylee looked out the window.

“The night we slept out in the field; I didn’t sleep at all. I promised to keep you safe, I flipped out on Lucas that night for letting his friends talk to you that way. I watched the sky as you cuddled close to me because if I didn’t focus on anything else I would have told you right then and there that I was in love with you. I memorized the stars because I watched them for hours, trying to think of anything else but how close you were, how you listened to my heartbeat to fall asleep.” I continued; the look of guilt flashed across her face.

“When we were walking through the woods that day and you held my hand my heart started beating faster than it ever had,” I said slowly, looking out at the moon.

“The day we were messing around on the bed while Lucas was saying goodbye to his friends, I tried so hard to contain the feelings I felt for you, though you were sitting on top of me I couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways it could go, when I flipped you over and pinned you down it made it worse. I had to physically force myself off of you, I couldn’t restrain myself from kissing you, I was going to kiss you but you were dating Lucas. He’s my brother and I couldn’t do that to him but I almost couldn’t stop myself that time.” I explained, running my hand through my hair and looking at the ground.

“They were important moments to you and I never even realized.” Rylee huffed.

“They were important moments for me because they were times when I felt my heart beat a little faster, my palms become sweaty, they were times when I knew I loved you but refused to admit it to myself. I thought maybe it was just a s*x thing and that would be it but it wasn’t, I couldn’t stop thinking about things that friends don’t think about. I had to push myself to f**k Daisy when she came on to me and the entire time I thought about you, I know that’s weird but it's true.” I sighed, rubbing my hands together.

“You thought it was a s*x thing? You thought about me while f*****g Daisy?!” she yelled.

“Yeah, I'm not going to lie about it. I realized that’s not what it was though.” I said lowly.

“When did you know it wasn’t a s*x thing?” she asked, finally looking at me.

“When you walked in on me and Jane kissing when you told me you had s*x with Nat when I watched you cry over Lucas. I could name a thousand times I knew it wasn’t a s*x thing.” I chuckle slightly.

“When did you admit it to yourself?” she asked, running her hand over her chest to her collar bone.

“When we were at the 10th-grade dance and you walked in alone...” I sighed.

“You don’t know how to talk to girls, you have no game Cam” I laughed, standing with a group of guys.

“I don’t need game, I'm a football player.” Cam laughed.

“You still need game.” I scoffed.

“You don’t have game; everyone thinks Rylee is your girlfriend.” Jackson teased.

“If I could land a girl like Rylee, I'd be set.” I laughed.

“You mean if you could get Rylee?” Cam laughed.

“Damn...” Jackson said lowly as he turned towards the door.

“She looks...” Cam started.

“Incredible.” I sighed, completely ignoring them and walking towards her as she walked into the dance alone.

“No date?” I asked, holding my arm out for her.

“I don’t date.” She giggled, wrapping her arm around mine.

“I know, come on” I chuckled, shaking my head.

“You look gorgeous.” I smiled, pulling her into the crowd of people dancing.

“Really? You don’t think it’s too slutty?” she laughed.

“If anyone calls you slutty, I'll knock them out.” I laughed.

“Well thanks, but don’t do that.” she laughed loudly.

“Rylee, you look smoking hot.” Cam walked over.

“Okay...” she said awkwardly.

“No game.” I laughed; Rylee buried her face in my chest so he wouldn’t see her laugh.

“Can you guys just f**k already so I can have a good wingman?” Cam said sternly.

“It’s not like that...” I scoffed.

“Yeah, I'm sure it’s not.” Cam laughed walking away.

“You are like my knight, you know that?” Rylee laughed.

“Yeah, I've gathered that.” I laugh, ignoring Cam’s comments.

“Thank you.” Rylee smiled, looking up at me. I looked down at her, her big blue eyes staring back at me, Her full lips into her perfect smile.

“I think...” I said lowly.

“Luka you okay?” she asked, confused.

“Mhm.” I smiled, pushing the thought of actually being in love with her out of my head as the flashbacks of all of our time together, every time I knew I loved her but couldn’t admit it. I think I finally can...

“Seriously?” She laughed.

“You looked amazing; I couldn’t help it. I was going to tell you but as soon as you spoke, I remembered it wasn’t a dream.” I laughed.

“Wow, so in 10th grade at the...spring dance, was when you admitted you were in love with me?” she laughed.

“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the smile on my face.

“Anyways, feel free to read those on your own time. I’m glad we had this talk...I’m going to head out...” I said standing up.

“Stay, read them with me.” she smiled.

“I can’t...” I said slowly.

“Big date?” she asks.

“No, I just don’t trust myself around you anymore...” I said lowly, walking towards the door.

“What does that mean?” she asked confused.

“It means this whole time I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss we had, how it felt to have you so close, how your lips felt on mine. You are with Collin and oddly I have a respect for him so I can’t, if I stay, I'll end up doing it again and I'm not going to ruin your relationship with him. So, I'll see you tomorrow at school.” I explained.

“Oh...” she said lowly.

“Goodnight, Rylee.” I sighed, standing in her doorway.

“Goodnight, Luka...” she said lowly, fiddling with her hands.  

RYLEE’S P.O.V.

I sat in my room, looking at the bag Luka had left me. Full of love letters or confessions; both even. It’s possible I chose to ignore it this whole time, a part of me knew he liked me in that way but I didn’t think he was in love with me. I pulled out a letter and opened it slowly, preparing myself for what could be inside. It could be anything from something small and childish to him confessing his love.

I saw her today, her blonde hair up in a messy bun with her AC/DC sweatpants on, long sleeves covering her wrists. I know what she’s hiding, I’ve done the same thing. Though somehow it hurts me more when I know he’s the reason for it, part of me wishes I could take away the pain he caused her, but the other part knows she knew who he was. I wish I could tell her; I wish I could show her I would never treat her this shitty. She just picked the wrong one, the wrong twin. She knew he would break her heart, she told me that but she couldn’t help herself. I think she likes to be hurt sometimes, she spends her nights getting wasted and higher than the empire state but I spend my nights watching over her and making sure she’s in her bed at the end of the night.

I sighed before pulling out another one. I never could figure out how I always made it back to my bed at night, I guess now I know.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her today, I tried to get her to eat but she wouldn’t. It’s been two weeks since we went to her parent's grave together, where we sat and watched the sunset behind the willow tree, I watched her sketch the clouds in the sky and the graves on the ground but I couldn’t say anything that would help so I stayed silent, we made small conversation but it was mostly silent. I dropped her off at home and left, I don’t know how to be there for her this year. Every year she gets like this around the day they died and every year I try to help and fail. I don’t know what else to do.

I never realized he felt this way...that day is the worst day of the year for me but Luka has sat by me through it all. Even when he had no idea what to say or how to act, he pretended and tried everything he could. That year was the first year I felt at peace sitting with him in the cemetery, where I didn’t feel like my world was crashing down. I grabbed another.

When she walked into the room my heart stopped, all eyes were on her but her eyes looked for me. Her blue dress was stunning, the way she wore it so well, her big blue eyes, her hair in the perfect braid. She smiled as I walked towards her, the clear lip gloss on her lips made them look fuller. She looked gorgeous, absolutely perfect. It wasn’t until she called me her knight that I realized my feelings for her were more than just a s****l attraction, I think I'm in love with her. I know that I'm in love with her, tonight I realized that if anything were to happen to her, I don’t think I could continue. I promised her to be kids forever as long as we were together but we can’t be kids forever if we are together, so I'll push my feelings aside and hope someday I'll be able to call her mine.

I picked up another.

What if you had everything you’ve ever wanted? I kissed Rylee today because she asked me to. It was everything I had dreamed of, but somehow, I wish I could do it over; like it wasn’t good enough of a first kiss. It was both of our firsts but I feel like it could have been better. If I ever get the chance to do it again, I'm going to make sure it’s the best kiss ever.

I read it again, and again before picking up another.

Tonight, we went to Jackie's party. Of course, everyone played spin the bottle since this is the best thing now. I watched as the bottle spun around and around and landed on Jenny, Lucas laughed and kissed her as Rylee sat silently and watched. I spun the bottle next, praying to every god I would get Rylee. Somehow, it did. We locked eyes for a moment as people gasped, I could feel the anger coming from Lucas, he grabbed my wrist. I looked over and saw the glare he was giving me. The don’t do it look, I smirked and ripped my arm forward leaning over the bottle as Rylee leaned towards me. We kissed for a decent amount of time before Lucas ripped me back. Rylee’s face was a bright red when I looked at her, she smiled. Though everyone thought it was her first it wasn’t. That brief moment behind the school is the one kiss we can share in secret.

I smiled touching my lips at the memory...

I couldn’t stop looking at her today, her hair was flowing in the wind, her make-up light, her favorite dress that was her mother's. She looked so beautiful. I think now that I know I'm in love with her it has opened my eyes to everything, the guys who watch her as she walks by, the girls who glare at her when her back is turned. She looks happy though, happier than she has been in a long time. Ever since Megan moved here, she’s been hanging out with her, forming their own little group together. It’s been nice watching her smile all the time again, though we don’t hang out as much anymore; I don’t mind. I missed her true smile.

I left my mind wonder what day that was. Remembering my time with Megan hasn’t been the easiest but once I get past the bad thing, I remember I actually was happy.