Broken Promises

Forget me.

"Rylee?" Melissa says as she walks outside with a cigarette in her hand.

"Yeah?" I ask wiping my nose and eyes.

"Everything okay? Luka texted me and asked me to keep an eye on you" She answered.

"I just really want to be alone Lissa," I answer as she hands me a cigarette.

"Okay, I'll be here if you want to talk" She smiles sitting on the step next to me as I inhale the cigarette smoke filling my lungs. Where did everything get so f****d up? Why does it feel like the world is crashing down at every chance? I finish my cigarette before heading inside, Melissa behind me at every step.

"Is Lucas, okay?" Jake rushes in as I walk through the door.

"He's fine" I smile as I walk upstairs.

"What's wrong with her?" He asks as I close my bedroom door. I couldn't care less about the world right now, let alone what's wrong with me. Why should anyone else care? I strip out of my clothes, putting on an oversized tee-shirt. And crawl into bed.

"f**k Max" I scoff as I pull back the covers.

"Sorry," he said lowly.

"I don't even care, I just want to sleep" I groan crawling over him.

"I'm sorry Rylee, I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that," he said lowly turning to face me.

"No, you were right Max. One hundred percent right, he hurt me and I ran back as soon as I thought something was wrong. He broke my heart." I said gaining a questionable look.

"Broke your heart?" He asked confused.

"I loved him, Max," I replied lowly.

"Oh," He answered sadly.

"I didn't mean to lead you on or anything Max, don't get me wrong I like you. When you are the sweet you when you stand up for me. I was just in love with Lucas" I said as a tear fell.

"But you did like me at least? My efforts didn't go unnoticed?" He chuckled.

"No Max, they didn't go unnoticed, I do like you when you are you" I smile.

"But you love him?" He said as sadness took over.

"Loved" I reply as I roll over.

"I just want to sleep now Max" I sigh as tears drain from my eyes.

"Can I stay?" he asks.

"Yeah" I smile to myself as he wraps his arm around my waist. Lucas and Jason, my two worst boyfriends. Causing me the most damage.

I woke up the next morning with arms around me holding me tightly, I smiled at the thought of being held by someone.

"Good morning darling" his voice fell behind me as he lightly kissed my neck.

"Good morning" I smiled letting his sent wander around me.

"How did you sleep?" He asked in his husky voice.

"Perfectly beside you" I smiled, scooting closer to him. Getting a groan as my ass rubs against him.

"Babygirl don't do that" He groaned in my ear.

"Sorry handsome" I smirked as I turned over.

"Lucas?!" I yelled.

"Who else were you expecting?" He chuckled leaning in for a kiss.

"No, I was sleeping next to Max" I answer getting a questionable look.

"Who's Max?" He laughed as he kissed me.

"f**k" I yelled sitting straight up.

"Hey what's wrong?" Max asked rubbing my back,

"Nothing I'm fine" I sighed it was just a dream.

"You don't seem fine" He answered sitting up.

"No, it's nothing Max" I smiled.

"I just, need to go to the bathroom," I said as I made my way off the bed.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah" I answered walking towards the door. I opened it quietly. Rushing over to the bathroom.

"Woah Rylee, what's wrong?" Noah asked as he walked out of his room.

"Nothing" I smile trying to play it off as nothing.

"You sure? You look a little shaken up" He asks.

"I'm fine Noah" I answer closing the door behind me.

I sit on the bathroom sink, looking at the silver blade beside me once more, my escape, my release. 'Keep going' I hear Luka's voice ringing in my ears. Yet, the only thing I can think of is how nice it would feel, just once more; to watch the blood flow from my arm and stain the blade. I've been here before, many of times but I've never had the urge to bleed as I do now.

I sit and wonder how long it would take everyone to get over my death. Six months? a year tops? Would they beg to bring me back, or break down in a hospital when they are told I'm gone? Will they hate the doctor who tells them 'We've done all we can, but we couldn't save her'? Will they spend their nights crying on the bathroom floor where I used to? Would they feel like they are drowning at every second of every day like I do? Will they beg for someone to notice how bad they are hurting without using the words? I look down at my arm once more as the fresh blood spills from the small cuts I've made again. Relapsing once more even though I've made promises I would stop, but fighting the urge is so hard. I watch as the blood seeps into the sink and down the drain as I wish I could. Would being lost to the empty void be so bad?

A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts, as I try my best to hide it all.

"Yeah?" I say, my voice barely strong enough.

"Come on Rylee I have to pee." Jasons' voice seeps through the door as I wash the blood down the sink.

"Done" I smile as I open the door pushing past him.

"Everything okay?" He asks as if he cares.

"Fine" I smile once more opening the door to my room. Max sitting on my bed still waiting for me.

"You could have gone back to sleep" I smile as I crawl in next to him.

"I needed to make sure you were okay Ryles." He says with a sad smile.

"I'm fine Max, promise." I smile back.

"Your phone went off while you were gone" he replies handing it to me.

"Thanks" I smile as I look at the screen.

'Rylee, I know you hate me but you made me a promise. You wouldn't hurt yourself anymore, you promised to live up to that and try to fight the urge. If you ever need me, you can call me always. I didn't mean to break your heart Rylee'

I took a deep breath in before tossing my phone on the bed curling back up beside Max.

"So, is that what those marks are?" He asked lowly.

"No" I answer.

"Then what was that text about?"

"It was nothing Max, please just drop it." I stare at my arm as the fresh cuts have already stopped bleeding.

"Rylee, are you hurting yourself?" Max asks once more.

"Maxwell, I said drop it!" I yell.

He looks at me confused, hurt even. Lashing out at people I know love me, check. I run my hand through my hair as I climb off the bed again.

"Where are you going?" Max asks standing up.

"I just, I can't right now Max" I sigh as I walk out of the room.

I walk to Noah's door knocking on it lightly, Lucas wasn't the only person I made a promise to.

"What's up, Ryles?" Noah asks cracking his door open.

"I need that talk now" I smile as a tear falls.

"Oh um. Give me one second" he says before closing his door, muffled movements are made around the room and I hear a different voice on the other side of the door.

"Okay" He smiles as he opens the door.

"Noah, is there someone in your closet?" I laugh.

"What, no" He scoffs fake laughing shrugging his shoulders.

"I thought you were done being in the closet" I laugh knocking on the closet door.

"I am" Noah answers.

"I can come back later" I smirk as I pull the door open.

"Hey Rylee," Dean says from inside the closet.

"Hey Dean" I smile at him.

"Come out, of there" I laugh.

"Noah seriously it can wait" I smile once more.

"Rylee please sit" Noah smiles at me.

Weirdly enough Dean knows a lot about our lives, especially mine.

"Caught up on all the drama?" I ask Dean sitting down between him and Noah.

"Yeah" He rolls his eyes.

"So, what's wrong dear Rylee?" Dean asks putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I broke a promise Noah," I say lowly.

"The promise of not drinking out of the juice containers anymore?" Noah asks shyly. He knew the promise I was talking about as his facial expressions give him away, I shook my head as he looked at me.

"Let me see" Noah inhales deeply as he takes my arm.

"Rylee" Dean says as he rubs my back.

"When?" Noah asks.

"This morning, and then just a few moments ago" I sigh.

None of this was for attention, but man did everyone else feel like it was. Girls at school did it all time, explaining that it just makes them feel good, as for me though it gives me a sense of calmness. It stops the thoughts running through my head as I watch the world change from full of colors to a foggy gray.

"It's okay," Noah says rubbing my head.

"Where's Max?" Noah asked.

"Probably still in my bed" I scoffed.

"Did you guys?" Noah asked.

"No" I answered immediately.

"Has he seen them?" Dean asks.

"By accident" I chuckle at my response.

"Do you want to tell me why?" Noah asked.

"Just everything Noah, lately I feel like my life is crashing down. Like everywhere I turn there is something else that can go wrong. I thought Jay and I were good; we were over all the bullshit. I would be over having to hide the bruises, but I was wrong. I thought maybe, just maybe Lucas would see me for me, but I was all for a bet. For bragging rights at that, then he tells me he loves me? I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm going through everything alone, even if I have a whole army behind me." I say quickly as the tears form in my eyes.

"Oh, I hate it when you cry Rylee" Dean smiles at me wiping away the tears.

"Sorry" I laugh a little.

"Rylee things are hard for everyone right now, Melissa has a new boyfriend, Jason's going through something apparently, Jake is talking to this girl he really likes, I'm trying to focus on school and manage my time with work and Dean. Even Axton who doesn't talk much is going through why he's even in the foster system. Sometimes we just forget that we need someone to lean on." Noah smiles.

"It's okay to lean on people Rylee, especially when you are having such a tough time," Dean says.

"I know, but leaning on people really isn't my thing" I answer.

"Wait did you say Lucas told you he loved you?" Dean shot back.

"Yeah, glad y'all finally got that" I laughed.

"In the hospital?" Noah asked, making a confused face at me.

"Yeah, after he got into the accident after he saw my cuts. After I told him he broke my heart" I answered.

"You really did love him, didn't you?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, I did." I sigh leaning into him.

"Listen, why don't you go back to bed, get a good night's sleep. I'll call a family meeting in the morning so you and Jason can air out all of your problems" Noah smiled.

"You won't mention the cuts?" I ask.

"Never" He smiles.

"Or that I'm struggling?" I ask once more.

"No, even though I should. Promise you'll come to me?" Noah asks.

"Always" I smile.

"Night" Noah says as I make my way out the door.

"Have fun" I smirk closing the door behind me.

I walk back into my room where Max is no longer sitting, I walk downstairs to find him outside smoking.

"Hey," I say lowly.

"Hey" He replies not looking at me.

"I'm sorry for walking out like that" I put my head down.

"It's fine" he chuckles.

"What's funny?" I ask.

"Rylee, I have been falling for you since the day I held your hair up. It was only a few days ago but the more I was around you the more I needed you. When I finally had you, you walked away without a second thought. I don't think this thing between you and I will ever work out in my favor. Someone will always be more important than me. I think it's better if we call it quits now, prolonging the inevitable will only create more problems." Max said looking into my eyes.

"You're right" I sighed.

"What?" He said confused.

"Max, I'm so f****d up." I shrugged letting out a small laugh.

"As much as I think you may be the best person who ever came into my life, I think you deserve better than me." I smile at him.

"Seriously?" He scoffed.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I sighed.

"Yes, no. I don't f*****g know Rylee" he said throwing his cigarette down.

"Max, you are amazing. But I'm not. I'm just a rich girl Rylee who lost her parents in a tragic accident, moving from house to house as most of my family didn't want me, overdosed, or sexually assaulted and abused me. I'm not amazing, I'm not perfect. You deserve someone who can love you fully and give you the attention you deserve, but that person isn't me" I smiled as a tear ran down my face.

"So, one last night. We can sleep in bed together; we can cuddle tonight. And tomorrow you go back to forgetting I ever existed." I say again.

"But I can't just forget you," He says lowly.

"You have to Max." I smile. Holding out my hand for him to take.

"But" He starts.

"Max, come on" I smile at him one last time before he takes my hand. We walk inside as I pass Jason, he glares at me. I put my head down as I walk up the steps, seeing a conflicting look cross his face. I go into my room and lay down, Max curls up behind me once more, holding me tightly as I check my phone again. Only to read Lucas's text once more.

'Rylee, I know you hate me but you made me a promise. You wouldn't hurt yourself anymore, you promised to live up to that and try to fight the urge. If you ever need me, you can call me always. I didn't mean to break your heart Rylee'

I open the message showing him that I read it and put my phone down, I close my eyes wrapping my arms around Max's interlocking our fingers.

"I don't want to forget you" Max sighs.

"But I'm not good enough for you" I smile, as his grip on me tightens.