Long Story Short (it was mistake)

Chapter Ten

"Don't you really remember?"

I shift my gaze on the glass that I'm holding. I tight my grip on the grills in case I fall.

"You remembered, right?" he asked again.

"Yeah, I remember you" I answer without looking at him. There's no point of hiding it. We both know each other.

"Why did you pretend that you didn't?" he sounds pissed. I lift my heads up to look at him in the eyes.

"I should be the one asking you that." I pause for a second to wait for his answer, but he just stare at me. "And don't ask me that question because we both know the answer" I add.

"You should've just told me that you remember me"

"Why do I have to? Its already in the past and besides, you know that what happened to us 4 years ago is nothing serious. I'm just sad and you're just lonely. Thats it!" I explain.

He stays silent for a second.

"Why did you block me?" he asked. His eyes look so sad. I don't know, but there's something in his eyes that's telling me that he's sad.

He looks at me like he's trying to find answers to a question that he's been wanting to know for a long time. He looks thirsty for my answer.

"Because I feel bad about myself. I feel like I'm such a dirty woman, doing dirty things on the camera." I answer. That's the real reason why I block him, because I know that I just did those things because I'm sad, and I regret it. I regretted what happened 4 years ago.

"You should've just said goodbye or at least told me that you don't want to talk to me anymore, or something like that!" he almost shouts at me. He frustratedly runs his hand through his hair.

"Why are you being like this? I can't understand you. Why are you making this a big deal?" I ask him. I'm really confused, a while ago, he's just laughing and now he looks so mad and frustrated.

"Because it is a big deal. It is a big deal" he keeps pulling his hair.

"What are you talking about?" I'm really confuse, I can't understand why he is acting this way.

"I try to find you. I look on you on the internet. I search you in all social media but I didn't found you" He explains.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him I was surprised that he tried to find me but why is he so mad? Its already 4 years ago.

"Because I'm scared. I'm scared that you might kill yourself that night. There are a lot of things that runs in my mind, and my curiosity almost kill me."

"Why would I kill myself?" I asked.

"You don't know how you look like at that night. You look really miserable" he calms down a little bit I can still see the frustration in him. He closes his eyes for a second or two to calm down his self.

"I'm alive! There's nothing to worry about" I try to lighten up the mood, but I don't think it helps.

"Yeah, you're just saying that because you don't know what I've been through just to know that you are safe" he sarcastically said.

"What are you talking about? Can you please spill it out? SO I CAN UNDERSTAND!!" I shout at him. He starts to get into my nerves.

"NO!! You'll never understand!!" he almost shouts at me.

He drinks all the remaining beer and throws it on the trash can beside him.

"What's happening on you? Why are you acting this way?" I try to make my voice to sounds like I'm not mad, I don't think being mad will solve this conflict.

He took a deep breath before speaking.

"I try to find you. For the past 3 years of my life I try to find you, I spent 3 years of my life just to know whether you are fine or not. I travel here, I find work here and live here, hoping that I might see you. I think a lot about you. The thoughts of you, killing yourself are killing me too, and I just can't sit, knowing that you might actually killed yourself." he pauses for a second to breath. He also stops pulling his hair, making me to sigh.

"I'm crazy, I know I sound crazy" he adds.

My jaw drop when I heard the words he's saying. I can't believe what he said. I'm stunned. I didn't know that he had been finding me. I want to ask a lot of question, but my mouth isn't moving. I was speechless, I don't know what to say. I can't understand everything.

I close my eyes and grip the grills more. His confession made my knees to get weak.

"W-why did you do that?" thats the only words that came out in my mouth. I search an answer to his eyes.

"Its a long story" he looks down and tries not make eye contact on me. He looks calmer right now.

"P-please tell me. Why did you try to find me? Why do you care if I killed myself or not? Why do you have to spend 4 years of your life trying to find me? Why did you do that? I-I just can't understand. Please tell me why." my voice cracks because of suppressing my tears that is now starting to fill my eyes. F*ck, I shouldn't cry but I can't help it.

"Its a long s---"

"I don't f*ckin care if its a long story. JUST TELL ME! Please" I beg.

He didn't speak, he just stares in my eyes. The way he looks at me makes me feel sad about him. I don't know his story, but I feel guilty.

A single tear falls in my left eyes.

"4 years ago I was diagnosed of having a psycosis, it is a mental disorder. After my girlfriend die, I started to hallucinate, overthink and I try to kill myself for several times. My friends decided to consult with a psychiatrist and it turns out that I have psycosis. I've been isolated for five months because I keep hurting myself."

The loud sounds of fireworks make him stop from talking. I was shock because the fireworks was so loud, signalling that the fireworks display is about to end.

"4 years ago when we met online, I was in the mental hospital at that time. They isolate me to heal me, but it didn't work. Every day my situation is getting worse, I keep seeing things and I overthink a lot. But when I met you, everything starts to change. We only talked for four days, but you made me realize that life is beautiful, you cheer me up and make me smile. You made jokes and you made me laugh, and I enjoy it."

I wipe my tears and continue listening to him. Both of us stare at each other.

"For the four days that we talked, I think you start to heal me. No! I think I start to heal myself because of you. But when the moment you start to cry in front of me, my anxiety starts to attack me. I think a lot of possible reason why did you cry and why did you block me. After you block me, I try to find you in social media but I failed. And thats when my pshycosis metal disorder starts to get worse than before. I overthink a lot because of you" he didn't sounds like he's blaming me but I think he's blaming me.

"At that moment, I already think that you died. I don't want to think that way but my mind telling me that you killed yourself, I convince myself that you died and I didn't even do a single thing to help you. And because of that I start to blame myself too. I blame myself that I should do something to make you stop crying, I should not sleep at that night and just watch you sleep. I overthink and it kills me. I have mental disorder that time that's why I think in that way." he continues. I'm completely lost in his eyes. He's staring at me like I was a very precious thing, he didn't even blink while speaking.

"I-I'm sorry"

"No, don't be. Actually, I should thank you, because you are the reason why I push myself to heal. When I saw you crying, you made me realize that I'm not the saddest person in the world. You look more miserable than me, and that's when I realized that I should be thankful and grateful for my situation, I might not know the reason why you feel miserable, but it gives me hope. You made my mental disorder worse, yet you also made me heal myself." he gives me an assuring smile.

I remove my eyes on him and look in the sky. I didn't know what to say. I was shock. I didn't expect him to say that.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know back then that you suffered from mental illness" I feel bad about him. Why didn't I notice that he had mental illness before? "I should've been more careful" I added, still looking in the sky.

He didn't respond. "Are you completely healed?" I asked as I turn to look at him.

"I'm already healed but sometimes I take sleeping peels when I can't sleep and some anti-depressant when I can't control my temper" he explains.

"Can I ask?" he just nods. "Did you actually become our inspector because of me? I mean, did you know that I'm working here that's why you are here?"

"No, everything that happen here is completely unexpected. I didn't know that you worked here. When I heard that our agency will send some inspector in the Philippines to inspect a condominium, I immediately volunteered myself. And yeah, I had this little hope that I might see you here, but I didn't expect to actually see you here." he looks away, and I just listen to him.

"Life is full of surprises, right? 4 years ago, when I just got healed from my mental illness. I go here, in the Philippines to try to find you because my curiosity takes over me. I stayed here for almost 3 years. I work here and build a life here. I spent 80% of my time here to find you, but just like what I've said, I failed. And then, I decided to go back to New York to make a new life and forget about the thoughts of you. I give up on trying to know if you are okay, and there I found this job and was chosen to be here to inspect."

"You stayed here? Where?" I asked.

"In my first year here, I stayed in the condominium in Manila, but when I save enough money, I bought a house in Mandaluyong." I suddenly smile by how he pronounce the word 'mandaluyong'

"Its weird, right? When I'm trying to find you, I never found you. But when I already gave up, you suddenly appeared" he chuckles.

"Yeah! That was weird" I laugh.

"I'm sorry" he said. I just look at him with a question mark in my face. "because some part of me blamed you. I blame you for coming into my life and leaving immediately."

"I was never mad at you. I should be saying sorry. For making you spend 3 years of your life trying to know if I'm okay. I'm sencerely sorry" my eyes starts to fill with tears again. I'm really sorry about what happened to him, I didn't know that someone spent years just to know if I'm doing good. I can't help but cry, my heart is full of guilt and happiness at the same time.

"I'm okay now, I'm great. I've been great, and I'm doing very good. I know its too late to tell you this but hey! I didn't commit suicide. I'm still here, all good." I laugh.

"But honestly, thank you. I know I should only say sorry, but I want to say thank you too" I gave him a genuine smile.

"for what?" he asked.

"for remembering me and for thinking about me. It's just nice to know that all this time, there was someone who wanted to know if I'm okay and if I'm doing good." my tears stream down on my face. I automatically turn around to hide my tears on him. I'm now looking at my right side, and he can only see my back.

OH MY GOD! Why am I being so emotional? I hate this. I look up above, trying to stop my tears.

"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" he asked. I can hear the worries in his voice.

I don't know either. I don't know why I'm crying, maybe his story touch my heart. I just didn't expect everything.

I wipe my tears and try to calm down. I face him with my teary eyes.

"I'm fine. I'm just being emotional, sorry" I chuckle. "I think its already late. I should probably sleep" I continue.

He checks the time in his wrist watch and nod as a sign of agreement.

"Well, yeah. I'm going to sleep too. Good night" he said.

"Y-yeah good night! Have a nice sleep" I smile, I didn't let him talk anymore because I immediately go inside my room and left him.

When I reach my room, I finally get to breath well. I lay my self on the bed and try to sleep. I think it took me almost 1 hour before I could get to sleep.

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I wake up because of heavy heat. Sweat begins to streams down from my forehead and neck. I took my phone on the table beside my bed tp see that its 1:00 AM in the morning. Its so hot, I think something's wrong with my air con.

I try to turn on my lampshade, but it was not working. What the hell is happening? Is there a block out?

I open my phone's flashlight and stood up. I try turning on the switch of the light in my room but its not working either. I go out to my room to get some fresh air, I think there's a block out. The whole room was so dark, I can't see anything but the only light that come to my phone.

My heart skips a beat when I heard a noise from the terrace. I turn off the flashlight of my phone, and I walk slowly towards the terrace. The moon light helps me to see things.

"I've been here for 3 hours, but she's still sleeping" my whole body suddenly stiffened as if I were paralyzed by what I heard. I saw a man standing in my terrace. He is wearing all black and talking to someone on the phone. I want to run, but my feet is not moving. My heart beat is so loud that I got scared that he might hear it.

"Okay, okay." he said on the phone. Both of my eyes immediately get wide when he turns around. Finally, my body obey me. I hid on the side of the terrace door, thank God that it was dark that's why he didn't notice me.

My whole body tensed up when I realize that he's going to my room.