IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

WORTH 13

Niki reluctantly walked into Rachel's office at 9am for their session. This was only their second one, their first being when they'd signed all those papers. She wasn't sure what to expect, and her stomach was tied up in all sorts of knots. To her absolute surprise, Lou's car had been in the parking lot. Somehow, she'd gotten here first, and Niki wasn't even late.

When Niki stepped into the room, a young man glanced up from a desk. "Ah, Miss Lee is waiting for you," he said, standing and smiling kindly. He gestured for her to follow him, so she did, and he opened a door down the hallway. She gave him a nod and stepped inside.

Rachel sat calmly in her chair, with her hands clasped together and her shoulders down. Her hair was pinned up in a bun this time, and for the first time since their odd meeting, Niki realized that she was actually really attractive. Heat filled her cheeks and she looked away from Rachel's excited gaze. Louise was seated as well, opposite Rachel, but her eyes were cast downwards. Niki took her seat next to her.

"Good morning, Niki." Rachel greeted her, smiling widely. "I hope you woke up in good spirits today."

She hadn't. But she didn't say so, and merely shrugged. "So what do we do now?"

Rachel puffed out a breath and grabbed a thick notebook on the table beside her. She took a while to page through it, reading over something. A clock on the wall ticked loudly. Tick, tick, tick. Niki was getting annoyed.

"Before I explain the extent of step 4, I would like for us to share our feelings." She closed the book with a loud slap of enthusiasm. "Louise, is there anything you would like to share? Have you learnt anything since step 1?"

Louise jumped at the sound of her name. Niki could tell that she did not want to be there at all, and felt a tiny bit of pity for a second until it melted away. She was still angry with Louise.

"Um, I don't really..." She sighed. Her shoulders were slumped and there were dark circles underneath her eyes that even her expensive makeup couldn't conceal. Niki wondered why she wasn't sleeping properly. Work usually kept her up late, pouring over contracts and proposals and staff papers. It surely wasn't their failing marriage causing her lack of sleep.

"Go on," Rachel urged. "Anything you want to see. It can be good or bad. I want this to be a safe place for the both of you. We can't hope for step 4 to go well if we don't do this now. So go on, get it out. Anything stuck in there, expel it."

Louise lifted her face. Her eyes looked more bruised than Niki realized. "I'm incredibly tired right now and really not in the mood for this."

Rachel nodded. "That's a start. Would you like to share what caused your exhaustion and mood?"

Niki snorted. Both of them turned to look at her, Rachel's eyes filled with expectation and Lou's a glare.

"Oh, Niki what it is?" Rachel asked her.

Niki cleared her throat. "It's probably just work," she decided to stay. "Work and more work."

Rachel looked back at Louise, but Lou didn't look away. The stormy look in her eyes made Niki nervous. She hated Lou's temper, especially when it was directed at her. "My father was in the hospital," Louise told her quietly. She rubbed a hand over her face. "He fell overboard his boat and his staff only realized an hour later. It took them a day to find him, and another day for him to wake up."

Niki's stomach filled with lead. She felt awful. "Louise, I didn't know."

Lou's eyes widened. "Yeah, you didn't." She jerked her face away. "You're always quick to make a smart comment and think you can't possibly be wrong."

Anger flared in her chest. "How the f**k was I supposed to know? We don't talk at all anymore."

"And whose fault is that?" Louise snapped. "Who wants this divorce, huh?"

Niki pressed her lips together. "Don't tell me you didn't realize that we were heading to divorce. You can't be so deluded with yourself that you thought we were still happy."

"We are!" Louise yelled. Her eyes filled with tears. This wasn't good. Louise only genuinely cried when her emotions were too much for her to handle, built up over a period of time, suppressing her feelings until they popped. "I miss you, Niki. I miss us. Since this whole dumb program started, I've been on my own. Even the dogs can't fill the hole you left."

Niki closed her mouth. She didn't know what to say to that. The look on Lou's face was pure vulnerability. She really meant it. “You still actually care about me..?"

Louise threw her hands up. "Of course I do! Just because I devoted most of my time to my job, it didn't mean I forgot you existed, Niki. I just... you were never there for me." The tears spilled out, over her cheeks and lips and dripping from her chin. "Did you ever consider how I felt, Niki? I'm still so young to be heading such a massive company. The amount of stress I deal with daily would kill you. And when I get home, you were avoiding me or being your usual unpleasant self, and I got no respite even in my own home. So of course I decided to spend less time with you, because you only made me feel worse!"

Niki gripped the armrest of her chair. "I begged you not to accept it!" she snarled. "I knew it would be too much for you, Louise. I know what your father is like. He's selfish and cocky and a bastard, and he doesn't care about you the way you think."

"Don't talk about my father like that!"

"He didn't even come to our wedding!" Niki yelled. "You begged him, and he still didn't show. Do you know how that crushed me?"

Louise angrily rubbed the wetness from her cheeks. "I couldn't say no to him. I had to help."

"You could have, and we both know it."

Lou's hands tightened into white fists. "Maybe if you'd supported me, instead of fighting with me, I would have found the strength to say no."

Once again, the comment felt like a blow to the chest. Niki looked away, face flaming with shame. Louise was right. The moment Niki realized Mr. Aguirre was readying Louise to take the company, their fighting had started. Maybe... maybe if she hadn't been so angry, had maybe been there for Louise when it really counted, instead of complaining to Melina or just fighting about it, they wouldn't be here. The realization hit her so hard that she stared at the ground, eyes wide. She didn't know what to say.

"Wow," Rachel interrupted the tension. "That was quite the breakthrough. There was a lot you both were holding onto, huh? I'm grateful that you managed to get it out." She set her thick notebook aside, and both of them looked at her. "Now, I think I've mostly identified where it went wrong. I've accounted for that in my plans. Is there anything else you feel like sharing, before we proceed?"

There was nothing more to say, really. Except... "I'm sorry," Niki mumbled. She saw Louise's head turn to her, but she couldn't gather the nerve to look her in the eyes. "You're right, that I wasn't there when I should have been, and I let my dislike of your father come between us. I'm sorry that I wasn't there."

Louise sniffled. "I'm sorry too, Niki. I still love you, and I don't want to live my life without you. I'm sorry that I made you feel like work came first. Can we please work on this? I miss you."

Niki bit into her lip until she tasted blood. "Okay."

Rachel clapped her hands together in delight. "Wonderful! Now, we move on to step 4. For this step, Niki will need to move back in with you, Louise. The rules are simple. One, you will need to stay in separate rooms. Two, every evening the two of you will need to be home to have dinner together. No exceptions. Every night. I will provide the food. You will either cook together or just eat together. It can be in five minutes or an hour, but it must be done. I will know. And lastly, no s*x. Absolutely no sex." Rachel lifted her brow to show her seriousness.

Niki laughed. "Oh, I'm sure that won't be a problem." She couldn't even say 'I love you' back. Niki really doubted she'd be able to have s*x with Louise again so soon, if ever.

They accepted the terms and headed out. On the way to their cars, Louise turned her phone back on and was immediately assaulted with tons of missed calls, emails and messages. Niki saw her blanch, and she felt bad.

Before they got to their cars, Niki grabbed her hand. Louise looked away from her phone and up to her face, surprised. "You switched your phone off for that?"

Lou nodded. "I had to, or else I would be getting calls every two minutes."

Niki's fingers tightened slightly. "Thank you."

Louise smiled at her, but with the exhaustion so clear on her face, it looked more like a grimace. "I had to," she said. "Because I'm serious about this, too."

Niki let her go and watched as she drove away. Somehow, she felt hopeful. Maybe she could learn to love Lou again. Maybe she would remember why she'd loved her at all to begin with.