IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

WORTH 5

After the coffee was consumed and conversation had, Kia offered to let Niki sleep over. She decided to accept, since she was still trying to really figure out what to do. Mel urging her to take the counselling helped. Niki just needed to get over her doubts and steel herself for a very big argument when she got home, so she stretched out on their couch and had a blank, dreamless sleep. She woke up before her friends did and made breakfast to say thank you. Afterwards she accepted a shower, dressed in fresh clothes and then hurried out to her car.

"Good luck!" Mel called out to her. "And try not to kill each other, alright?"

Niki slid her window down and put her key into the ignition. "Can't promise anything."

"Call us as soon as you've made a decision," Kiara said. "Or I'll call you myself."

Niki rolled her eyes. "Yes mom!"

Mel laughed loudly and accepted a playful slap from Kia, but then they started kissing and Niki averted her eyes quickly before her chest started burning. Mel distractedly waved her away and so she drove off, shaking her head but smiling softly. What on earth would she do without Melina and Kiara to take her in for a night and talk some sense into her? She was insanely lucky to have them in her life. She briefly wondered if Lou also had people like that, minus Kia. It was no secret that on most arguments, Kia usually defended Lou while Mel, ever loyal, stuck behind Niki.

Traffic was very light as she drove home, mainly due to people already being at work. The rush was at least over, so Niki took her time driving through the highways towards the inner city. She considered stopping somewhere just to stall, but had to argue herself out of it. This needed to happen, whether she liked it or not. Her wedding ring still sat on her finger, a simple silver band, and with it the promise that they would stick together through sickness and in health. Niki owed it to them, to Louise, to give this a try. Even if all she wanted to do was just shrug and move on to something easier. Niki was never one to back down, though.

The house was just as she remembered it, though the only noticeable difference was that Lou's Porsche sat in the driveway. Niki hadn't seen it in such a long time that she had to really think about it for a while before she remembered that yeah, it had always been such a dark shade of black. Just realizing that she'd barely recognized her wife's car made Niki's mood drop low.

She climbed out of her car on shaky legs, but steeled her nerves and headed inside. To her surprise she heard the tapping of nails on wood and their three dogs came running down the hallway, eyes wide with excitement. A rush of happiness filled Niki at the sight of them.

"Hey babies," she greeted them eagerly, laughing. Spot, the oldest of the three, a full bred Pitbull, wiggled her butt as well as her tail and appeared to be resisting the urge to jump up on her. The other two, Scar, a Border collie mix, and Fluffy, a mix of what was possibly every breed of dog, wiggled beside Spot, crying softly and staring up at her with their big, brown eyes. Niki had trained them well not to jump on her, or anyone, even when they were beyond excited. That usually meant that they would all just sit and wiggle around until someone gave them a pat on the head, so Niki gave in and dropped down onto her knees. The dogs knew that that gave them permission, and so they bounded forward to paw at Niki's legs and lick her neck.

Spot was the wettest when it came to her kisses, but Scar had the sharpest nails. Fluffy was the most excited out of all of them, and she all but climbed into Niki's arms to lick her squarely on the cheek.

"You guys really missed me, huh?" she laughed, scratching them each equally. She struggled for balance as Spot stood on her leg. "I missed you guys too." She pressed a kiss to each of their little heads, laughing softly when they only exploded into another bout of whimpering and vibrating.

***

Louise heard the sound of Niki's laughter, but she didn't open her eyes at first. There was no way Niki would be home so soon, was there? She rolled over onto her back and felt around for Scar, but realized that all three dogs had left the room. Ever since Niki had left, Jennie had decided to bend the rules and let the dogs sleep on the bed with her. They were exceptionally clean thanks to Niki's dedication-reminding Lou that she never had time for them-and they offered the comfort that she severely needed.

Niki's voice floated in through her open doorway again, as well as the dogs' excited whines and the scrape of their nails on the wooden floor. Her heart shot up into her throat. Niki was back?

She hesitantly climbed out of bed, quickly fixed her hair and sleep shirt, and then padded out into the hallway. Just as she had hoped, Niki was on her knees by the front door, grinning broadly as she petted and scratched the dogs' heads and sides. When she gave them each a gentle kiss on the head, Lou decided to make herself known and left the shadow of the hallway.

"You're back," she said quietly.

Niki's happiness dried away instantly. Any relief Lou had felt fled with it. "Louise." Niki straightened and frowned at her. "I'm surprised you're at home."

Lou rubbed a hand against her sore temple where a headache was already pounding and headed to the back door, opening it for the dogs to run outside. Once they did, she closed the door behind them and grabbed for a glass. The headache was steadily growing worse.

"Migraine," she explained softly. "Kia forced me to stay home today."

Niki exhaled slowly. "Right."

Lou swallowed some medication and washed the cup by the sink. Afterwards she twisted around and folded her arms across her chest, then gave Niki her most serious stare. "Where were you?"

Niki at least looked somewhat guilty. "I drove somewhere nine hours out. Stayed in a motel for a bit. I came back yesterday."

Anger and hurt bloomed in her chest. "Let me guess, you went to Melina before me?"

Niki shoved her hands into her pockets. She was starting to look less guilty and more agitated. Before long, Lou knew, she would be angry.

"At least they look forward to seeing me," Niki spat angrily. "Not like you tried to call and find out where I am."

"I knew you wouldn't answer my calls, so Kia kept me updated."

Niki covered her face with her hand and inhaled deeply. "I didn't come here to do this."

"Do what?" Lou pushed away from the counter and paused right in front of Niki. Niki uncovered her face and glared down at her. "Why did you even come back, Niki? You don't look happy to see me at all."

Niki narrowed her eyes. "I'm not," she bit out. "I haven't been for a while."

Lou recoiled. "Did you... did you really just say that?"

"Yes, Louise. I don't really feel anything for you anymore. That's why I came back."

Lou clenched her hands into shaking fists. Is she going to say it's over? That the past eleven years are nothing to her now? She felt the weight of her wedding ring on her finger, almost pulling her down into the floor, sinking down, down, down until she touched lava and dissolved into nothing. Her throat felt too tight, her heart hurt. "What are you saying?"

Niki levelled her with a look. "The past eleven years with you were the best of my life," Niki started. Lou's stomach clenched hard. "And I'm not sure if throwing them away is the right thing to do. I... Louise, I do still care about you. I don't think I like you much anymore. But I care. I married you all those years ago, I loved you for all of them. I think we need to go to a counsellor."

Lou felt tears prick at her eyes. An emotion she hadn't felt welled up inside of her-affection for Niki. "I thought you were going to say we should divorce," she said tearfully, sniffing. "I... I was so scared."

Niki looked away and shifted her feet. "I don't think that's the answer." A pause. "Yet."

Lou nodded. "When do we go?"

Niki shrugged. "Once we call and make an appointment, I guess."

"Do you really think it will work?"

Niki turned to look at her, and for the first time in a year, it felt like she was finally looking at her again. When she nodded, Lou offered a weak smile. "We can only try," Niki told her. "We owe it to the promises we made."

Lou lifted her hand and spread her fingers out. She stared at the ring there. They had made many grand, impossible promises. It felt like each one sat heavily on her shoulders. As if sensing her immense distress, Niki gently touched a finger to her ring.

"For what it's worth," Niki said softly. "I'm sorry."

Jennie wanted to cry. She didn't. “Me too, Niki.”