SAVE MY MARRIAGE

RECONCILATION s*x

*RECONCILIATORY s*x*

When it comes to marriage ?, there are things we learn on the journey, one of it is reconciliatory s*x for me. ? ? ?

So after our honeymoon, we started to have some adjustments in our relationship like where to drop wet towel and not to, how hubby returns home throw his shoe in the North and belt on the chair forgetting he has a room mate and she's "fastidious" as he puts it. ? ? ?, how he would help wash plates and splash water on my kitchen board and I would still take my time to tidy up in annoyance. Oh goodness ? ? ? He kukuma stopped doing things around the house at some point till I made a promise to allow him do things the way it seems right to him? ? ?

On my part, he had to endure my conflict resolution style, I would shut down like I wouldn't talk when upset or talk and switch off from further dialogue. ? He found appealing garnished with plenty abi overdose size of petting and pampering me so frustrating and it's so funny how in splits seconds he accepts my apology when I goof. ? ? ?

I noticed after settling our petty disagreement, the love making that follows is so different like intense and passionate. #shouthalleluyah ? ? ?

Chai my salvation certificate o ? ? ?

So, passionate love making would follow and the cord between us tighten. Call this reconciliatory s*x. This breaks me like I would be apologising and doing mushy mushy ? ? ? The regret of my naughtiness would hit my heart differently. Hubby would just be giving me TLC ? ? ?

Somewhere along the line, we got so well and disagreement disappeared. Such a peace in our home and love making was so regular, adventurous, fun and so exciting. We would play like little children around the house and do a lot of pillow fights.

One day, it occurred to me like wait o we don't even have any disagreement. That's a good one really ? ? ? suddenly I remembered the passionate love that used to follow our petty disagreement and my head was doing tirintirin ? ? ? If you don't gerrit, pray about it. I wasn't looking for a fight o.

Please let's know how to enjoy peace in our life o. #selah.

So I told my husband like we are not even having misunderstanding. He said "...what do we need it for?" ? ? ?

I kept mute.

He gave me that look of "I caught you...you are up to something mischievous.." ?

I told him the way he used to handle me tenderly and made love to me after a disagreement ehn o ma shana ? ? ?

My hubby said we do same with regular s*x and there's no point looking for a disagreement. ? ?

We both laughed about it ? and he punched my shoulder like communicating ".peace is my love language" ?

Now, it's been 8 years and I can't even remember the last time we had s*x following a conflict. We are good children. 8year old child cannot be behaving like an infant anyways.

We don't need a fight to have a great s*x. #selah

If it happens naturally so be it.

Last weekend, during #SMTO2022 I made mention of reconciliatory s*x during my ministration. I made a very strong point that the journey of marriage ? is long and since misunderstanding is inevitable in human interaction and that marriage relationship, God has designed how to inject the refresh mode into our union through what I called "Grease of affection" which is not strictly about love making anyway.

Of course there's a saying that there's a thin line between love and hate, God wants to help us keep what we share in our union such that we are able to come together again after conflict. If after any disagreement, you find it difficult to return to the special thing you share as a couple ? you need to dig into this. How soon do you come together after a disagreement? How many hours, days or weeks does it take to restore your groove? #selah

Now, let me tidy this on two note.

One, that fire which makes you long for each other intimately after settling your quarrels, is a grease to keep the flow. Now there's a problem when either spouse cannot enjoy s*x except there is a fight. Or either spouse doesn't have interest in s*x except it is forceful or competitive. Such couple really need to see a professional therapist. That way you can be helped to trace the root of the problem. And if there's a history of s****l abuse this calls for a rapid response to get help.

Two, Talk about single ladies in abusive relationship. I once shared about a lady whose boyfriend would beat blue black. This boyfriend & girlfriend lived next compound to ours then, the guy would beat up the lady, we once saw the lady trying to escape punches and headed for the gate but the guy pulled her back into his flat by her hair ? ?

Upon entering his flat, he turned on his generator to drown his girlfriend's screams ?. The beating continued. Then suddenly there was quietness. Our neighbour whose flat was close to theirs said the guy usually have s*x with the lady after session of beatings and this lady keeps returning for more.

Do you wonder why such a lady would stick with such a guy?

So many things are involved. Apparently both of them have a problem.

It is either one or both of them enjoy the s*x that follows the fight or they needed the fight to stir up s*x or the s*x that follows has conditioned the heart of the lady into thinking they share something special and the only route to a great s*x is following conflict.

This reconciliatory s*x has power to keep the lady in this abusive relationship for years. It encourages her heart that though the guy beats her but when they come together in intercourse they share something passionate which is not true.

A pencil is harmless until it gets to the hand of a robber.

To break free from abusive relationship takes a detoxification of the mind of the victim. This is why you see them going back to their Egyptian.

The reconciliatory s*x the victim enjoys has the power to keep the victim in the bondage of violence and violations.

Why is this so? God has designed the grease of Affection with reconciliatory s*x so that as husband and wife you can come together again in intimacy, soul to soul, body to body and get refreshed for the journey is far.

Makeup s*x may be more intense, as it may assist in releasing underlying emotions but my caution is that make up s*x especially when issues are not straightened out would be like

it rewards fighting, drama, unhealthy frictions and generally bad behavior. This in the long run doesn't make for a healthy relationship between husband and wife. Critical issues must be discussed, get help if need be, draw the line to make changes and commit to your partner on the agreement. It is unhealthy to be initiating s*x when issues are left unattended to. It is also not healthy to block off intimacy instead of settling conflict.

I hope this bless your marriage ?

Esther Ebunoluwa Omoniyi

omoniyiesther1@gmail.com