My Secret Admirer

Chapter 2: Dread

Aiden's p.o.v.

What the actual f**k?!

My day has been going bad and now this stupid note too? What the hell is that supposed to mean? There is someone who has been watching me? What does (s)he means with 'I care for other people'? I know that I have been fueling my reputation for the past few months by breaking almost every single rule.

With my brow knitted together, something I do when I'm utterly focused, I went through my memories.

Skipping school, insulting teachers, multiple times, arriving at school drunk, getting into some fights, breaking girls hearts practically every week or sometimes it would last longer. Wasn't there a time I did drugs? Ah yeah, good times. It had gotten me expelled for two weeks but it was absolutely worth it.

I went deeper through my memories. Nope absolutely nothing.

Ah but there was this one day...

There was only one thing I could think about and that was the day that the halls had been empty during lunch period, but I had forgotten my headphone in my locker, so I went back for it. when I was done I had slammed my locker harder than I meant to and that caused a nerdy guy to lose his footing and fall against me while dropping books. As soon as he saw me he started apologizing as if it was his fault. I had sighed at my luck but bent down and gave him back his books while mumbling that it wasn't his fault. The look on his face was priceless as I stood up and walked away.

Other than us there was no one else there. At least that's what I thought until now. I reached for the note and read it again. I tried to see if I could recognize the handwriting but failed. It was probably a one-time thing. What was bothering me was how this so-called secret admirer could get this in my bag without me noticing. I never and I mean NEVER leave it out of my sight. I thought back to the girl who gave it to me and remembered how I had snatched it out her hands thinking it was the note my dad left for me and which I always carry around. Frustrated I decided to go shoot some hoops. I changed into my grey sweatpants and didn't even bother with a shirt.

As I was heading out, my mom called me.

"Aiden where are you off to?”

I didn't even bother to turn around and said, “Going to shoot some.”

"Well, okay honey. Come back soon! Food will be done in fifteen minutes.”

"Don't bother waiting. I'll be back in an hour. Need to get some steam off.”

Before I slammed the door, I heard her sigh and I felt guilty. Looking up to the sky I went on memory lane.

Two years ago, my life was perfect. I used to shoot hoops with my dad and my mom would always come and call us for dinner because we always lost track of time. My dad and I would stop playing, look at each other and slowly make our way towards her. Somehow she always figured out what we were up to, or maybe it's because and these are her words, "we both couldn't stop grinning like idiots". We would run to her and then give her hugs with our sweaty bodies, while she would be yelling "If you guys dare touch me, you won't get anything to eat and you mister", turning to face my dad, "won't get any special love tonight". Every time my father heard that part he would just leave her. That traitor.

Maybe I shouldn't bring up the memories. It's too painful.

I started playing, but I couldn't concentrate. I kept seeing my dad everywhere. I sighed and closed my eyes. As soon as I did, I was thrown back in my memories, the ones that I've always tried to forget but never succeeded.

There was a period that my parents weren't on good terms. They were constantly fighting but trying to act as if everything was okay in front of me.

In which they failed miserably, because I could see through their masks.

That was also the period that I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom and she didn't know it yet. It was on that day that the man I looked up to, the one I called my hero, became a complete stranger to me. It was like looking in the mirror, the outside is the same, but the inside isn't. I confronted him a week later and forced him to come clean to my mom, because she didn't deserve such thing. He had begged for my forgiveness and told me that it was over, and I almost forgave him. I almost did, but I didn't and now, more than ever, I wished that I had.

When he came clean to my mom, she was devastated. In her anger, she had demanded him to move out, which he did. Every single night after work he would come over and try to talk to her. I wasn't home when he had come over, so I was surprised to see him leave from our house after a goodbye kiss from my mom. I had looked at her with questioning eyes and she had told me that they were trying to mend things.

That night, of all nights, was when fate stroke my family. On his way coming home his car was hit by a drunk driver and he was killed instantly.

I still remember that night in details. It's engraved to my memory.

Flashback...

Around 11pm the doorbell rang. My mom and I had waited for my dad before dinner. After a half hour my mom decided that we should start eating. After that we just sat in the living room waiting. My mom asked me to sit with her because she wanted me to be there so that we could solve our family issue. When the bell rang my mom jumped up and rushed for the door. When she saw the police officer standing there, she started whispering no. Worried I came to see what's happening.

“Mrs. Percival. I'm sad to inform you of the accident that took place this evening. Mr. Percival was, I assume, on his way here, when a truck hit his car. Sadly, behind that truck was a drunk driver, who had momentarily fallen asleep. His truck hit Mr. Percival's car with full force. It may be a bit of an assurance to you that he didn't suffer. He was killed instantly.”

I think that at that moment I lost it, but I couldn't be selfish, because my mom fainted at that moment. Luckily, I caught her before she hit the floor. The police officer dropped to his knees, placed her head on his lap and he gently tapped her cheeks.

"Go and get me a glass of water."

I hurriedly went to kitchen and came back with a glass. He poured a little on his hand and flicked some water on her face. I think it was the water that made her wake up.

"Here drink some water", the police officer said.

"Thank you, mister...?"

"Patterson. James Patterson. However, I still have some news. Should I continue?"

"Yes, go ahead."

"The forensics are still busy at the crime scene and then he would be brought to the precinct. Would you like to come along? Or would you rather come tomorrow?"

My mom looked at me and I nodded slightly.

"We would like to come along."

When we got there Mr. Patterson- James, brought us to the morgue. Once there the scientist took one look at James, then gave us a moment alone. James didn’t stay with us either. Looking around I felt a shiver run down my spine. My eyes finally landed on a single covered body laying on the morgue trolley. In a trance we both walked towards it and I guess somewhere in my mind I was still trying to convince myself that I was dreaming and that I could wake up any minute. I watched my mom pull back the cover with quivering hands and as soon as she saw my dad lying there, a cry escaped from her mouth. She fell back against me, holding herself and crying.

“God why? Why?! I couldn't even say goodbye. I couldn't even tell him that I had forgiven him or that I still love him! I didn't get to hold him one last time!”

Watching my mom cry and break down like this, made me finally break. The tears I had been trying to hold back for so long were flowing down my face.

End of flashback...

Those days were the hardest. I would hear my mom crying every single night as I passed her room. After his funeral I decided to change. I didn't want to get attached anymore. No attachment meant no pain and no loss. My mom obviously didn't agree with my choice, but she figured that everyone had their way of grieving and thought this was mine. In that period James had been extremely helpful to our family and from time to time he still dropped by to check on us.

Since I couldn't concentrate I just went back in and headed straight for the shower. I didn't even eat and just headed straight to bed.

‘Secret admirer, my ass' , was the last thing I thought of before I drifted off to sleep.