ONE'S TIME (Based on a True Story)

TERRIBLE FEELING

Lunar New Year.

Once again, I am back at this tavern, this time with more companions. Circumstantially. you are once again the life of the party and this time we are able to savor your creation considering that you prepared much more serving than the previous night. With a smile on your face you greeted us. "What would you like to get?" Without any prior knowledge about your special cocktails for the night, I asked you which the best one is. "The best one? Me" was your answer with a smirk on your face. Jokingly I responded with "Okay let me have you" with a serious tone. We ended up cracking with laughter. I can see how tired you are, it was nice making you laugh. You went back to the bar to prepare everything we have ordered.

Once again I see how passionate you are when it comes to this career. Once again, seeing you, I was lost. In this moment, everything starts to slow down. Even though the music's blasting really loud, my mind is filled with deafening silence. I was looking at you with your little performance making the cocktails. Black... but this time you are gleaming. I don't want this night to end knowing that this will be your last night here in town. Soon you'll have to move to the bustling city for your career. Drinking, talking, dancing, trying to socialize with alcoholic strangers, greeting them Happy New Year, that's how the night was.

After some time, it was time for your shift to end. Now it's time to clean up your counter. you can now start going around mingling with your friends and with other customers. Finding your way to me. you told me how exhausted you are but still having fun. Making other people happy, that's what your proposition in life is. We were both standing up, our arms intertwined with each other. It was now your time to support me for here at the present I was the one getting drunk. Mumbling some words of the song playing, you apprise me of how good my voice was. Stunned with your praise, I kept silent not knowing the words I should say. Just stay there by my side, that's magnificent. One gal of mine questioned, "Do you like my friend?" directed to you about me. Silence has now become our fellow. In the absence of words, you looked at me. With your eyes fastened towards me, you uttered "I like you". She heard you, my other friends heard you, I... heard you. This point in life, people might have the thought of me being tongueless. Why do you have to say things like that? It leaves me speechless.

Just like everything in the world, all must come to a momentary end. Outside the pub, bidding farewells to each other, our arms are still intertwined. Some friends asking me to be with them and some friends telling me to stay with you. In the twinkling of an eye, I see my friends walking away while here I am still arm in arm with you - Black. I have to be with my friends, though it would be great to be with you. Torn between two decisions, I asked the Universe for a sign. Without further notice, you pull out your arm away from me to go back inside the pub. This might be the sign, looking towards my friends walking away. I was thinking of running towards them. However, as if on cue, you came back shortly telling me to just stay as I were. So, this might by the sign. Following the order, I stayed outside in front of the colossal door waiting for you. It seemed like a minute has passed and here you are back by my side. You asked me where we shall go. In reality, I don't really know. Do I want to really be with my friends? Do I want to go back to my own accommodation, or do I want to stay with you anywhere it doesn't matter. Thinking of what we are supposed to do, we started walking side by side, this time we weren't arm in arm, and rather, we are walking while our hands are interlocked. My thoughts are starting to drown me. Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I tired? Why am I walking alone with someone I haven't known for a long time at this late of an hour? I feel radiant since I am here with you however I also feel downhearted. This is the last night we might see each other. The next time won't be so sure. The next time would be after a long time. Continuing with the previous topic while we are alone together I asked, "So you like me?" With a piercing stare and a serious tone. you look at me and say, "I told you I liked you from the start. From the first time I met you in the tavern. You were different, for other people, I met them as a customer. We socialize as a bartender and a customer. For you, I met you as a friend, that's why you are different. That's why I like you." Winding up, we find ourselves booking for a room at some place. Seeing the bed, you quickly lounge down and loudly stated "I'm exhausted". I sat beside you and told you how sorry I am because you are here taking care of a drunkard, who is me, instead of being with your parents since it is the Lunar New Year. I heard you sighed softly and responded, "it's okay. this is also my choice and I also wanted to spend some time with you". I felt really dizzy compared to other nights. I drank the most tonight. Looking at me, you started to tease about how small I am. With you jokingly hitting my arm, it was soft but I felt my brain getting shaken up. I motioned you not to do it for the reason that I was nauseous because of my drunkenness. You quickly gave your apology and informed me that most of your friends are boys and the arm hitting just became a habit. To liven up the mood, I cracked up "So am la boy? Earlier I was super small to you, now I'm a boy?" Realizing the sarcastic joke, you laughed. During our previous conversations, you told me how you would smile without genuineness. All your laughter and smiles were just shallow. This time I see you smiling from ear to ear. I heard you laughing like a child. "You're laughing" being too glad of making you laugh as you do now, I haven't realized that I stated that loudly. "Yes I am laughing. because... I am happy". You might look heartless, cold, unfriendly, and serious on the outside, somehow on the inside you are like a child. Every night that I'm with you, I get more in love. Is love the right word? Still unsure. Nonetheless, once again we are alone together in a room. Lying by your side, I can feel your warmth, once again I can feel the rhythm of your breath, I can feel the beating of your heart, and everything just felt right. We have our little moment here, just talking about music, novels, philosophies, and career. Turns out we are more alike than we have known. My major is quite the same with your career with is mainly about beverages specifically alcoholic drinks while for me is quite general, food and beverage. Six in the morning. I spoke how time is so fast. "Time is only fast when you're looking back" you exclaimed. I do agree with you with that statement. Once you have noticed the time, looking back, time is fast. We even discussed something about how time is nonexistent. Our conversation is unfathomable, it's chasmic; that's the great part of talking with you. Somehow it's sexy. Getting tired with the time, we fell asleep by each other's side. I love how I can talk about such deep subject matter with someone. I'm feeling our connection getting stronger and I don't want to lose this.

Noon came. I woke up before you, stood up, took my coat preparing to head out of the room to get some fresh air. Trying to be as quite as I can, once I opened the door, you woke up. You looked at me straight in the eyes and told me why I would go without even saying bye. I muttered "I will be back", left the room, and closed the door. I just needed some time alone contemplating with everything. I can't stop thinking about my emotions, about what I truly feel. It feels like I'm falling into an abyss. Maybe that's love. According to Hagel's definition of love, love is like falling into an abyss of your own unhappiness. Now I understand that definition. I was happy, but since you came along I felt that I can be much happier. This point it's harder to go back to feeling how I felt before you. I like this feeling I have now with you but I know soon enough I'll be in pain. Going back inside the room I see that you're awake. You told me how panicked you were when I went out without informing you, however you saw my shoes still there and knew that I'll really be back. Had a short talk but sadly we have to have a pause with our conversation; hopefully we'll be able to get back where we left off. You brought me back to my place, stated our adieu and you then went back to your place to meet your parents before leaving for the big city.

I am having a feeling, a terrible feeling. I hate this. It's the kind of mixed emotions that's draining. I am happy to have this moment with you but I felt sorrow through my mind due to the fact that you'll leave the town. It is like something is missing. You had your happiness at this level but it won't remain constant. I am yearning for our next conversation. I am hoping that our next hang out would not be as long as the distance of stars. Adieu. Till next time. Black.

Humans are capable of hurting other people. Most of the time, just the mere fact that you exist in another person's life might already bring pain to that person. Once you get yourself involved with another human being. hurting them is inevitable. I hate that.