Between Brothers

I Promise to Do Better

Julian

I’ve been to the hospital everyday before and after work for the past week. Watching her go in and out of awareness, it pisses me off that there’s a possibility that the time we’ve spent together has been wiped away forever. Wiped away because she’s a pawn in a stupid game between Chris and Daniel, I should’ve never left her alone with them.

From day one I thought she was special, her shy demeanor but sharp tongue did things to me. I always spent my time in the shadows, hiding from the light. Darkness is where I roamed and I liked it that way, that was until I met her. She changed me and when she left, I went through a very… how can I put this and still look like the good guy? A time of forlornness. Everyone paid for the emptiness I felt. I found the only outlet was causing pain to women who slightly reminded me of her, worked to keep my demons at bay.

I remember the day she left, it burns a hole in my chest every time I think of it.

“Jules, are you sure I should go? Isn’t that against the rules?” Tara asked, worried the guys from my graduating class wouldn’t like her. WHO WOULDN’T? She’s perfect!

“Baby, you’re fine. I think I’ve talked about you so much, this is just to make sure you’re real” I say, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into me. She playfully hits me, falling into my lap.

This is my happy place. Impossible, I know. A guy who's spent the better part of his teenage years beating the s**t out of people for sport, has a happy place that isn’t dark and gloomy. Her smile lights up the room no matter how dark, She’s the Persephone to my Hades. Bringing her into my darkness, letting her see me for who I am, the light she brought with her changed the atmosphere. 

“Jules, you’re weird. I’m not that special, I’m just really good at making you smores”

“Yep! And they’re the best when you melt it between those thick thighs of yours, now put your shoes on or we’ll be late.”

“Ok, ok, ok.” She says, skipping towards the door and picking up her shoes on the way out. My phone starts to violently vibrate my pocket, I choose to ignore it. I should’ve checked it before we arrived.

***

Walking through the door of the bar, I spot the guys. I usher her to the table and she’s bombarded with questions, mostly about me and why she’s with me. All in good fun, I was having a great night. Then my phone started again, I checked it. The screen flashes an unknown number and I excuse myself to take the call.

“Hello” I say, stepping into the crisp spring air. The music from the bar is so loud, I wander down the street to hear the caller better. “Hello, I can barely hear you” I repeat, trying to take the call.

“Jules, don’t tell me you forgot about me already” His voice, unmistakable. Chris disappeared over two years ago, he left and I was in the clear. She was mine now but trouble is stirring and I can already feel the burn.

“Oh s**t! Chris, how’ve you been brother?” I say, the taste of bile is starting to fill my throat. This entire encounter is making me sick.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were graduating from the Academy?” He says, how’d he even know? I didn’t tell anyone I knew I was even in the fuckin’ Academy.

“Oh well, you’ve been in incognito mode for a while now. Didn’t think to bother you”

“Well, I’m sneaking into town to see someone. We have to celebrate”

“Sure, when are you coming in?”

“Tomorrow”

The line disconnects.

Tomorrow… 

And just like that my world goes from happiness to misery, all in the matter of minutes. Him showing up, planting his nails into her once again isn’t good for me. I will suffer the blow, she’s going to leave me, I can feel it. 

Shaking off the effects, I go back inside the bar. She’s there lighting up the room, smiling and laughing with the idiots I left her with. Her eyes meet mine as I approach the table, the sides crinkle a bit as I sit down at the far end. She looks confused but doesn’t make a fuss, she just rolls with the punches and I love that about her. She doesn’t always ask questions and if she does it’s because she’s truly concerned.

I couldn’t bear to look at her, I couldn’t watch her knowing she’d be in the arms of another man soon enough. So I left her there, abruptly leaving the table and bar… I left her with a group of drunken police officers, almost demanding she fend for herself.

Little did I know, she did.

I found out after the official graduation, after Chris disappeared once again, after she left me with nothing more than a text reading “Goodbye”. They raped her in the alley behind the bar, they took turns breaking her down like she was nothing more than a mattress for them to lie on. They took the little bit of happiness she had left and left her with nothing but bruises and pain. 

She never told me or anyone for that matter, this is a secret she kept to herself. 

I learned of the events from my partner, who heard them bragging about it in the locker room. Bragging how they dragged her out there, ripped off her panties, pushed her down and took everything. Leaving nothing left unexplored, leaving nothing undamaged or bruised. Then happily woke up the next day and received their f*****g badges. 

The guilt burrowed into my heart, I knew this was my fault. They did it because I left her alone, I left her to the wolves because of MY insecurities. She had every part of her violated, ripped and touched, not a gentle hand in sight. And yet I expected her to come crawling back to me, how dumb of me. 

Now I sit here, watching her fight for her life because again I left her to the wolves. I could’ve saved her, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be angry, be petty and childish like I’ve always been. 

Lost in thought I didn’t hear Chris enter the room, I should’ve known he’d eventually show up I kind of hoped he wouldn’t.

“They said she had a visitor, I wondered who” He says, taking a seat by the window. Staring at me as if he’s trying to read me.

“Yep, I was just about to leave.”

“No, don’t. I think it’s hide time we talk”

“About?” I ask, not caring to hide the annoyance in my voice. I’m not a fuckin’ kid anymore, he isn’t my boss anymore and I don’t owe him s**t. So why am I scared of telling him the truth?

“You and Tara. Why didn’t you tell me you two were dating?”

“Didn’t think it was any of your f*****g business” I reply, gathering my s**t to leave. I’d rather be at work than deal with this.

“Mmhmm, yet you knew this entire time how I felt about her” His eyes are menacing, dark and ominous. They usually got dark and weird when he was about to kill someone, though I’ve only seen it twice. 

“Look, it happened after you left. We didn’t start off like that but I liked her, I liked her alot.”

“If you liked her so much, why’d you let her get raped?”

“How’d you know about that?”

“I saw her that weekend, in a similar fashion to now dickhead. She never mentioned you but when she slept all secrets left loose lips”

“So that’s somehow my fault? How about the dickhead who had her and LEFT!”

“True, I could be made to pay the piper for my negligence but you my friend were her Beau at the time, were you not? That lands square on your shoulders” 

I hate that he’s right, though in some ways I already knew that to be true. If only I didn’t leave her, she wouldn’t have been hurt. All of the pain she’s suffered at the hands of people she loved, I’m surprised she has the energy to go on at all. 

I sit back down, no point in running away. I guess that was his point because the sick bastard is smiling, staring at me as if he’s about to leap… for the love of God I wish he’d try. This is a fight I’ve been waiting for.

“I’m not going to kill you, because I’m just as bad. We don’t deserve her, none of us. Yet, she’ll wake and love each of us the same.”

“I’m not going to force her to choose me over someone else, that’s stupid, especially when I’ve done nothing but cause her pain” I say, ignoring his glare. 

“Agreed. But I don’t know how I feel about sharing”

“Is that even a discussion? She’s not a toy, she doesn't have to be shared… unless that’s a fate she chooses for herself.” I say, like that’s really even an option. Share with Chris, that’ll never happen. The selfish asshole will try to make himself number one in some form of the word.

“I’m not a rag doll guys, and you’re so fuckin’ loud.” She says, that sweet angelic voice filling the room makes my heart skip a beat.

Both of our eyes dart to her, she’s waking up. I press the button for the nurse, not wanting to leave her side. The beauty that is she, has arisen and I never plan to leave her side again.

The nurse comes in and checks her vitals, letting us all know the doctor is coming to check on her. Her eye is still patched, and there’s a few scrapes on her face but she seems to be ok. I watch her take in her surroundings, take in what she’s heard, we were just discussing being in a relationship with her at the same time.

After the doctor gives his assessment, he leaves to schedule her for a scan to make sure the swelling has gone down. I sit back in the seat and watch her, the wheels turning in her head. 

“So, you two retards are trying to consider me dating both of you?”

“Yeah, is that a problem?” Chris asks, grinning at the idea of having her back. Sneaky asshole.

“That’s only if you want to.” I say, watching this unfold.

“Where’s Daniel?” She asks, saddened at the sight of him missing from the room.

“What do you last remember?” I ask, wondering where her train of thought is coming from.

“Well, let’s see. I saw him at dinner and with everyone and Chris’s wife, Kayleigh” She replies, so she doesn’t remember the attack. I guess in a way that’s good and bad, she could fall trap to him again. Someone needs to tell her but I don’t want to devastate her, hurt her more than she’s already been.

“Has Daniel been by?” She asks, the sadness noticeable in her voice. I glance over at Chris, his expression indifferent. He doesn’t answer, just proceeds with playing with his cellphone. I see tears forming and I don’t know what to do, do I remind her of the pain or do I ignore her questions. Chris looks at me, glaring as if daring me to tell her. We both know it’s the right thing to do but neither of us wants to be the bearer. “Someone tell me what’s going on?” she asks, light sobs leaving her throat. 

The nurse comes in to take her to x rays, as if sent by God to free us from this nightmare. The nurse, I glanced at her tag. Her name is Kelly, she gives us both dirty looks and pushes Tara’s bed out of the room. 

“Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut! Goodie-goodie. She doesn’t need to know, if she doesn’t remember then leave it be” Chris says, standing to stretch and stare out of the window. He’s probably right but the quiet prayers I’ve been mumbling to myself, I promised to do better by her and life in general if she would only wake up. She’s the piece that kept me together, the anger I felt towards her for choosing Chris even after all he’s done was nothing more than an elaborate lie. A lie I used to keep me moving, keep me honest, keep me alive. 

“We have to tell her” I say, not realizing he had turned around and was staring at someone in the door frame.

“I will tell her what I did, it’s better if it comes directly from me” Daniel’s voice echoes in the room, I didn’t realize how empty it was in here. There’s no need to turn around, to acknowledge his presence. “Can we talk fellas?” He asks, stepping into the room and closing the door. He steps around towards the last remaining chair in the corner, dragging it across the floor to join the newly formed circle jerk that’s been created. 

His face sporting black and blue marks from the fading bruises that once covered it, he’s trying to pretend he’s better but we all know he’s not. Especially when after I took him from Chris’s I beat the s**t out of him, definitely breaking a rib or two in the process. He’s lucky I know Tara would miss him or I would’ve done much worse, I’ve been known to take teeth as a prize but the feeling of his ribs breaking will have to be enough.

“Speak” Chris says, voice vibrating off the walls. I don’t think hospitals were made for loud conversations like the one we’re having.

“Look, I know I’ve f****d up. Hell, I keep f*****g up but I refuse to give her up. She’s the only good thing in my life, after I f****d up with Lillian I took all of my aggression and bottled it up. I am f****d up! But Tara, she makes it worth the pain I feel. Tara is worth the ass kickings, the pain, the trying to be whole again.”

I can’t argue with him because I know he’s right, she’s the same for me too and Chris. No matter how much I hate this dummy, she’s the glue that keeps us held together. A beautifully insane package that makes you wish you knew how to be normal.

“What’s your point?” Chris asks, ignoring the fact that I haven’t said anything yet.

“My point is this… we all love her, in our own weird way. I never knew about how serious  her and Jules, just thought you guys were an odd pair of friends that f****d. But If you’re here, then you must have a deeper connection. I think we can make this work” The smile he’s sporting quickly turns to a frown when Chris jumps up and storms out of the door. I’d say I was worried but that would be a lie, I’m not and only because we were just having the same conversation ourselves. 

Is it possible for three stubborn men to love the same woman, at the same time? I guess we will find out.