My sister was an actress. She was a child star. Growing up, there had always been a comparison between us. She was talented, whilst I only excelled academically. She can dance. She can sing. She was a very good actress, and her trophies and awards can vouch for that.
Of course, that put me under a lot of pressure. I felt like I had to do better. I felt like I had to follow my sister, so I wouldn’t be left behind. But no matter what I did, I never caught up to her. She was that good.
So when Elizabeth insisted on being a surrogate mother for my child, instead of finding another that lived overseas, I was confused.
Elizabeth was already living her best life. She was surrounded by acclaim, pursued by many bachelors, and at the peak of her career. Personally, any woman would’ve dreamed of being in her position. Even I, as a kid, hoped to be Elizabeth even for a day.
“Now I see it…” I whispered, inwardly realizing it.
“You know, Eleanor, I find it ridiculous that you’re here looking for your husband at this time of the day. What happened, are you in a fight?” She asked, as if obviously trying to let me know she was feigning ignorance. The corner of her lips mounted.
“Let us cut to the chase. I need to see him, Liz.” I repeated, impatient. “I won’t leave your house without him.”
“But he’s not here.” She sat on the sofa and crossed her legs, giving me a mocking look. “Eleanor, why don’t you just let him be? If he’s not coming home, maybe that just means he no longer wants to. Did you not think of that—”
“I know about your affair with my husband, Elizabeth…” I held my breath, and looked away. “I knew you never cut contact with him even after you gave birth to Elon, and not once, Liz. Not once did I ever ask you to go and leave us alone. But for my son…” My hands were already trembling. Confronting Elizabeth, facing their scandalous affair, and swallowing my pride. Terrible was an understatement. It felt like I was digging my own grave. “I beg of you, Elizabeth. Let me see my husband, let me borrow him.”
There was silence, before I heard her stand up. “And if he doesn’t want to see you?”
I returned my gaze to her.
“Our son is in the hospital, diagnosed with cancer. He would want to see me, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth gnashed her teeth. She leered at me, before she looked away and started walking. At the back of my mind, I hoped that I would feel a little ease. But as I watched my sister march upstairs, I felt belittled and mortified.
I felt more disgusted on the inside, wrecked, shredded. I felt pain almost twice as I did when I first figured out.
I swallowed hard.
“Mrs. Alistair…” Alicia gasped, alarmed.
“You did not hear anything, Alicia.” I drew a deep breath and turned to her with authority. “We did not come here today.”
There was a reason I did not say anything up to this day, even when I was already filled with hatred. I cannot ruin my sister’s career. I cannot taint my father’s reputation. I cannot put our son’s mental health on the line. Though both my sister and my husband deserve to be exposed, I cannot.
And perhaps above those reasons, another was that I think it was also my fault.
My sister, Elizabeth, came back several minutes afterward with Damian. Both of them were silent and stoic, as if avoiding showing any hint of guiltiness, or embarrassment. But I let it slide, for confronting both of them was not the reason I went here.
I did not want to fight Damian. If possible, I wouldn’t talk to him. But as I looked at him as he gazed outside the window with perplexity and conflict, I could not help but open my mouth.
“Elon’s diagnosed with stage two cancer…” I softly said. “His headaches were getting worse, so I brought him yesterday for a check-up, but it turns out…”
I paused. The big lump in my throat wouldn't let me continue. It hurts knowing our son is ill, but it hurts even badly to say it aloud. Tears started to build up in my eyes and I could only look up for a brief moment to stop them. The doctor’s words were starting to echo in my mind as I recollected what happened yesterday. And God knew I would literally break down in front of this man if I didn’t stop talking.
A stage two brain cancer? I never even knew he was sick, and it made me feel stupid and worthless. What was I doing all this time not knowing my son was already bearing such a life-threatening disease? How could I have missed that… and I dare to call myself a mother.
“Please stay with him.” My voice was as thin as my strength to speak. “He wanted you by his side, and I promise you I wouldn’t have shamelessly asked for you in her house if it wasn’t for him.” I shut my eyes tight. “I will never tell a soul, Damian, nor will I ask you to stay away from her. But please, do not let our child down…”
My hands quivered. A tear managed to escape despite my efforts to hold it all back. I was vulnerable. And I have always been. But this vulnerability wasn’t because of what was happening to us, but because of Elon.
“I’ll stay with Elon, and have my secretary look for a doctor that could help him.” I heard Damian say. “But I hope today would be the last time you’re barging to her house like that, Eleanor. If you want to reach me, contact my secretary.”
Barging?
“You weren’t answering my calls, so I thought it was the fastest way to—”
“I also want us to get divorced after Elon gets better. The papers are ready, so we should just wait until then.”