I woke up earlier than my husband. He was still snoring his life away, but I had barely slept last night. Today we are supposed to be bringing our firstborn through surrogacy home. It's a baby girl, and we have named her Rita. I can't quite explain why now, but I am terrified. Yes, I have been pushing Alexander to have a baby, and yes, I want nothing more than to raise our daughter with my loving husband. And yes, I love our little girl already. But there is a what-if at the back of my mind I can't seem to ignore. What if I become an asshole of a father like my old man? Or if Alexander takes his old man's demons? What then? What will happen to our precious little girl? None of us knows what a model father should look, and that scares the living daylights out of me. Perhaps I wasn't ready f
