Paths of Green and Gold

Thoris - boy

The first thing Thorn noticed was a sword hanging from the boy's belt, although the newcomer didn't seem like a swordsman, and his injuries looked more like traces of a brawl than a duel.  The warrior looked him up and down, analyzing his posture and equipment.

[Maybe the mad gardener will be interested in this new conversation option…?]

For a short while, the youth was looking at both men.

"Hello, sir... I came to this place looking for help." He seemed to be thinking hard about something. "Medical help."

Des Esseintes nodded. His inquisitive glance seemed to be evaluating the new guest - his dusty clothes, dirty boots, and bruised face.

"If you need a doctor, boy," the gardener finally spoke. "You are in a good place. I'm afraid you will have to be patient, though, as doctor Tregarth just went out to dinner." His hands smoothed his robe. He beamed, his eyes lighting up. "And for now you can sit here and enjoy the beauty of my enchanting garden." He gestured towards the pond. "Draw your strength from the sun and plants. They have a lot of it, and love sharing what's most precious with us."

The youth looked unhappy, but he tried to smile.

"Thank you for your help and invitation." He slowly walked toward the gardener. "My name is Dekares."

"I am des Esseintes, Jan des Esseintes. I am the gardener here and I look after this peaceful oasis in the world of bricks and dust." He looked at the boy who was just sitting down under a tree, placing his things around him. He wrinkled his nose as if he smelled something awful. "I'll better look for Adrian," he added quietly. "He will take care of your... equipment."

He smiled and disappeared between the trees.

Thorn looked at the boy with a bored expression.

There was something in the youth's posture he saw many times before: a certain way he raised his chin, the forced way he was trying to stand straight and tall that kept his muscles always tense, the proud expression on his face... No doubt, the boy dreamed of silvery armor and a silk scarf on his arm, about a plume on his helmet and a horse he could call with a whistle, about the luxury of the knighthood, but probably without even the basic understanding of the ethics hidden behind it.

It wasn't difficult to guess where the bruises came from. His attitude must have gotten him in trouble with some more experienced fighters. 

[You must know how to use the weapon you carry. And first of all - know when to use it...]

It seemed the boy was quite lucky. The bruises on his face were just supposed to hurt, and not threaten his life. This time he met someone who decided to just give him a lesson. But he didn't look like someone who could learn anything from it.

During his travels Thorn saw many similar youngsters - most of them didn't survive until adulthood. Fuelled by their pride and overblown egos they would - sooner or later - get into trouble with the wrong people, and their dreams of glory ended in sewers or dark alleys. And when fear took the place of pride in their eyes, they would understand that they actually didn't want to die, but it was already too late.

[The next opponent you meet might think your bark is too loud and should be silenced for good.]

For a while longer he stared at the flowers in the pond.

[You come here seeking help, boy, but you put your sword just under your hand to draw easily. And you probably don’t even understand your behaviour is rude to your hosts. How would you feel if someone came to your home with their hand basically on the sword hilt?]  

Suddenly he sprang up, grabbed the boy's sword, and pressed the blade to the youth's throat. 

"Where are your manners, boy? You repay kindness with hostility?" he said quietly. There was no threat in his voice, though, just distaste.  

"If you considered placing my weapons next to me offensive, then I apologize. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I took off my sword and bow because it would be uncomfortable to sit with it. And as far as placing my sword within my reach is concerned, it wasn't supposed to be hostile. It's just a learned reflex." The boy paused to catch his breath and then continued with a hint of spite in his voice. "And as far as manners go, I'm not the only one being impolite here..."

Thorn didn't move, still looking at the boy unimpressed.

[Another chatty one. I'm in luck today...]

"Next time it might be too late to explain yourself," he said coldly stepping back and resheathing the blade. He handed the sword to the boy, hilt first.   

[Reflexes are great, but thinking is also useful...]

"Maybe I'd rather die than explain myself," the boy said defiantly. "And even if I can't use my sword, there are other ways to defend myself," he raised his hand from his belt revealing a set of knives.

[Throwing knives... such a disgraceful weapon.] 

"But enough of the pleasantries... I haven't heard your name...," Dekares stood up.

Thorn ignored him and went back to sit on the bench, wondering if the boy was really so naive.   

"If someone draws a weapon to kill, they use it immediately," he said conversationally, his attention focused on the pond.

Dekares leaned against a tree and stared at the sitting warrior.

"Our conversation had an unfortunate start, I'm sorry. Maybe let's try again? My name is Dekares."

"I'm Thorn." He was sitting motionless, calm as a granite rock, but it was all just a mask covering his growing impatience. He already had enough of this place and idleness. He wasn't sick, he wasn't bleeding, he wasn't in pain. He didn't feel weak. Just a moment ago he had a chance to check the condition of his body, and all he found out was the need to go back to his everyday training routine as soon as possible. There was nothing wrong with him, except that. He didn't understand why the doctor insisted on keeping him in the hospital.

Finally, he had a purpose, something he really wanted to do, something that made him want to survive another day - but instead of pursuing his goal, he was just lazying about in the sun.

[Calm down. Selena saved your life. Your sister could think you're just an emotionless killer, but you were never ungrateful. You can take it. It's just a few days. You can't put your cousin in an awkward situation. You will leave soon but she is staying here, so control yourself and be a good boy.]

"Nice to meet you," the boy stood next to the bench and also stared at the sunlight reflected in the pond. After a while, he decided to break the silence again. "I can't disagree with you. I'd only add that it's important to strike quickly not only when you want to kill someone but in every situation. I don't mean to be rude, but who forced you to stay in this place?"  "One of the angels who look after me," Thorn answered quietly. Something unsettling appeared in the depths of his calm eyes. 

"Interesting... a guardian angel, who sends her charge to a hospital? I'm joking, of course. I was just asking who did this to you," the boy said pointing to the bandages visible from under the robe.

"I didn't ask their names. It was a brief acquaintance."

"Seeing how easily you disarmed me, I assume it was quite a big group of acquaintances," the boy was trying to find out more.

Thorn shook his head. "No, I was just careless," he said absentmindedly.  Dekares laughed. "What can I say? I'm sure you still win concerning the number of arguments necessary to be here. I only have two," the boy hesitated. "Although I guess in my case it was my own stupidity and carelessness. It's kind of funny - for the last few days I was tense like a bowstring but nothing happened. Of course, I was beaten up just after I got to a fairly safe place - the town - and decided to relax a little." 

Thorn still didn't move. He was just watching the youngster.

"It's not a competition," he said calmly.

"You misunderstand me. I do realize fighting is not a game, and killing people is not a reason to be proud." the youth paused for a while and then continued gloomily. "I'm not sure it's so good they only beat me up a little. Maybe they just decided I'm not good enough to finish the job?"

"You'd rather they finished?" Thorn asked coldly.

[This can be arranged, boy...]

"I guess you could say that. I don't like the thought of dying under some outlaws' boots, but I walk with a sword at my belt, so I have to consider the possibility I might die from it..." For a while he looked at the warrior, hesitating. "And as I don't have anything else than my sword, that’s what I'm counting on I guess. I don't get under other people's blades - I'm not that stupid. But if I die, I won't regret it as there is nothing to regret. Only the weight of the sword in my hand brings me joy and comfort..."

 Thorn listened to the boy's speech in silence.   

[Do you really believe all that? If you don't approve of killing, why carry a weapon? So that someone treats you seriously and kills you with a blade instead of just beating you up? How can holding a tool the purpose of which you consider disgraceful give you joy? You want to die but only the way you choose yourself? What's the difference, though? In the end, the result is the same - you are dead. And nothing related to this world matters to you anymore.]

"So the weight of the sword gives you comfort, but you don't consider killing a reason to be proud?" Thorn's voice sounded amused, but his face remained serious.

"Brandishing a sword is the only thing I can do that gives me satisfaction. That's the only time I can really focus." The boy looked at Thorn with aversion. "And you? Do you feel proud or joyful when you kill someone?"  

[Maybe you should try "brandishing" something less sharp? You wouldn't have to worry about accidentally hurting someone. Or, if you insist on brandishing sharp objects you could become a lumberjack or even a butcher - at least you'd be useful. I feel grateful when I kill someone because that means I get to live yet another day. But I guess you wouldn't understand.]

"I'm sure there are safer ways to solve concentration problems." Thorn shrugged.  

Dekares laughed. 

"Yes, sure." He was still giggling a little. 

"Why not try them, then?" Thorn was unmoved by the boy's reactions. 

"When I understand my own choice, I will definitely inform you. For now, I can just say that the moment I took the sword in my hands I knew this is how I wanna walk through life - with a sword in my hand. I don't know why that is. It's sad that the only thing giving me joy, or maybe satisfaction, leads to killing, which I find hard to accept..."

"So why don't you find a different way for yourself?"

"I actually like my way. I think I should look for a different one if killing starts bringing me joy. No man, or other creature, should kill. Sometimes it's necessary but it should cause sadness, not joy or pride."

This time it was Thorn's turn to laugh. 

"How many people have you killed?"

"I didn't mean only killing people, but all living beings, but I killed one person. You could say I killed someone once. That's why I am where I am.

"You could say?" Thorn asked surprised. 

Dekares was silent for a while.

"I didn't kill that person with my own hands, but I was the reason they died. Actually - I was wrong, I killed one more man on that day - myself.”

[You're really talkative for a corpse...]

"Maybe you misunderstood me," the boy started to explain himself. "I don't intend to show mercy when I have to fight someone. If it's necessary, I will kill. That's what I've been learning most of my life. But I don't intend to get pleasure from it or consider it a glorious deed. Killing is bad but sometimes necessary. However, you can't lose yourself in it and allow for a situation when you kill just for the sake of killing."

[How can you be so sure you will kill when necessary if you never had to do that?] Thorn was watching the agitated boy, his face not showing any emotion.   

"So you intend to kill when necessary and then beat yourself up for it..." the warrior said amused. "You say killing is bad but by carrying a sword you fuel it."

"Everyone has free will and is responsible for his own decisions and deeds." Dekares was very sure of himself. "And an unarmed man can provoke bloodshed too. We don't attack stronger opponents, but weaker and defenseless ones.”  

[If you think the weak and defenseless should be attacked, then we have nothing to talk about.]

"If for you the difference between weak and strong is the presence of a piece of metal, then I'm afraid you will always be weak..." Thorn shrugged and focused on the leaves shining with golden sunlight. He was already bored with the boy's meaningless chattering. The youth seemed to say whatever came to his mind without thinking much about it.

He wondered if all boys his age were so annoying, arrogant, and big-headed, but when he tried to remember himself from years ago he didn't find any similarities.   

[Someday you'll find out not everything is as you'd like it to be. But for that you'd have to leave your simple childish world...] 

All his life, he marked the borders, raised the barriers, and locked the doors he thought he shouldn't cross. It wasn't easy, but he knew there was no other way. He carefully built a high wall along his path, so that nothing distracted him and nobody was dragged into his world.

Everything was going well until She appeared in his life. He knew that keeping this thread of attachment was dangerous; that someday it could have consequences he didn't even want to think about; that it could force him to make choices he would never want to make. However, She was the one who helped him achieve things he wouldn't be able to even approach by himself. Her appearance shook the foundations of his world, and he was unable to reject or forget that. He just wanted to see Her again. That was all.

+++

[The forest whispered of the coming winter. The carpet of fallen leaves made it difficult to move quietly, but the woman flitted between the trees like a ghost. The warrior felt there must have been a reason she chose him as her companion. He didn't know exactly what she could want, so he just followed her in silence.

Finally, she stopped and turned towards him. For a while, she watched him in silence, maybe wondering if she chose well.

"We can't act like this..." she started confidently.

He listened to everything she had to say. He was also partly responsible for the conflicts she was talking about, but she didn't reproach him.

He knew that in their small group she was the only one who could lead.

When she finished, he saw the tense expectation in her whole posture. A sudden gust of wind made the dry leaves dance around them with an unpleasant rustling.

He nodded.

"Whatever you decide, you have my support."]

+++

He closed his eyes. His thoughts were focused on Her. Where was She now? What was She doing? What was She thinking about?

He wondered how the conversation with the boy would go if She was here. Most probably it would finish much sooner and worse for the youngster. Compared to his unshaken peace of a rock, She was more like a volcano. On the other hand, laughter was also a viable option. At least at first.   

The warrior sat motionless, his eyes closed. He could just as well be sleeping.

An ear-piercing high-pitched shriek, like a call of a ghostly bird of prey, broke the peace of the garden. Dekares and Thorn both jumped up. The boy grabbed his sword and the warrior looked around for any threats...