CHAPTER 6: THE WEIGHT OF WANTING
1634 Words
~SELENE~
The forest air nipped my skin as I emerged from the house, tight and icy against my body, leaving Darius and Lucian behind. Their voices, their touch, their power—all of it clawed at me like a fire I just couldn’t put out. I needed to breathe. I needed Eira.
I discovered her at the edge of the healer’s grove, bent over a table of herbs and bottles, sunlight placing through the trees and dancing in her dark hair. When I came up to her, she didn’t turn around. Of course, she knew I was there. She always knew.
“I was waiting for you to come and get me,” she said softly, crushing a handful of dried lavender with a mortar and pestle.
“You smell like trouble. And… regret.”
I.came over and stood next to her, crossing my arms.
“That obvious?”
Eira side-glanced at me. “Let’s just say your aura’s shouting louder than your mouth.”
I dropped onto a bench, massaging my temples.
“I screwed up.”
“You slept with them,” she said plainly.
I stiffened. “It never should have happened.”
Eira let out a long breath. “It never is. Until it does. Then it just… is.”
“I don’t know what to feel. Darius, he’s like a storm I can’t seem to break free of. Lucian is a puzzle I can’t seem to resist solving. And the worst part?”
I gazed at her, a knot of pain in my chest.
“It didn’t feel wrong. It was as if I were one of them. Both of them.”
Eira placed the pestle and the mortar on the table and folded her arms, turning back to face me completely.
“Selene, you’ve always been afraid of being owned. It’s what you’ve been fighting against your whole life.”
“But this... this isn’t just about the fact of being claimed. This is about you. About that part of you that does want it.”
I flinched. “Don’t.”
“It’s the truth.” Her tone softened.
“You’ve been running from the bond all of your life, Selene. Maybe it’s time to stop asking yourself why you’re attracted to them and start asking what it’s waking in you.”
I fell silent for a long minute. The trees rustled in the wind.
“They scare me,” I said at last.
“Not who they are, but... what they make me feel. as if I lose a little bit of myself every time I let them in.”
“Perhaps you don’t lose nothing,” Eira said softly.
“Maybe you’re turning into something else.
I looked at her sharply. “You sound just like Elder Thorne.”
“Do not insult me,” she shot back with a grin.
“He believes that you have to choose. I don’t think you get it. There’s a difference.”
I stood up, pacing. “And what about Caspian?”
Eira raised an eyebrow. “Ah. The volcano.”
I twitched my lips even though the anxiety was wrackling through my frame.
“He’s different. Wilder. But he looks at me differently from the others.”
“And I’m afraid I’ll hurt him too.”
Eira came over and laid her hand on my heart.
“The thing is, Selene, you’re not meant to be tamed. But maybe… just maybe… you are meant to find the ones who are strong enough to run with you.”
I looked at her, her words sitting heavy inside my chest.
Then I felt a sharp, recognizable presence in my senses.
Caspian.
He was close.
And he’d heard everything, from the heat of his aura.
***
The rustle of the leaves cut the stillness like a whip. I spun on my heel, and there he was… Caspian—reclined against a massive oak tree, arms folded over his chest, golden eyes fixed on me with a blazing intensity greater than the sun blazing above us.
He didn’t say a word.
Didn’t need to.
His jaw was tense, a corded muscle ticking under his skin. I could feel the tension dripping off him. Dangerous. Unfiltered. Beautifully wild.
“How much did you hear?” I whispered with the smallest of smiles.
His gaze never wavered. “Enough.”
I opened my mouth, unsure of what I was going to say — maybe an apology, or maybe an explanation — but he was faster than I was.
“You think I don't know what you’re doing?” His voice was soft, piercing like a blow.
“You think I’m not aware of that, Selene? The way you’re disintegrating trying to pretend you don’t want us.”
Eira moved uncomfortably at my side, hands full of herbs that she all of a sudden has no idea of what to do.
“I’ll… I’ll leave you two alone.”
She vanished into the thicket before I could detain her.
Caspian moved even nearer, every part of him calculated and wound up with restraint.
“You keep saying we’re dangerous. That they are. But you don’t get it, do you? I’m not so worried about them.”
I swallowed hard. “Then what?”
“You,” he said simply.
“You’re the one who scares the hell out of me.”
My breath caught.
Caspian's face nuzzled close to me, his chest pressing to my own, and he sounded hoarse when he spoke again. Honest.
“Because if it means that you stay safe, I would burn this whole f*****g world to the ground. I don’t share what’s mine. But with you… I would. I already am. And it’s killing me.”
I felt the sting of tears before I even knew they were there.
“Caspian…”
“No,” he growled when he backed up like touching me would shatter him.
“Don’t say my name like that. The idea is that you can’t date nobly until you figure out what you actually f*****g want.”
“I never asked for this!” I snapped the guilt and confusion finally snapping in me.
“I never wanted to be the middle of this… of this war you all have.”
“And yet here we are,” he gritted out.
“Because, deep down, you want it. You want the fire. The fight. You want us bleeding for you.”
My silence was enough answer.
He shook his head slowly, eyes softly steely.
“When you’ve finally made up your mind, Selene… I only hope I’m still standing.”
With that one word he turned and walked into the trees and was gone, leaving the echo of his anger… and my heartbreak still lingering in the silence.
I stood there, frozen, the wind stirring my hair like the storm still churning inside me.
His words echoed…“I just hope I’m still standing.”
How could someone so wild, so full of fury, still leave me feeling so hollow the moment he walked away?
The trees seemed quieter now. Even the birds were quiet, as if the forest itself were holding its breath.
“Dammit,” I cursed, running a hand down my face. My legs leapt into motion even before I could check them, and I spun towards the path Caspian had followed. I wasn't prepared to see him again… not like I was—but I certainly couldn’t leave that as the last thing between us.
But before I got to the edge of the clearing, a voice halted me.
“He’s right, you know.”
I turned to find Eira watching me again, arms crossed and her eyes laden with not quite pity… but frustration, maybe.
“You keep acting like this is happening to you. Like you’re some innocent caught in the current. But Selene… you’re the storm.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You think I want this?”
“I believe you’re afraid of what will happen when you stop pretending you don’t.”
With a stride of firmness Eira crossed towards me, and spoke more gently.
“And I don’t blame you. Three Alphas? One heart? That’s a hell of a war to survive.”
“I didn’t choose any of them,” I murmured.
“Didn’t you?” Her brow lifted.
“You didn’t sleep with Darius and Lucian because you had to. And you didn’t look at Caspian like that just now because you were confused.”
I looked away, ashamed of how much truth she saw.
“You’re not broken, Selene,” Eira said gently.
“You’re powerful. And they see it. That’s why they want you. But if you don’t start owning that power, it’s going to break them instead.”
I met her gaze again. For the first time, I saw the weight she carried too… loyalty to me, yes, but also the fear of what I might become if I kept running from the truth.
I gave a bitter smile. “So what now?”
“Now,” she said, turning back toward the healing hut.
“You stop running. From them. From yourself. And maybe,” she added with a wry glance over her shoulder.
“You go find that brooding i***t before he does something stupid.”
A sigh escaped me. “Which one?”
She laughed—a short, sharp sound. “You’ll figure it out.”
And gods help me, I wasn’t sure if I could.
But I had to try.
Because this wasn’t just about l**t or longing anymore. This was about fate. Power. And the terrifying possibility that loving them… all of them… might not be the mistake.
It might be the beginning.
- Writer
