Mate by chao Planoy

Chapter 5

I like to win...

Aoey was always jumpy when I walked past or when I touched her. So I tried to touch the sweet-eyes as often as possible to break the ice and built new habits. It seemed to work, not yet a hundred percent, but way better than before. Aoey got used to me touching her. That made me feel like a winner. I was ready for the behavior- changing award.

Cool....

I felt good that she let me touch her, morethan Great. I was sure that I was her closest friend in this world for her. But her statement that day was still in my head. It was in the deepest part of my brain. Why did she look at me differently for the rest of the people?

What did I do that made her think I was better (cleaner) than other people that she did not want to touch me? I was a bit upset when she said I was clean and she was dirty when she was with me.

I wasn't a detergent.

I thought about a lot of things while looking at her who now working quietly, typing something in her notebook. She caught me looking at her.

"I can't work if you're going to look at me like that". The sweet-eyes said and looked at me, it was the look that melted me. "Do you have anything to say?"

"No". I stretched up and looked away nervously. "I just thought you're so serious when you work".

"I'm writhing a novel. I'll publish it at night...how am I going to finish this if you're looking at me".

"I wasn't loud".

"But the way you look at me, It is strange".

"Ah?".

"Feel like I was being touched".

My face was stunned when she said that. Aoey laughed out loud when she saw my face.

"See, this is why I cannot focus on work. See! Instead of looking at my computer, now I'm looking at you. Your eyes are so beautiful, how can I look away from this?" The smaller girl said and rested her chin on her palm. "Don't look at other people like this".

"I mostly wear sunglasses. But if you feel uncomfortable, I'll wear them".

"It is the opposite of uncomfortable. I said your eyes are beautiful. If you're a man, I'll be so sensitive".

Throb throb....

My heart beat so loud like a drum at war. It beat so hard, like I had a heavy exercise, especially when I looked into her eyes.

Blush....Why did I feel like this?

"Aoey".

"Yes?"

"Why do you think I'm clean and you're dirty?" I finally asked what was on my mind. She looked nervous when I said that. I wasn't sure if I asked something too sensitive for her.

"Did I say that? I don't remember. It might not mean anything".

"Why am I cleaner than other people. Why other people are so dirty, you don't want them to touch you".

I looked straight at her now. I wondered why I was so curious about her. It kept it since last night.

The sweet-eyes realized I was serious about my question, she shut her computer ang took her glasses off, and looked me in the eyes.

"You, Gen, are out of my league".

"Ah?" I frowned. I started by challenging her but now, I was confused. "What do you mean?"

"I always admired you, Gen. Since we were in elementary school, You are cute, proud, rich, with respectable parents". The sweet-eyes shrugged. "You were so charming and in control. You could tell people what to do. You looked good even when you where self-centered. And now you're the same, beautiful, in control, charming, even when you speak, move or look".

"These are just physical things"

"Other factors too. You're smart, got good grades, came from a good family. You're so perfect. Too perfect to be...human being".

What! What was I, then?

"Compare to me, I have nothing. I was from the upcountry and came into the city with only 500 bath cash. We are so different. I was surprised till now why you let me live with you. Why have you never discriminated against me?"

"Why would I do that?"

"The are so many things you don't know about me, Gen. If you knew, you might think I'm a piece of trash". There was sadness in her voice. Her beautiful eyes were sad and I couldn't stand that.

"You're not disgusted by me now, right?"

"No, it wasn't a disgusting feeling. You are different from other people".

"Then prove it".

"Ah?"

I looked at the smaller girl and smiled. I gesture to her, who sat in front of the computer, to move closer to me, instead of walking toward to her.

"Come here. Let me touch you".

Aoey looked at me puzzling. She awkwardly got up and walked toward me, sat down next to me, and touched my arm gently, as to prove that she said was true.

"See. I am not disgusted by you. I just don't feel belong here".

I cupped my two hands around her face and forced her to look me in the eyes. Aoey was stiff a bit when I touched her intimately like that. But she was way better than before.

"I couldn't tell from touching on the arm. You have to do this". Not only cupped on her face with my two hands. I gently rubbed on her smooth cheeks. "You're skin is so smooth. What cream do you use?"

"The same brand you're using".

"La mer?"

"I don't know. I steal it from you. I wanted to be beautiful like you".

Our talk was so trivial. We just wanted to talk to each other.

"You're not afraid of me anymore, right?" I asked, she nodded.

"I think I feel good when you touch me. That is strange. I never felt like that before".

Aoey reached out her hand and gently touched the back of my hand. We looked into each other eyes. There were no words coming out, just long eye contact. The beautiful eyes look at me like she was entranced and I was entranced too. I didn't know what made me want to get closer to her, closer....

To....

Throb throb

Throb throb

What was I doing?

" I don't want to talk to you now. Go back to work." I got up to get to the shower and shook off all that atmosphere by talking about something else. "Are you applying to any school?"

"No, I wanted to save more money".

"When do you think you can do that?"

"I don't know".

"umm.."

I let the subject pass and got up to shower and get ready for school. When Aoey went into the shower, I quickly opened her notebook and checked on her novel. What's the story, what's the website, what's the pen name?

Did I care too much about another human being? That was not me at all. I cared about her future if she wasn't planning to go to the school.

Should I do something to help her?

This wasn't me at all....

I sat in a lecture room, pretending to listen to the teacher but instead, reading Aoey's novel. I never care to read anything else except to read for an exam. I did not even read Harry Potter. It just did not entertain me. I preferred to watched a movie or listen to music. But now I was reading Aoey's book. It was actually not bad.

I remembered an interview on television with a celebrity who advice if you want to read a novel with more pleasure, replace the name of celebrities you like with those characters. I used this technique in Aoey's book. It actually was a good romance novel.

Many people read it too....

I wondered what did she get from posting this novel. She didn't get anything at all. It was such a waste of time.

"What are you reading, my dear?"

Ja-Aeh, my classmate poked her head to see my phone's screen. She raised her eyebrows and smiled at me when I looked at her. She refused to notice that I was annoyed by her nosy habit. She was a nice friendly friend but I did not want to talk to her. I just did not like to make friend.

"This is Dekdee website. I read it too. What are you reading? Ja-Aeh did not care that now I was so agitated with her. Because now I was reading the scene where they were playing naughty under a blanket. "Oh!" That was a good one. Aoey is a good writer.

When I heard Aoey's name from Ja-Aeh. I felt so proud of my friend. She was a famous writer.

"Yes, it's good".

"It needs some good rewrite. It could be a self-published book".

"What is that?"

"It's the book that the writers, write, publish, and sell it by themselves. They can make a lot of money. I think writers from websites do this."

"Really? Good money? How much is good money?"

"I don't know either but I think they can make a-6-digit. Each book cost so much and if there are many people order it. They make a lot of money".

"Thank you, my good friend".

I smiled back at my friend for the first time with my heart 10 times bigger. Ja-Aeh looked at me and was so shy because I got her off guard.

"What...what did I do?"

"You help a person pay their tuition fee".

I talked with Aoey about the self-publishing book. She shook her head with disagreement.

"No, I don't have money".

I knew what her problem was. Money was never a problem for me but when I was to say about something, she cut me off immediately.

"I wanted to work with a publisher. I don't need to invest in anything. If my work is good, someone will invest in them. I think it is risky to publish my own book. What if no one order it? I will lose my self-confidence. I think people like to read for free. That's what they like".

She was so problematic. I sighed heavily and rapped my arms around my chest, looking at her with agitation. She had no clue how much I was upset because she said no to everything.

"Have you ever sent them to the publisher?"

"Yes, I sent some but never got any reply".

"What if they never sent any reply? You'll publish a book in your next life". My tone was tough because I wasn't happy that she refused to fight her faith.

"Don't worry, I'll pay for your publishing."

"No".

Now her tone was tougher than mine. I did not know why she have to refuse every offer I gave her as if it was a dangerous thing.

"Why?"

"It is none of your business. This is my business".

..........

Now there was silence between us. I nodded slowly when I heard that. Aoey now realized that wasn't the right thing to say when I avoided her eye contact. Aoey quickly brushed it off.

"That is not what I mean".

"Forget about it".

"No, we can't just forget about it. I just.....just...." the beautiful-eyes bit her lip. I tried to walk away but paused after my shirt got pulled in. "I don't want you to feel more pathetic about me".

"Ah?" I looked at her curiously. Now water filled those beautiful-eyes.

"It is generous enough for you to let me stay here. If you help me more, how can I pay you back?"

"It is not a pathetic feeling. I never thought of anything like that".

"I wanted to be your friend without you feeling I take advantage of you. It is enough to be my friend. People like you should not involve with people like me at all".

"People like me are not that great". I was upset how she looked down on herself. "I never did anything to be that great. I never earn money. I never worked in a convenience store. All I did is asking for money from my parents.

"In my opinion, you...are the best". The beautiful-eyes looked at me like she was trying to get inside of me. "I wanted to climb up to you. I wanted to suit you. That's what I wanted to do".

Throb throb...

"Aoey".

"Please don't help me. I'll handle this myself. Please".

My heart beat fast again

My head spun a bit. I did not have many friends. I did not know that someone needed to try so hard in a relationship. Someone want to clim up to my level and looked me in the eye. That made me so weak. I had to look away.

"What can I do if you said this?"

"Thank you for your understanding". Aoey looked a bit awkward before sliding into me and hugging me. She still did not like to be touched but she hugged me because she cared about me.

"Don't be angry about what I said. That is not your business. I did not mean to..."

"I understand now".

The smaller one looked up from my chest and looked surprised.

"Your heart beat so fast".

"I think so too. I wanted to visit a doctor. I think my body is not quite right".

"You should see a doctor. If you die, I Will be so sad".

I closed my eyes and pushed her face away teasingly. But I actually afraid of that beautiful-eyes. I didn't want to get too close.

"You sweet mouth. Are you worrying you'll be homeless if I die?"

"I'm worried I don't have anyone to hug....Gen!"

I sat down on the floor exhausted. My heart beat so fast and my body was so weak whn I heard that. I need dinner, I guess. But my legs should not be so weak.

"What happened? Have you fainted?".

The smaller friend wanted to pick me up but I brushed her off. I thought I was losing to something.

"I'm okay. I'm fine. Don't come any closer". I brushed my arms around. Aoey paused and tilted her head looking at me like a curious little kitten.

"What happen to you?"

"I'm losing...."

" To what?"

I did not answer but sat there quietly. Aoey looked at me all the time and I did not know how to answer that.

I was losing to her!