Craving Uncle Leornad

Distance between us

Sunlight peeled behind the curtains, colouring the room in shades of amber. Emilia was slowly brought from the sleepness by the feeling of the sun on her skin. She laid there for a moment, enjoying the peacefulness of early morning; her thoughts still blurry from sleep.

But when she reached for Leonard, who should have been next to her hand, it met nothing but the cool, empty sheets. Her eyes opened, and then furrowed with a slight frown once she sat up and looked around the room.

Where the hell is Leonard?

The tiniest feeling of dread wormed its way into her chest as she tossed the blankets aside and stepped barefoot onto the cool, creaky floor. Seeing him standing by the window, back incurved, his shoulders stiff. The light shading his figure, yet rather than being filled with comfort over his presence, Emilia felt an oddly frosty chill.

“Leonard?” Was all she said; her voice still husky and drowsy.

He took a moment before he did, and the look in his eyes made her heart sink when she finally saw it. The dark-eyed man of previous days had been replaced by something altogether less agreeable; the smile that so successfully wooed her away from his body was gone, replaced by an unsettling intensity in the black eyes that made her shrink inside.

‘Morning,’ he replied coolly.

Emilia's brow wrinkled with puzzlement. “Is everything alright?”

Leonard dropped his gaze as if he could not stand to look into hers. “We need to talk.”

Hearing these four words had her heart hammering in panic, claws gripping at the inside of her chest. She sat in the darkness on her mattress, waited to hear his slow, measured steps and the sighs that creaked through. Suddenly feeling naked in her thin gown, she wrapped an arm around herself.

“What’s wrong?” She said in a small, hesitant voice.

The sound of leonard exhausted sigh followed by a hand running through his wisp, tousled hair. I was just… thinking a- I mean last night…” About everything.”

Emilia inched one step closer, his hand reaching out to try and connect with her own before he quickly pulled away, keeping a distance between them. It felt to her as if someone had struck her a blow, and she felt shards of heart break in her chest.

“What do you mean?” And she whispered a question whose answer petrified her.

He stared at her then, really looked at her, and Emilia watched the struggle in his eyes, saw the war waging within him. Emilia, It was a mistake, this… us… I ashamedly let my emotions get the best of me. We shouldn’t have.”

It was a full second of her wondering what he meant before the floor dropped out from under her. “A mistake?” Her voice was a whisper,a hollow sound.

“How can you say that? After what happened last night— you told me that yourself, so I figured… You said you wanted us.”

Emilia snapped, her tone harsher than she meant for it to be. His gaze then softened, and a flicker of guilt shone in his eyes. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. My desires tricked me into making a decision like this, and now…now I see how wrong everything was. Emilia... your parents...I.. You're… you're too young, and this… this can't be happening."

The words were sharp, ripping her wide open. "You told me…" she choked out. “Then you said Im the most gorgeous woman..and..and you said..you want me. Tell me you want me leornad. " She hated how her voice was desperate and weak, pleading at most.

Leonard turned his back on her and could not meet her eyes. "Yes, I did." he whispered, a lifetime of remorse twisting every syllable. "Now, however, I had time to weigh it, and I have to draw the line here. We both know it’s wrong.”

“Wrong?” Emilia repeated, the word alien in her mouth. "Being in love is wrong?"

His very wince at the word 'love' was enough to turn Emilia's blood cold. "Emilia, you are clueless about love. Not really. And you are caught up in the excitement, the thrill of something forbidden. But this… this isn’t love. This is a fantasy, and it must come to an end."

His tone was so final that it made her knees buckle, and she had to take the edge of the bed in her hand just to straighten up. "You don't mean that," she whispered, more to herself than to him.

A sad look crossed Leonard's face as he closed his eyes. “I do, Emilia. It’s over. We can’t continue this.”

It was beyond her what the stakes were. She was completely overwhelmed and trying to hold on to something that would explain it all. She looked over him: the man whose loyal hands had cradled her with such a fragility yesterday, sweet words of an enduring future murmured in confidence now sounded closer to warnings.

Tears welling in her eyes, she pleaded, “Please don't do this. “Don’t push me away.”

He gazed at her then, and briefly she noticed the man she once loved — he had been kind and sweet. But just as the look arrived, she left in favour of his usual stony-faced mask, which he had worn every time she woke up.

Emilia,” His voice was even, “I am sorry. “But this is for the best.”

And with that, he turned and headed for the door, Emilia standing there broken and without recourse. Then the door clicked shut and silence, a deafening silence.

She crumpled to the ground, silent sobs taking over her body as a heavy feeling of rejection buried her. This room that had felt so warm and safe just hours ago now seemed a prison, its walls closing in like teeth.

She sat there, weeping brokenhearted tears into her nightgown, Emilia did not know for how long it was.

The departure of Leonard had left a huge hole in Emilia's life, a hollow that, for some reason, she could not even begin to fill. She drifted through life in a daze, her brain numbed by the pangs. His voice, his smell, how he felt.

But Leonard was gone, released from her grip despite how desperately she had wanted him in her future.

The following days were a jumble of rage and dread. She basically could not stop picturing their last chat and exactly how all the things possessed undoubtedly worked out so completely wrong, thus fast like it was just a temporary daydream.

It didn’t make sense. None of it did.

She saw little of Leonard for the week, which followed that meeting. He kept out of her way, dogging all her footsteps. And whenever she saw him, he would be aloof and cold, as if she were a stranger. It felt like the memories they had made were nothing to him.

The longer they went on, the stronger it got, and soon whats left of its hurt so much Emilia almost doubted if it was real — everything she had believed about their love crushed under the weight of a single wish that could never be granted. But the pain in her chest said otherwise. She had felt what she had, and it was real for this.

But Leonard apparently didn't.