Craving Uncle Leornad

Backslide

Emilia waited impatiently, experiencing the agony as each second stretched out like taut wire sharp fragile and ready to snap. She could feel every heartbeat echoing through her entire body. The silence between them was thick and suffocating the prickly press on her skin as if needles were daring her to move to speak to do something anything.

That's what one gets when dare to have hopes. But Leonard didn't tell her to leave as she feared he might, instead turned agonising slowly, locking his eyes onto hers.

For a moment, she saw it - something she hadn't glimpsed in weeks that one thing she had long for with every fibre of her being. Raw undiluted desire burning like embers waiting to ignite.

In that instant, her body moved on instinct, and the ability to think escaped her mind. She couldn’t. The pull towards him was too strong to resist. Her hands found a way towards his face, fingers trembling as she cupped his jaw before she could second guess herself. Her lips found his welcoming the intense urgent filled kiss with the desperation and longing she'd kept bottled up eating her alive from the inside.

For a moment, his posture became rigid and stiff, his lips unmoving against hers, and Emilia felt a wave of panic. But then, as if something inside him broke, he gave in. His strong, chiselled arms wrapped around her, pulling her against him with a force that made her heart race. The kiss was everything-the only therapy she needed, like a daily dose. Passion, heat, need consumed and wrapped her in a cocoon of cravings so overwhelming she felt like she might drown in it.

Her pulse quickened as he held her close with a grip so firm yet gentle. Forehead in contact, they stared at each other, breathing harshly and retaining some air. She thought she had won that she had finally broken the walls he had built between them. After all the stress her mind had been put to, the kiss soothed everything. It was fierce and gentle at the same time.

But just as she moved to gain another kiss, to pull him closer, something changed.

Leonard hesitated, and the warmth of his touch became distant, and before she could process what was happening, he gently pushed her away. Sh*t not again

Stubbornly, she pulled him, and he pushed her. Not harshly but with enough force to create a chasm between them.

"Emilia, stop," He said tightly, his voice strained as if every word was a battle against himself. He took a step back, dropping his hands from her waist, and refused to meet her gaze.

"This isn't right." Emilia's breath caught in her throat as the hit of the rejection slammed into her like a wave of ice cold water cold and merciless. Stunned, she stood there, hands falling limply to her sides, trying to make sense of what just transpired. One moment, they had been all over each other. The next, he was pulling away as if she burned him. (Well, she knows that she's that hot, but that's irrelevant.)

"Leonard.." Her voice cracked as she spoke, but she couldn't find the words to finish paralysed and pierced like a knife to her chest by the sight of his conflicted expression.

"I can't do this." He started shaking his head with turmoil filled eyes. "I can't keep giving in to these feelings. It's not fair to you or to me."

"But I want this," Emilia protested, stepping forward, desperate to close the distance between them again. "I want you, Leonard, and I know you feel the same."

For a fleeting second, when their gazes locked, she saw it - the flicker of raw need he was trying so hard suppress. It made her heart flatter and break simultaneously. How could he keep punishing them? But just as quickly, it was swallowed by something else. Was it regret? fear? guilt?

"That's the issue." Leonard murmured with barely audible voice. "We both want this, but it doesn’t make it right. I promised myself i wouldn't let it happen again. I shouldn't have kissed you, Emilia. I shouldn't have let it get this far. "

Emilia’s heart twisted sharply as his words tore through her like a glass. There was so much pain that left her breathless. "So what?!" She demanded her voice shaking.

"You're just going to keep pushing me away ? Pretend none of this ever happened? Stop treating me like a child!"

"I don't have a choice," Leonard replied with a resolute tone. "We can't keep doing this. It's not about what we want. There are consequences, things we need to think beyond just us. "

Panic surged through her, paralysing her chest like iron chains. What's there to think about? She abruptly reached out, grabbed his hand, and kept the hold as if her life depended on it.

"But I want to be with you, Leonard." She tried her voice, breaking from the weight of her emotions threatening to pull her under."Doesn’t that matter?"

Leonard closed his eyes more pain etched into his features. When he finally opened them and the look presented there, shattered what little hope she had left.

"It matters more than you know," He softly said and then added, "But that's why I have to do this. I have to protect you, even if it means protecting you from me. "

The way he said it bared the weight of something akin to a double meaning. And more if it's about protecting, he'd already mess up some steps." I don't need protection." She shook her head, tears she had been holding back spilling freely down her cheek in hot silent stream.

Her body trembled as she fought to hold herself together. "I need you. Please. Don't do this. Don’t walk away from me." She insisted, her tone rising with a mixture of frustration and desperation.

He gently pulled his hand from her, creating a safe distance once again. " I'm not going to walk away."

"But we need to find a way to live under the same roof without ..this. Without crossing more lines, " He said, gesturing between them as his voice wavered.

The weight of his words settled sourly over her like a suffocating blanket. The connection she thought they had the fire thatbonce burned so brightly was now a source of great pain. Every touch and every glance a reminder of what could have been but never would be.

"So what now?" She solemnly whispered, fully knowing the answer as she was barely holding back the sobs building in her chest. Watching her glumly expression, Leonard stepped closer, his hand reaching out to gently cup her face, and slowly, his thumb brushed away a tear frobher cheek. Emilia so greedily leaned into his touch, savouring the tenderness. How stupid of her to assume that things could be different-that they could find a way around it. Any way to make it work, but as she opened her eyes, reality came crashing back like a tornado. Leonard was right . Continuing doing this could cause severe consequences with the risks too high.

She pulled away with a heavy heart and instantly feelingbthe loss of his warmth and made her feel like she had been plunged into ice. "Okay. I-I will try..we can get back to how things were. Before all this." Even the words felt sour coming out of her mouth. Leonard nodded

"That's what we can do,"

Emilia snorted again, feeling drained and exhausted. As she turned to leave the room, her soul ached with a pain so deep it left her breathless. With every step she hoped, he would suddenly change his mind and embrace her, but that never happened. She had been so close - so close to having him, but now it felt as if he were slipping away further than he had ever been. And the thought of having him near yet so far-was almost too much to bear.

When she reached her room and closed the door behind her, she leaned against it, letting out a shuddering breath. Storms of emotion inside her were difficult to calm. It was going to be so damn hard pretending nothing has happened. How could she pretend she didn't want him? But anyways, she would do it if that's what he wanted. She would do whatever it takes to stay close to him and keep him in her life until she could make him see that what they had was worth fighting for.

So she had to play this game with precision and patience. Leonard was slipping through her grasp and none of that could happen on her watch, she wasn't ready to let him go especially now that she got a taste of how it really feels to be with him in that way. No, not within her control. She just needed to buy herself some time figuring out her next move and waiting for the right moment. Yes, and when that moment came, she would be so f*cking ready.