Hey, Mr. In Denial (LBGT)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Dale and I have parted ways. About his question, I have said to him that I would think about it. I have been through hell and back, and I deserve a break from the drama and shits. He said he understood, but he had this downcast look etched across his face that made me feel guilty. He said he was sorry, that he wanted to be together with me, that he wanted me to forgive him for what he had done to me, that he was so sorry about everything that he had done, yet I couldn't look at him in the eyes. Couldn't give what he wanted, what he was asking. Because deep down I knew – know – that the wound was – still is – fresh. We haven't seen much lately, and we only felt each other's presence when we're around school.

There are times that I'd look in his way, but then he would look away, as if he's not noticing me, and sometimes I catch him staring, watching me from afar; I admit, it makes my heart beat faster, and the fact that he's watching me, everything that I'm doing, I can't help but smile. I think it's sweet, but a part of me says that I shouldn't like this. I have basically declined his offer to be together with him. I know that he needs a lot of help that he can get about identifying who he really is. I guess what just scares me most is, what if he really means that he's gay and into men, would he still be attracted to me? Will he continue liking me? Will he start dating others just to experiment more? The thought of that scares me. I don't want to be used. I don't want to be used because it hurts. It really hurts.

If he's just experimenting, wanting to know his real sexuality, then I'm not the right person he can ask. I like him so much, and I don't want to be turned off of him just because he wants to use me for his own benefit.

Looking at the pair of simple white button-up shirt, with smudges of blood everywhere, in my hands, I decide whether it's worth going to the Halloween party. Dale will be there, and I'm sure that if I see him, I'll do something crazy and I'd be the laughing stock of the attendees. I eye the matching pants – jeans, torn and ripped apart, and it reveals a lot of skin, that I will wear and sigh out loud. I need to get this over with. So what if I see him there? If I make a fool of myself, then so be it.

"f**k this," I curse under my breath, standing up and deciding that I will attend the Halloween party. I know that Gloss, Derek, Dustin, Kaila and the others want me to be there, and by doing this I will make them happy. With that thought in mind, I strip my clothes off of me and step into the shower, hoping that the warm water that will cascade down me will clear my head.

The party is in full swing. People are with their best Halloween costumes, milling around, red cups in hands as they talk happily, while the others are dancing, with their partners and friends. My eyes quickly scan the area. I'm still outside, and just by looking from afar, watching the scene unfold in front of me, I immediately know that this party is not just a simple Halloween party. And no, it's not a Halloween party that the school conducts; it's a party set up by a junior named Hadley, who is part of the basketball team.

Lasers cut through the house, through the window, and it hovers me and I frown. There are people laying on the ground, happily staring at the dark sky with full of stars, scattered across the dark violet hue. I walk slowly, my eyes squinting, trying to catch a glimpse of my friends. Through the open doorway, I can see that the living room is crowded with people dancing, pressed together, as they jump to the beat of the music, which is blaring loudly.

Hadley's parents are rich, and that explains why he has no neighbors around. His parents have bought lots, but he doesn't have any idea what his parents are going to do with it. His house is a three-story modern house. On top of the house is a rooftop, with people casually hanging around and I catch a glimpse of Kaila. With her Poison Ivy from Batman costume, I know instantly that it's her.

I squeeze into the sea of people, pushing people aside and they give me either a glare or just an uninterested look. Some of the people greet me as I walk past by them, and I wave at them in acknowledgement. Mostly students of Sky International School are here, but there are others from a different school. The rival team of the basketball team of Sky International School is even here at this party.

An arm snakes around my waist and I let out a yelp. When I turn around, I see that Dustin is grinning up at me, his eyes, even though the room is dimly lit, twinkling with mischievousness and I pout at him, crossing my arms across my chest. I see that he's wearing just the same outfit as mine – white button up shirt, with smudges of blood on the side and more on the hem as well as on the neck. The only difference is our pants; he wears something tight, which makes me laugh, and he eyes what he wears and smirks at me, winking suggestively.

"Cool pants," I say, grinning up at him.

"Yeah, I hope you wish you had a taste of me," chirps Dustin and I cough out loud, turning around to hide my crimson red face. "What? Did I say something... wrong?"

"My pants are cooler though," I say to him, turning around once the embarrassment has died out of my face. He rolls his eyes at me and his arm snakes around my waist and I let him. He simply guides me into the center of the living room.

Though the music is pounding, an EDM song, Dustin gently sways me, his eyes never leaving mine and I feel myself sigh in relief and contentment. I wish I had been infatuated with Dustin in the first place rather than with Dale. It would be so much easier. I sway with him, my arms going around his shoulders and I let him lead the slow dance.

From the corner of my eyes, I see that Dale has suddenly emerged out of the sea of people, and his eyes are focused on us. His jaw clenches. I almost turn around, almost let go of Dustin, but he keeps me in place, his hands gripping my hips and I look at him. "Let him be jealous. This way he will know that he is really into you."

I nod at him, keeping myself in place and my eyes are going from time to time to Dale's face, who looks very annoyed, furious at what he's seeing. Gently I put my ear in Dustin's chest and shut my eyes, feeling and hearing the soft thud of his heart, making a rhythmic pattern and a smile plays on my lips. It's nice to hear someone's heart beating. I can feel Dale's eyes burning the side of my head. Let him be jealous. This way he will know that he is really into you.

Suddenly I'm being ripped out of Dustin's grasps. I open my eyes to look at Dale looking at me, fuming. From the corner of my eyes I see Dustin throws me and Dustin a smirk, but it disappears immediately as Dale turns to look at him. He displays an annoyed expression, steps back, and goes away without saying much anything to us.

Dale remains silent as he looks at me, eyes raking my body as if he's undressing me somehow, as if his eyes are some sort of an x-ray machine. My breathing becomes ragged as his hand gently rests at the small of my back and he guides me somewhere. Surprisingly I let him. We head into an isolated area, just at the back of the house. We slip in to the mass of people dancing, growling, fooling, making-out, and being crazy. The moment we reach the place, I notice that we are, indeed, the only persons here. All of the people are inside, partying as if this is their last party. Both Dale and I remain silent; neither of us speaks, and there's an uncomfortable silence looming over us.

Even though he's just wearing a simple outfit, just a really simple outfit – a black V-neck shirt, shorts, and crocs, he looks really good, looks very handsome, and his lips are inviting. He notices me staring and breaks the silence. "Have you thought of it?" he asks me, gulping inaudibly.

"What?" I ask him, pretending that I don't know what he's referring to even though I perfectly know what he's asking about.

"Would you like to be with me?" he asks exasperatedly, shoulders sagging down as if he's expecting me to reject and say no to him. His palms rest on my hips again and he pushes me closer to him. This time I can smell the perfume he wears, and it's different that the previous perfumes he has worn; what he's wearing right now is so heavenly, so perfect, mixed with his manly and natural scent. This is the time that I just want to bury my face in his chest, smell the hell out of him, and just continue doing it until I get suffocated. "Please answer me. I want to know if you're going to give me a chance to prove myself to you. Whatever your answer is, I'm prepared."

"Yes," I say without holding back myself. I stare at his eyes, and he's staring at me with so much emotion in his eyes that I have to step forward just so I can see how beautiful his eyes are. He opens his mouth, as if he's about to say something, but closes it again. "Yes, yes, yes." I say to him, smiling widely.

That's when Dale wraps his arms around me tight and leans down and captures my lips with his. Fireworks immediately burst inside of me, and I internally scream. Since the first and last kiss we shared, I have been wanting to feel his lips against mine, wanting to feel the softness of his lips, wanting to feel how his lips move with mine. It's definitely one of the best feelings ever. I could just kiss him all day and night and I would never ever complain and get tired of it.

His lips move with mine as softly as he would touch his piece of work, but the roughness of his hands is slowly killing me. The way his calloused hands touch the back of my back, the curves of my bodies, my chest and my shoulders and my neck, I know that I have lost it. I push myself closer to him, wanting to feel everything of him. His palm rests at the back of my neck; he presses his lips harder against mine and I moan out loud his name when he takes charge, kissing me vigorously as if we wouldn't be seeing each other, as if this would be our last kiss, as if we wouldn't be seeing each other again.

Dale pulls away, and the sudden loss of warmth of his lips against mine makes me groan out loud, disappointed and he chuckles while resting his forehead against mine. His eyes bore into mine and the fluttering of the butterflies in my stomach won't stop. He pecks me on the lips. "So this is real?" I nod. "Wow, I have a boyfriend now."

"Yes, you have a boyfriend now," I say, chuckling, "and it's me."

"Yeah, it's you. I'm glad it's you."