Hey, Mr. In Denial (LBGT)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"So do you have any plans this coming Thursday?" Dustin asks me as we take a seat on the grass, beneath the biggest tree at the perimeter of the school. Derek is with the others, and it turns out that Dustin likes to sit here whenever he's on a lunch. I have this feeling that I'm going to be seating here often with him.

Raking my brain if I have anything to do this Thursday, I find nothing. Aunt Delilah and my cousins are there at the house, but we're not really planning anything. I mean, at least not until Saturday. I believe that we're going somewhere, and I doubt that I'm going to join them. "No, I don't."

Everybody has been asking if I have plans this Thursday, and I don't really understand what's important this Thursday. I mean, Thursday is not really a holiday, so if someone could just enlighten me what's so good about Thursday. "That's great," he says as he takes a bite of his fresh apple that he has gotten from the cafeteria. "There's a concert there. Not big, but I've got tickets. Perhaps we could go there and see it for ourselves."

Concert, huh. I think it would be best if I join him. Since I'm not really going to do anything about that day but only to wake up early and go to school, I think it would be fun. So without having to think about it for a second time, I grin up at him, and in return, he smiles widely at me. "Okay, you've got yourself a company."

Grinning up at him, I fish out my cellphone. I forgot to save his number on my phone, so I'm going to do it now so I won't forget about it. Pulling out the message that he has sent me earlier, I save his number and once done, I put it the phone in silent and put it back inside my pocket, not really wanting anyone to call me and to ruin this day.

The sun is setting up high in the sky, burning brightly. But despite the warmth that the sun is giving, I already feel the October windiness. It feels so good under my skin, cooling my body. The rustle of the trees and leaves is a music to my ears as I shut my eyes. This is probably the only time I've been relaxed. Dustin leans down and rests his head on my shoulder, sighing in contentment as he takes a bite of his apple. I open my left eye only to find him flashing his white teeth on me and I chuckle, shaking my head.

Melody's words replay inside my head. She said that she was able to chat him up on Grindr, which means he's gay. I don't really know whether my cousin is talking bullshit or not, but there's only one way to find out: ask him if he's really gay or not. But the words are stuck in my throat, not really coming out. I don't know if I'm shy to ask him or it's just that it's not really my business, but I have a huge feeling that it's the former that causes the uncertainty. There's a feeling inside my chest that consumes me, not letting me speak. Perhaps I'm scared. I really don't know.

The confusion grows inside me, and I open my eyes to look at the boy who's resting his head on my shoulder. We just met today yet it feels like we've known each other. Isn't that something?

Dustin's eyes are softly shut, and his pinkish lips in a pucker as his chest heaves up and down. "I've got a feeling that you want to ask me something?" he asks, opening his eyes and letting me see those pale blue eyes of his, which is so beautiful by the way. "You've been staring at me. I feel it."

My cheeks redden, and by the time he chuckles, I swear my face looks like a tomato. The fact that his eyes were closed, and he felt that I was looking at him, it makes me more embarrass. It's not that this thing happens every day. I feel like he's got powers or something. Not really answering not shaking my head, I let his words fade into the air as we stare at each other. He shrugs, putting his head back on my shoulder and making himself comfortable.

Deciding to just ask him whether he's gay or not, I muster up a courage, taking a sharp intake of breath as the question runs into my head for a couple of times before forming into words that will escape my lips. "Are you gay?" I ask meekly, and by the time those words escape my mouth, I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. It's not really my business if he's gay or not, but it would be a good thing if I know his sexuality.

Dustin just looks at me, hoisting himself up, not breaking the eye contact. I feel my heart race faster and curse at myself for being a nosy bastard. Perhaps he's not really gay and I just assumed that he was. That's what's wrong about me. I always assume, and it's not really a good quality of mine. "Yes," he responds simply, resting his head back again on my shoulder. I sigh in relief, letting go of the breath I haven't realized I've been holding. "I mean, I just realized. I was experimenting, but not really the s****l stuff. I was just... looking at men and I find them attractive."

So he just realized and experimented. Not asking anymore question, I let him rest his head on my shoulder, neither of us speaking as we take in the scene in front of us. There are students who are roaming around the school, their books in their hands as they walk. Most of the people here are only chatting up, and the others are just resting just like us.

It's a good thing that my next class is a Business class, and we're not really going to do anything most of the time. The professor will just discuss the fundamentals in business for a while and then poof, we can do anything we want. The teacher there is Mrs. Tongocan, and she's probably the nicest teacher ever.

"Shall we go back?" I ask him, lifting my arm to see my watch. Dustin just shakes his head, and I perch my back on the tree again and we just sit there, doing nothing but enjoying the view in front of us. "If you don't mind me asking; who do you want to become?" The question just rolls off my tongue like a ball made of cotton, and I bite my tongue to prevent myself from throwing another question, especially there's a curiosity building inside me.

"I want to become a traveler," he says, a smile gracing his lips as he trains his eyes at me. Those pale blue eyes of his, as he stares at me, I feel like he can see the real me, my soul, and I feel like I'm vulnerable when he's around. "I want to see the beauty of the world. I want to go at every country. I want to have a Gypsy life."

Traveling sounds fun, and it's something that I think I should do. I mean, you get to see beautiful places around the world for free, and you only have to pay for the flight, food, and souvenirs. I like to keep souvenirs. It makes the experience more special. "If ask if I could go with you, would you let me?"

"Of course," he says immediately, grinning at me. "It would be a shame if I just travel alone and enjoy the beauty by myself only."

The bell rings, signaling that our free time is now ever. We both stand up, him shrugging the dirt all over his back since he laid on the grass. I just dust off my booty. We head inside the school, going into our respective classes and we part ways, telling each other that we'd see each other soon. It's nice to have him around. I better thank my cousin later for being such a b***h. Her being a b***h sometimes is actually a good thing. Sometimes.

Taking a left turn, the bell still ringing, this time loudly in my ears, the phone vibrates in my pocket and I immediately pull it out. Upon checking my phone, I see that it's a notification from f******k so I hastily unlock my phone, attempting three times before it unlocks, and open the f******k application. I see that someone has added me, and when I check, Dustin Frazetto's face greets me.

I open his profile, enlarging his profile picture and I see how cute and adorable he is. His profile picture is him half-naked, and his chin is underneath his chin, his index finger few inches away from his pinkish lips. His tattoo is showing, and he has his one eye shut while the other one is open. In every angle, Dustin Frazetto is hot as hell, and no one could disagree with that.

Accepting his friend request as fast as it appeared as a notification on my phone, I lock my phone back and put it inside my pocket, the grin in my face couldn't get any wider than it is. When I reach the classroom, everyone is seated already on their respective seats, and my eyes meet Dale's. He waves his arm at me, and my brows slightly furrowed. Walking up to my respective seat, I put my bag down and take a seat, ignoring Dale. Maybe he's not really waving at me. He could be waving at someone else, and I would hate myself if I assume again.

Melody is sitting on a couch, watching the Scream Queens Season 2 and I take a seat beside her. Her hand is diving into a bag of Cheetos, Jalapeno flavor, and I scowl at her. Ever since she came here, she's been eating carbs and not-so-healthy foods, just like this junk food she's eating.

When I try to get some, she scowls at me and hits the back of my arm and I flinch, my frown growing as I stare at her. She continues to watch Scream Queens wherein Chanel #3 is being stabbed by the Green Slime-y Serial Killer while Hester is just watching.

"I just want to say thank you earlier," I say to her out of the blue, which stops her from eating Cheetos. She turns her head at me, and a slow grin comes into her lips and I roll my eyes at her. "Clearly being a nosy bastard you are, it does benefit someone sometimes."

She hits me playfully on my arm. "Hey, don't be such a meanie." She says, her eyes training back at the television to see what's going on with the show. "I only did that because I saw him throwing you the looks, and I just knew that he's kind of interested on you. Well, scratch that, he's interested on you."

"He is?"

"Yes," she says. Melody ties her hair in a messy bun, making herself look like a pineapple as she turns herself to me, fully facing me. She grabs both of my hands and I stare at her weirdly, my eyes looking anywhere around the room to see if anyone's watching us even though I know that everyone's in the house is gone except for us. Good thing Brody is with Aunt Delilah and my mother so she and I are stuck in the house. It looks like we're going to do something ritual by the way she grips my hands. "This is for you, cousin. I think it's best for you to have a hot boyfriend who will cherish you forever."

My cousin makes a kissy gestures and I make a face at her, taking my hand away from her grip and lightly slapping her on her cheek. She pouts at me in return.

"You really are mean,"

"f**k off, Melody." I say to her, chuckling while shaking my head. "First of all, if he's really interested on me, he'd –"

"Beau, listen to me," and my holy of a cousin comes in. She puts her hands on top of my hands and I look at her weirdly, arching my brows at her. She rolls her eyes at me, but then gives my hands a squeeze. "It's your time, like, to have this moment. I mean, I think he's a pretty good guy, and very hot, too. So it's a win-win situation. You could date him, he could date you. He's single. I know. You're single. Obviously. So I don't see nothing wrong with that."

Melody knows the supposed first date I had, and she was also by my side when she comforted me and I couldn't thank her enough. I assumed that the guy was interested at me, and when I landed on the ground, I fell hard. I don't know why she's giving me this talk. I mean, I know I'm attracted to Dustin, but my infatuation will always be with Dale.

They are different. Dale is friendly, and everyone is trying to get into his pants whereas Dustin, as I've seen, likes to keep it simple. He likes to be alone always though I doubt that he feels lonely. Dustin just likes to keep everything to himself, and I guess that's the way he is. And it's not really a problem to me. There are things I hide only for myself, and I doubt that I'll expose them to my family and friends.

"What's this all about?" I ask her, getting my hands and crossing them across my chest, arching a brow at her. "I'm okay. There's no point to bring that memory up; I'm so over it. I have moved on. And... I was just going to say that if he's interested on me, he'd make a move soon, right?"

My cousin nods, her curls bouncing up and down with her. "Yes, yes, yes."

Before she can protest, I dive my hand into the bag of Cheetos and grab a handful and that makes my cousin frown, shoving me back and I laugh, pushing her off. When we take a look at the television, both Denise Hemphill and Chanel #5, who is screaming for help, are both lying on the ground.

Melody gives me the side-eye, slightly annoyed that she misses some parts and I chuckle, rolling my eyes playfully at her.

Deciding to go upstairs, I leave my cousin alone in the living room as I take two steps across the stair, wanting to get into my room as soon as possible. Once I get into my room, I shut the door behind me and it lands with a loud thud that makes me cringe. I sprawl on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I always do, and I grin to myself.

There's nothing really happened on Wednesday, and I'm currently preparing myself for today.

Today is Thursday, which means that Dustin and I are going to a concern in a theme park. I admit, I'm kind of scared that he's never going to show up. But there's this thought at the back of my head, glowing in neon lights, that Dustin and I share the same school. He knows my number and I'm friends with him on f******k, so there's no way that he's not going to show up. Unlike before, I didn't even see the picture of my date and what's worse is, I believed that we were going on a date. I waited like a fool.

It's already six o'clock in the evening, and what I'm wearing is a dark grey shirt, matching it with black pants and a black Vans. Earlier, I was contemplating if I was going to wear a black jacket over my grey shirt, but decided against it. I like to feel the cool air against my skin, so wearing just a simple thin grey shirt and a thin fabric of black pants to let the wind seep through it are enough for me.

The doorbell rings, indicating that Dustin is already at the front porch of the house and I scurry my way downstairs, taking two steps behind across the stairs. Brody looks at me weirdly, his fingers coated with the powder of the Cheetos, while her big sister, the most lovable cousin of mine (by the way, I'm being sarcastic), Melody is looking at me with twinkling eyes.

Ignoring her look, I open the door with so much haste and there he is, Dustin Frazetto is standing in front of me. His dirty blonde hair is brushed up backwards, slicked and gelled up. His eyes are more beautiful in the evening, and he basically glows in my eyesight. He's wearing a black jacket over a plain white tank top with a statement: Let's rock and roll!

His style is simple yet it looks very elegant and fancy to me. He can pull anything, even a rugged and torn clothes, it would still look good on him. Taking a look over his shoulder, his truck is parked just in front of my house and I grin up to him, getting giddy all of a sudden.

"Have fun on your date," Melody simply says, studying her pink-painted nails, pretending that she hasn't said anything at all. I glare at her. She begins to pullout her cellphone inside her pocket, pretending (and it's so obvious that she's pretending!) to type rapidly on her phone.

This is not a date. This is not a date. This is not a date. I chant that statement inside my head, replaying again and again. "Well, we'll do!" Dustin chirps, looking over my cousin and throwing me a wink. I flush, avoiding his eyes and I hear him chuckling.

My date for tonight (this is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date) puts his hand at the small of my back, guiding me to his truck. The gesture is sweet and caring, and I'm trying my best not to blush like a mad man, but taking a look at the side-mirror of his truck, my cheeks are already reddening, as well as my ears and neck. Despite that it's already evening, it's still obvious that I'm blushing hard, and I hate myself for it.

"HAVE FUN ON YOUR DATE!" My cousin shouts after us as I get into the passenger seat. I just want to climb out of Dustin's truck, run after my evil of a cousin, and destroy her life by ripping off her precious v****a and feeding it to the crocodiles. "PLEASE USE PROTECTION IF YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE s*x!"

The temptation is strong, and it's there, at the very front of my core. The temptation to rip her hair out of her scalp and to throw her into the ocean filled with sharks is so strong. I want to give Melody the bird, but I'm with Dustin, and somehow, somewhat, I want him to think of me as a very good guy. Throwing an awkward look at Dustin, I see his shoulders are shaking as he tries to conceal his laughter, and I hit him on his shoulder rather harshly, which makes him flinch his eyes.

"She's evil," I mutter under my breath as Dustin turns on the radio.

He only chuckles, shaking his head as he grabs the clutch of his truck and accelerates the truck. The drive to the theme park isn't really long, but it gives us a time to listen to two to three songs as we head into the theme park's direction. I hope that I won't meet Dale there. Meeting him in that place, him together with Lilith and the others, would make me awkward. I just don't know why, but I have that feeling. There's nothing really to be awkward about. I mean, I declined their invitation because I was supposed to spend time with my cousins and Aunt Delilah, which means... s**t.

They will think I'm lying to them if they see me there at the theme park.

I wasn't really lying when I declined their invitation, but it's half the truth. I mean, I think was planning on spending time with my cousin and Brody, but the plan was ruined already. Sighing out loud, Dustin looks at me worriedly, his eyes merely meeting mine before focusing back on the road. He never says anything, though, and it's better. I don't really want to spill anything on him. If they see me there, then so be it, I could just say that my bonding time with Melody and Brody has ended.

Ten minutes after, the theme park comes into view and there's a lot of people roaming around the place. There are chitchats here and there, and they are very loud. Scanning the area as Dustin parks on the parking lot just near the entrance of the theme park, I see most of the people here are teenagers, who are about 17-19 years old. He climbs out of the truck, running over the side and opening the door for me. I thank him, rolling my eyes playfully when I see him bending his knees just a bit and stretching his arm out at me, offering his hand. I gladly take his hand, and jump out of the truck and together we strut towards the entrance of the theme park.

Dustin pays for our entrance fee, even though I'm capable of buying a ticket for myself. His reason is, he's the one who invited me here so he's the one who needs to pay. Wanting to put up a fight about it, I tell him that the next time that we're going to buy something, I'll pay next, and he immediately agrees with that. We walk, going into the direction where the concert is going to be held. It's actually a band called Merry-Go-Round. Though their band name sucks, I have heard from someone that they sing very well.

Fishing the tickets out of his pocket as the guards wait for the tickets to be handed to them, the people are already seated and I'm surprised to see that there are a lot of people wanting to see this concert, even though it's small. They must be really good.

Once the tickets have been handed, the guards let us in and we find a seat on the left side just near the stage where the Merry-Go-Round band is going to perform. We wait for a few minutes, and in the background, we hear someone shout at the top of her lungs as the rollercoaster goes downhill. Dustin and I share a look, and we both laugh, shaking our heads. The staffs begin to setup the stage, preparing the mic, the drums, and the guitars.

Someone taps my shoulder, and when I turn around, I see my best friend Derek with his arms crossed across his chest, staring at me suspiciously. He eyes the man beside me, which is Dustin, and so far Dustin hasn't noticed that my friends are here as well. I give him an awkward look, and I see that he's with the squad. Dale has his arm around Lilith, and I ignore them, though I'm trying my best. They are looking at me, and I give them a piece sign. Dale is looking at me, his eyes meeting mine and I immediately turn around, sighing in relief once the members of the band start to group in front on the stage.

"That guy is hot," I hear Lilith's voice telling Derek. He's my best friend, so I know that he's agreeing with her. The guy in front, who I assume is the lead singer of the band, has a black spike-y hair, and compared to me, he's a bit skinny and is wearing black attire. Typical clothes for a person who's in a band.

Dale scoffs and I can practically see his eyes rolling. "I'm hotter than him, though."

"Sure you are," Lilith responds and I block their conversation out, focusing on the band who's going to play for us. I'm here to enjoy, not to ruin my day.

They are not kidding. The band is really good. They do some covers of Ed Sheeran and other singers, and their voices are heaven. I enjoyed listening to them, and I enjoy being with Dustin. After the concert, since we're at the theme park already, we decide to spend the rest of the night enjoying here. The theme park will not close until 12 midnight, and it's still 7 o'clock in the evening. I don't care if we have classes tomorrow. I don't care if I'm going to school, looking like I've been wasted all night. All I want to do is spend the night with Dustin.

Dustin grabs my wrist and leads me to a carousel, and I look at him weirdly. Far behind us is the squad. Looking over my shoulder, I see Dale's eyes are trained on me, but I pretend to not see him and turn my head around, focusing on the handsome creature behind me. His eyes could be looking at anywhere but me, so there's no need to assume.

"Having fun so far?" he asks, winking at me and I let out a chuckle.

Nodding my head, I punch his shoulder lightly. "Yes, and riding this carousel attraction will make my night more perfect." I chortle, grinning at him. He smiles at me, flashing those pearly white teeth of his and I momentarily freeze, bedazzled at how handsome he really looks.

Okay, stop looking at him like he's a piece of meat, Beau St. Clair, I scold myself, getting myself out of the trance I've been seeing inside my head. Get a hold of yourself, I hear someone says at the back of my head and I internally agree with the voice. I don't want him to think I'm a creep.

"I don't know why we're going to ride on this carousel," the voice, who belongs to my best friend, says. When I take a look over my shoulder, the squad is already behind me. Gloss waves at me and I wave back, my brows furrowing. "Hey, is this the date of yours?" Derek taps Dustin's shoulder and Dustin turns around, his brows furrowed as his confusion dawns on his face. "Hi, I'm Derek, best friend of Beau. May I know your name please?"

Derek is looking at Dustin like a piece of meat obviously, and I snap my fingers at his face, not wanting to ogle my date (this is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date) so obvious in front of me. "My name's Dustin," Dustin responds, offering his hand to Derek and Derek grabs his hand, shaking it. It takes a couple of seconds, which I think it's pretty getting longer, before I pat Derek's hand so he can let go of Dustin's hand. My best friend glares at me while Dustin just looks at him awkwardly.

He's looking at me. Dale is looking at me with curious eyes, and his arm is no longer around Lilith's shoulder. The world seems to fade as our eyes meet, and the beat of my heart becomes erratic, pounding hard against my ribcage. The scream, the chitchats, the shrieks of people in a thrilling ride, they all become a faint sound as the beat of my heart rings in my ears loudly. His eyes send shiver down my spine, racing down like a car in a drag racing competition.

I realize that Dustin is talking to me, his face in front of mine and I take a step back, smiling awkwardly up at him. Dale is still looking at me, so once again, I try my best to ignore his looks, which is burning the back of my head. Once the carousel stops rotating, indicating that a session has ended, the staff lets us in and the squad.

Dustin is grinning at me, his eyes full of happiness as he swiftly swings his leg across the horse's back, lifting himself up and riding on the horse. "Lame, but it's cool."

"Lame but cool," I agree with him, nodding my head and chuckling along with him.

He takes a couple of pictures of us on the carousel ride. Some are wacky shots, and some are just us with smiley faces. While we're on a ride, Dustin keeps singing at the top of his lungs, making me laugh out loud. For a three minutes ride, we have taken a lot of pictures, probably from forty to fifty pictures, on his cellphone.

We go to each ride, making sure to ride all the attractions at the theme park, and despite me telling that the thrill feeling has been gone already, it feels like it's coming back again, and I can't help but be excited when we decide to ride the rollercoaster.

Perhaps it's because I've been going alone in a theme park alone, that's why the adrenaline rush wasn't there, but it's different now. I'm with Dustin, and somehow, he makes my night perfect. We fall in line, getting excited about the rollercoaster ride. And I swear I keep sensing his presence. Whenever we go, they are there, and I feel his eyes always on me.

I keep telling myself that this is just a small theme park, and the chances of him being around us always is pretty high, but there's this thing inside of me that tells me that this isn't a coincidence. It's much more than that. But I refuse to believe myself.

What matters most is how happy I am.

Perhaps Dustin is the one for me and the one that could take my infatuation away from Dale.

And somehow I believe that he really is the one.