K I E R O N

Chapter |14| Lost

K I E R O N ' S P. O. V

It's the flood of freezing water into my lungs that causes me to panic. The cold rush of suffocation that's inescapable in being submerged so deep.

I can swim. I know that but for some reason my legs become paralysed, my body frozen as the water ices my veins, stilling the warm blood from reaching where I need it most.

Voices echo through the silence. Just managing to break through the void.

"Kieron! Kieron!" I try to respond.

Fucking mistake.

More water enters my body, drowning me from the inside out. I think this is how I die.

Frozen, numb and alone.

It was always the inevitable before, being alone to die, because I was too much of an asshole to let anyone in.

Memories seize my pain, offering a moments peace from knowing death.

They're consumed with him. Jacob.

Meeting him at that bar for the first time, the first graze of our lips that taught me something about myself I had never known before.

I'm capable of love.

It was so hard to accept at first that I let him go, I fought the emotions that only ever appeared when thoughts of him invaded my mind.

He persuaded me despite all my asshole tendencies, he gave me a chance and once I took it, I never looked back.

There were moments of doubt of course, in which I reckoned with the insecurities of never being good enough.

But he always managed to prove me wrong, make me feel otherwise.

I feel the ice c***k a little, melting because just the thoughts of him are enough to warm my blood.

Then another image comes to mine.

Walking hand in hand, the other hand so much smaller in mine that I'm afraid to break it. He clings on so tight, laughing as I lift him in the air and then his hold on me managed to break another icicle.

Suddenly I can feel my fingers, I can feel the cold that surrounds me.

Then he's being taken away, pulled away...something tears him apart from me and I'm left with overwhelming agony.

It's enough I force my eyes open.

Darkness mingled with rich blue invades my vision but then something drifts in front of me.

A bright unmistakable yellow that I clasp hard in my grasp. Turning it over, my heart seizes at the familiar hoodie, the same one Ripley wears almost everyday.

I try to scream his name but the coldness envelops me. I try to fight for him, for the boy I love with all my heart but something fails, something takes ahold of me and I feel myself slipping away, succumbing to complete darkness.

***

"Come on, you bastard. Come on." My chest hurts, being pounded again and again.

The violent urge to throw up is only stopped by complete exhaustion that fails my muscles entirely.

"Come on Kieron, don't give my wife another reason to hurt. Come on, one two three."

Air inflates my lungs, then pressure engulfs my body until adrenalines settles in.

"f**k," I groan, coughing so violently that tears leak from my eyes.

Water splurges out onto the floor, my head lolling to one side until I can't breathe anymore.

"Hey, take it easy." Aaron. I recognise his voice first and then he comes into view.

Well, a blurry vision of himself, I swear there's two of him when he helps settle my head back. "I've got an ambulance on its way. Just keep your eyes open, please."

Relief is evident in his voice, and though we've had our differences I'm glad it's my brother in law that's seeing me like this right now.

He understands what it's like to fear vulnerability.

"I'm glad to see you Aaron."

He gives me a weak smile, out of breath too, and I notice he's dripping wet just like me. "I thought you were...shit, you really scared me there or a second."

"I scared myself." I mutter, everything hurting as I attempt to speak again. "Rip. Where's Ripley?"

"He's okay, Kai got him out first. Ripley managed to go hang onto one of the beams when you guys were pushed. You hit your head, it looks like on the dock, so you went in already dazed."

"Is he hurt?" I try to push up to comfort him, his cries piercing the air as my hearing comes back fully.

"Just cold, but we got him out a lot quicker than you." Aaron pushes me back down. "You need to rest, it'll do good to exert yourself right now."

A shaky laugh rackets my lifeless body. "When did you become a doctor?"

"Just be glad I remember basic CPR from middle school."

The ambulance siren blares in the distance, gradually growing louder with ever second. "What's the story this time?"

"We were out on a leisurely stroll with Ripley and then you both tripped."

"Tripped? Huh...wait what happened too.." The rage that consumes me at just the very thought of those bastards who kidn*pped Ripley getting away is enough to cure to the hypothermia that is setting in.

"They've been dealt with. Tristan has them both in a van en route to the warehouse on James Street."

"I want to deal with it."

They f****d with my family, and Aaron knows that I've got precedence to kill them more than anything. "One step at a time, Kieron."

He steps back as the paramedics comes into view. I'm given an oxygen mask and transported into the ambulance, Ripley taken in the other and all I can think about is how happy we all were a few days ago.

Something sharps sinks into my neck, the liquid numbing my muscles, causing my eyelids to slowly shut.

***

"How long will that take?"

"Depending on his body temperature, hopefully a day or two maybe, yet it's hard to judge. He has a concussion so bed rest is the best thing for him right now."

I groan, stretching my sore muscles as light penetrates beneath my eyelids. It's enough to hurt my pupils, forcing them to recover to their normal state.

"Jacob," I don't know if I'm in heaven or not because he would always be my definition of an angel.

Right now he's wearing a white shirt, the light filtering in to create a halo around his beautiful face forming an almost ethereal picture.

Or maybe I just hit my head really f*****g hard.

"Hey," Dropping his head, his lips caress my cheek, their warmth spreading through my body.

In one arm, he cradles a sleeping Ripley, a tiny bruise forming near his eye. "What happened to him?" I try to sit up but the movement strains every muscle, forcing me to still.

"Don't move. It's okay, just give me a sec." Gently, he rests Ripley on the armchair in the corner.

I lament the distance, but know it's best for me to stay away. He's safer that way.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine." A wretched cough breaks from my chest. "Just a little cold."

"Well, you're body is still regulating your core temperature. Hopefully in a few hours you'll be feeling back to normal, but we're still looking to monitor you."

I didn't even notice the doctor lingering by the doorway. Nodding politely, I wait for him to leave, letting the door click shut behind him to talk.

"Have the police been?" They're required to question the individuals in 'accidents' like this.

A f*****g pain my ass is what it it.

"Kai and Kiara have been dealing with them. I saw what happened on the camera, f**k it was...it was the worst thing I've ever f*****g seen. I've never felt so powerless, unable to help either of you, just watch you drown."

"We're okay. I'm okay, and Ripley is..."

"He's okay too." Jacob reaches for my hand but I shift away.

I don't deserve his sympathy, his pity. I don't deserve to be absolved of guilt when it was my sins that got us into this mess in the first place.

"Kieron this wasn't your fault."

I scoff lightly, scratching at the IV connected to my hand.

"I really thought I was going to die. I was terrified, all that talk of heaven and hell, and I knew where I was ending up if it was all real. Yet then, I felt a strange sense of relief. It meant I wouldn't have to be consumed by this guilt anymore, that the both of you would safe without me and it would be the easier f*****g option by a mile."

"You think?" A bitter laugh comes out of him. "You might have been free but what about everyone that loves you. Ripley, who sees you as his father too, your parents that have already lost a child, your sister and brother that love you more than anything, your nieces and nephew, and then me. What about me? You're the love of my life Kieron, and yeah, maybe I would be forced to live on for Ripley, but I would never experience the kind of love that we share again."

Tears leak, burning as they blaze their way down my skin. "We can't deny how f****d up this is. Ripley was kidn*pped and you think we can both just move on. You are safer without me."

Jacob tears away from my gaze, breathing deeply whilst tears stream down his cheeks. I'm losing him, slipping away from our perfect relationship that seems so easy before.

There's not been much we've conflicted about, this seems like the end point. Maybe it's easier this way? For him to hate me indefinitely.

"You're really trying to do this. After everything, this is where you want it to end. Not after I ask you to marry me, not after we have more kids, not when we're 80 surrounded by our grandchildren. This is where you give up. Kieron we're not done with our story yet."

I think about the ring hidden in my dresser, stuffed beneath piles of clothing. The very ring I spent weeks picking out, the one I flew to Paris with my sister to purchase.

"Jacob-"

"No, we've said everything. We're not over, not now not...I'm going to take Ripley home, we have to pick up Scooter from the dog sitter and then when you're ready, call me. But you are not ending this now, not when you still have a f*****g concussion."

He doesn't look at me as he grabs his jacket, and rests Ripley gently over his shoulder. I catch a glimpse of his face, sleeping softly, chest moving with every breath, and I thank whatever entity is up there for ensuring he was safe.

Jacob stills in the door, hesitating before turning back. He lowers Ripley onto my chest, the sudden movement causing his eyelids to flutter open slightly.

"Hey little man, you feeling better." He nods softly, a huge yawn breaking through my chest before falling back to sleep.

My lips brush the softness of his cheek, memorising the contours of his face in case it really is the last time.

"Call me." Jacob leaves with that.

I know he's trying to save us but all he's doing is delaying the inevitable. How could a depraved soul like mine ever match up to the goodness in him?

I barely manage to wipe my face before Kiara and Kai comes in. Both of them look like hell, enough to rival me.

I'm grateful I have family like that, family that sees those I love as their own. They fought for Ripley as hard as they would fight for any other Romano.

"Jacob didn't look very happy." She muses, taking a seat on the bed. Her eyes fall on the tissue screwed up in my hand, and then move up to see the undeniable proof of sadness in my red eyes. "Don't tell me you broke that man's heart, Kieron."

"How do you know he didn't break mine?"

"Because he's utterly hopelessly in love with you. Despite everything, he was here, waiting until you woke up. I would have ran out of here, my kid in arms as fast as I could, but he stayed."

"Ripley could have died, Kiwi. If I lost him..."

She squeezes my hand. "Do you know why it hurts so much? Because you love that little boy, because he's your son too. That's why Jacob won't leave so easily, he's found a soulmate and a co parent in you."

"Kieron, why don't you think you deserve this?" Kai interjects. My little brother all grown up, and it's because of love. Emery changed him in the way nothing else could, and he's become a person to admire.

It also means he has the capability to see through all my bullshit.

"It's not that I think I don't deserve it."

"Really? Because right now you have a man who's still willing to fight for you and you're letting him slip away."

"For once, Kai's right." Kiara smiles. "You need to fix this because otherwise we're gonna have to put up with your miserable face for the rest of our lives, and you more than anyone, deserve to smile."

Kiara presses the phone into my hand. "Call him."

Fuck she's right. Kai's right - something I never thought I would say - I've found my family, found love in the form of two.

So now it's time to fight, fight with everything I have in me to fix what I've tried to break.

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A/N: This chapter broke my heart ?