Cheating On You

Vl

“Please, just answer me.” I’ve been calling him non-stop, but no one’s picking up. I already checked his place and his office, but he’s nowhere to be found. “Where am I supposed to find you?” Kenji’s so introverted there’s only a few places I know he might’ve gone. I tried calling again and again, but still nothing.

I made a U-turn and decided to just wait for him at our house. I pulled my car into the garage and headed back out right away, hiding so he wouldn’t see me first and try to duck out. I know Kenji inside and out. He hates confrontation, and that’s exactly what I can’t stand about him.

It was already 11 PM, and Elijah was calling too, but I ignored him. Let him worry I’ll deal with him tomorrow. The only thing that matters is fixing things with Kenji. I can’t lose him. I can’t bear to hurt him again.

It was 11:30 when I heard his car pull up. I slipped behind the gate so he wouldn’t spot me right away. Once his car was through, I stepped out. I saw the shock in his eyes, followed by a heavy sigh. I waited until he parked before walking over.

“Why are you here? You should be with your husband.” His words felt like he's squeezing my heart. He shut the car door and faced me.

“Kenji.” I could see the pain in his eyes. “Where have you been? Why weren’t you picking up my calls? I was so worried about you.”

He gave a sarcastic smile, but I could feel him holding back. “Really? I thought you forgot about me.” He started walking inside.

“Kenji,” I said, following him until we reached the couch. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry? Sorry?! F*ck, Adda. Sorry?!” It was the first time the very first time I’d ever heard him curse. I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore.

“I’m sorry, Kenji. I didn’t know you were there. I had no idea I’m so sorry.” I reached out to touch his arm.

“You’re sorry ‘cause I saw. You’re sorry ‘cause you got caught.” His voice was cracking, and I could see every bit of pain I’d caused him, how I was slowly shattering the man I love. “Six years, Adda. Six years. I thought it was just an arranged marriage? I thought it was all just an act? So does the act go all the way to the bedroom too? Damn it! Don’t pretend like you didn’t want it too!”

Tears streamed down my face. I was furious at his words I wanted to slap him. But was he wrong? It was true, wasn’t it? I’d given myself to someone else, even after everything I’d promised him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“No, it’s my fault. I’m so, so sorry, love. I have no good excuse for you it’s just that…”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it right now. Just go back to your husband and let me get some rest.” He left me in the living room and headed straight for the guest room. It was like he couldn’t even stand the sight of me.

I stood there for minutes, just crying. But I knew no amount of regret would change what happened. I betrayed him. Kenji did nothing but love me and take care of me. I never, ever thought I’d be the one to put him through something like this. All I felt was guilt and anger-anger at myself.

I wiped my tears and sat in the living room. I’m not leaving until we fix this. I know I sound selfish, but I don’t care anymore. I hugged the pillow, trying to figure out what I could do to make Kenji forgive me.

I woke up to the sound of a car pulling away. When I looked outside, it was already morning. I saw Kenji’s car heading out the gate. I rushed out to chase him, barefoot, running from the house all the way to the gate but I was too late. I felt completely hopeless.

Does he really not want to talk to me anymore? Is he disgusted by me?

I walked back inside, fighting back tears. Our cat Nala came to greet me. I picked her up right away, and she nuzzled my cheek like she knew something was wrong. “Nala, is Daddy taking care of you? I’m sorry Mommy’s always gone, okay? Make sure you eat, and keep cuddling Daddy, he’s going through a lot right now.” Nala meowed, like she understood every word.

I went back to the living room for my things and saw a blanket and pillow set out for me, it must’ve been him. Even when he’s hurting, he still can’t bear to leave me hanging. I wiped away the tears that were already falling and opened the note on the table.

“Please give me space. I can’t talk to you yet. My head is still too much of a mess.”

I sighed and wrote back on a piece of paper: “I’ll wait ‘til you’re ready. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be here. I love you.”

I locked up the house and drove off. Now I had to go back to my husband. What kind of life is this, anyway?

It was 10 AM, so I figured he’d already left. When I pulled into the gate, I left the car out front and asked Manong to park it in the garage, I was too tired. I went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. Thank God the house was quiet. I sat on the bed, staring blankly as I let my hair dry.

“Where the hell have you been?” His voice was so deep it made me shiver.

“W-why are you still here?”

“I said, where the hell were you?!” I swallowed hard, my heart racing. His anger was evident, not the kind that comes from worry, but the kind that makes you think he might hurt you.

“W-why does it matter?!” I yelled back.

“I’ve been calling you all night. I looked everywhere for you, Adda – every bar in Pampanga, I even went all the way to Clark!” He stepped closer, still shouting. “If you’d just use your damn head, you could’ve at least told me where you were! I didn’t even know if you were alive or off fooling around with someone!”

I slapped him hard across the face. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that.” My voice was soft but sharp. “What are you so mad about, anyway? What’s it to you? Were you worried ‘cause you had no one to play with last night? Did you look for me ‘cause you wanted to use me again?!”