Love not Lost

Chapter three

“But why don’t you want an attachment with your husband? Is it that you don’t love him anymore” the therapist asked;

“No, I love him still” I swallowed hard and darted to look at Michael, to find the color blanched from his face, his eyes and hair standing out in sharp contrast to his paleness. Did he think I was going to agree that I do not love him?

“How can I not love him no more? He is my first love and my forever soul mate everything about him has been wonderful for the past five years. I do not imagine myself in the arms of another, nobody can ever treat me better than he does.

“So what is the genesis of all the problems Mrs Macaulay”? She said leaning back on her pink velvet seat

“ I think it all started when Michael went on a business trip for four months. We talked every day but it was very quick and brief because he said he was busy a lot because I work from home I was very lonely. Our only friend does not stay in the same city with us, so there was practically no one to talk to”

“I had to think about my life most of the time and wallow in self-pity has never been pregnant and have had two failed IVFs which cost us almost all of our savings” I continued

“I had imagined the kind of fun he was having were he his or maybe he was with another woman maybe am not good enough anymore”

“All this while that have been moody have just been waiting for a baby mama to walk through the door to claim what mine because of my inability to give him a child”

I paused watching him lower his head in his palms and waited until he finally lifted his head. As if I was waiting for him to say something but he didn't utter a word

“But have checked his phone, no hidden calls and he still comes back as early as before”

“I still try to get mad at him for not even being mad that we don’t have a child yet. Most time I feel like he is too good to be true”

“Honestly he is still as loving and caring as before, nothing has even changed about him. Sometimes I feel like am not good enough”

A few tears ran down my cheek and

Micheal passed me the wipe that was beside him while he squeezed my hands gently and drew me closer for a tight hug. I buried my head into his chest, soaking in the smell of his body, and then I realized he was wearing the t-shirt that I bought for him. Have missed him greatly, it is super exhausting to live in my head.

“Everything is gonna be alright my love, you are everything have ever wanted,” he said softly, rubbing my head “I can never place anything or anyone above you, you are my life please don’t cry”

“Okay” I muttered gazing intently into his eyes, his color was returning, and doesn't look like he was possibly going to burst into tears soon.

The therapist allowed us to have a few minutes together, beaming

”Mrs. Macaulay it is very clear that you were depressed when your husband was not around due to not having people around you and you’ve wallowed in self-pity and were having negative thoughts”

“This kind of thing could destroy your marriage, whenever you have things disturbing it is better to talk to your partner about it”

“Communication is very important in all relationships to work, once you pile up things in your mind it leads to destruction,” she said stressing her last word

“And Mr Macaulay you should do more listening to your wife, when she doesn’t want anything to get out to another person’s ear do not allow it to get out. The third party is not healthy in a marriage, they could mar or make our marriage, but it has a high tendency to harm. Do not give people the opportunity to rule your marriage, be the man and be in charge”

We both listen to her in each other's arms. Michael nods his head mostly.

“you two are an incredible couple but you just have to be more open and listen to one another every single time”

“Lastly the issue of fertility. I know it is worrisome and quite depressing not to be able to get something that you yearn for. There are a variety of factors that can cause infertility, including age, hormone imbalances, and certain medical conditions. Sometimes, there may be no clear cause for it, which can make it even more frustrating. It's important to remember that there are many ways to build a family, even if you can't conceive a child naturally. Adoption foster care and even adoption. You should talk to a professional” She licked her bottom lips, put down her spectacle on her lap

“What will be will be, “she continued” there is reason for every frailty. Your heart desires will unexpectedly come to you”

she said with a broad smile on her face “Just believe” She put down the pen and book on the mini velvet stool beside her

“Thank you, doctor,” I said raising my head from Michael's shoulder. “Can I hug you you?”

“yes my dear” she answered softly, standing up from her seat with open arms. I hastily left Micheal’s side to her, I need all the love that I can get.

“It alright sweetheart,” she said holding my hands

“Thank you” We both went back to our seats. Michael had a smile on his face he was brighter now than earlier. It gladdens my heart to see a smile on his face. He held my hand as his life depended on it.

“With just a few sessions you guys will be back on track, that's one thing that I know for sure”

I’d felt a lot better with just a few minutes of opening up and when he held me in his arms I knew everything was going to be alright. Isolating myself from him, was physically and emotionally exhausting.