What if You had the most Terrifying Animal Ability

Death or Mate

s****l Suicidal Spiders.

I can see this end in two very different ways. Either we stay celibate for the rest of our lives until we’re too limp by the time of retirement, or the suicide rate increases.

This is an Australian Redback Spider.

A big, fat apple bottom. Now that’s something to die for!

One thing you must understand about these spiders is that the males are very, very competitive. But also unlucky. You see, their main purpose in life is to produce more life.

And at first, they are very hesitant. They arrive at the female’s web, anxious about mating, as they watch six other cucks circle around the female, all wanting their piece of action.

And if he’s alone, he’ll start getting very excited. He’ll do a courtship dance, going around and about the web as he taps it with his foot like a Dutch tapdancer.

He’ll get all protective, wrapping strands of web into a ball to block off her pheromones from other males. And then they’ll start doing it.

See, he doesn’t want to end his life, and with the stamina of a Kenyan marathon runner, keeps at it for two to three hours.

But then… it’s time. Right about when he’s done with his business, he knows he’s only got a few weeks left to live. He won’t make it alive to another female’s nest without death, and so he gives up his life.

The female spider starts devouring him up like corn on a cob, biting her jaws into him and eventually eating up his entire being.

Now imagine this on humans.

A male cuck with terminal cancer has got two weeks to live. He goes, “Screw it! I’m going all out!”

And so he decides to make his way to the house of a chick he likes. The door’s unlocked. He goes upstairs as he hears thumping, and opens the master bedroom.

Over there, he’s blessed with the sight of six naked men bouncing around the woman’s bed in a circular motion, just as she lays in the middle. They’re chanting something.

Ring‐a‐Ring o' Roses, a pocketful of p*****s.

He then rolls up her bedsheets and lays them atop her, fending off fellow cucks from his girl. They put on their clothes and dash out the house. The woman giggles, bites her bottom lip, and hints at him to come.

…After three hours, he does. But, oh well. Cucks are hiding in the bushes, and so he cannot make it around the neighborhood looking for other woman to go at.

He decides that this is the end of his life. This time, the woman comes onto him, sticks her teeth into his neck. And eats him for dinner.

Remember what I said about how I saw this ended?

Scratch that. I can see this end in many ways if this was a human ability.

·        In a few years’ time, fifth wave feminism would have arisen and eventually become a tsunami into itself.

·        Prostitutes would make more money than they could know what to do with.

·        Suicide rates may or may not increase.

·        All men are cucks that would be diagnosed with terminal cancer, giving them only a few weeks to live by the time they hit puberty.

·        World hunger wouldn’t be a problem, but obesity would be a pandemic.

·        Population distribution would be far better, and we’d stop reproducing at a marginal rate.

·        Romeo and Juliet would be shorter, and only one party would have died.

Sexual suicide is pretty much going out with a “bang” — much like a Glock and a big fat nut.

And you know what? I don’t know how I feel about this.