What if You had the most Terrifying Animal Ability

Horrible Love

I’m going to completely imitate Sean Kernan’s answer to one up.

You go home with a beautiful woman. You are in the sheets, making out … yadda yadda. You are happy in your super-manly manliness and so is she. You start to provide oral pleasure and she moans happily.

Then for some horrible basic instinct, you decide to bite her. Like hard. Hard enough that your teeth sink in. Very horrible for the female! But wait, it is going to get much much worse for you.

Because of your stupid instincts, somehow your mouth has become permanently attached to her body like a scene out of The Human Centipede in reverse. We are going to forget about making you happy, because all of your special sauce — and additional nutrients — are now going directly to your mate’s body via that permanent fixture that was once your mouth. Eventually, your whole head blends into her body and you are now just an embarrasing goiter off the side of her butt. You will live the rest of your life as a delicious, nutrient-providing baby-making tumour.

And … after all of that, it turns out your idea of beauty was affected by pheromones rather than any aesthetic standard we can think of. Your date does not look like Megan Fox

Not only are angler fish ugly, they have a built-in spotlight to highlight your shame.

How romantic!