The Rehab Triangle

Chapter 14: A Moment of Doubt

The room was quieter than usual, the only sounds coming from Mr. Haller’s voice, which seemed to drift over me without sticking. My eyes were on the floor, my hands clenched in my lap, but I wasn’t listening. I hadn’t been listening for a while now. I had long since tuned out the cadence of Mr. Haller’s soothing words, the carefully constructed responses he expected from us in these sessions.

I could feel Valerie’s eyes on me, her usual disinterest replaced by something else—concern, maybe. Her gaze wasn’t harsh, but it was persistent, a weight pressing against me, reminding me that I wasn’t as invisible as I wanted to be right now. She shifted in her chair, and I could hear her breath, steady but a little unsure. I didn’t want her to worry about me. I wasn’t ready for anyone to care. I wasn’t ready to care.

But the thoughts in my mind weren’t giving me any peace. They were still spinning from last night, from that conversation with Zack. He’d come to the rehab center after hours, under the cover of darkness, his hands in his pockets, his face a mix of guilt and frustration. His apology had been… weak. It felt like it was something he had said just because he had to, just to tie up loose ends in a way that didn’t actually ask for anything real. He’d said he was sorry, but there was no weight behind it, no sincerity.

I had been waiting for something more, some admission that what he’d done to me—dragging me into all of this—had actually meant something to him. But he’d given me nothing but words. And I was stuck, unsure if I could accept them.

Zack had always been good at this—appearing like he cared when it suited him, putting on a front. But I knew better now. His apology felt like another transaction, another calculated move in a game I had been too blind to see until recently. But how much was I supposed to forgive? Was there a limit to how many times someone could apologize and expect you to just move on?

The problem was, I didn’t know. I didn’t know if I could forgive him and everything that I’d been dragged into.

I could feel Valerie’s stare burning through me. There was no way she couldn’t see that I was distracted, lost in my thoughts, stuck in the same loop of anger and doubt. Her lips pressed together in the way they always did when she was about to speak but wasn’t sure if she should.

But then, she broke the silence. Her voice, quiet and slightly hoarse, cut through the fog of my thoughts. “You okay, Welmer?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer her. The question was simple, but the answer felt impossible to put into words. What was I supposed to say? I’m fine, just trying to figure out if I should forgive the guy who ruined my life and dragged me into a criminal underworld that I couldn’t escape from? No, I wasn’t fine. I didn’t know how to be fine.

I shrugged, not meeting her gaze. “I’m just… thinking.”

She raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

I hesitated, wondering if it was even worth telling her. Valerie had always kept everyone at arm’s length, including me. It was easier that way, or so it seemed. And yet, here I was, sitting next to her in a therapy session, and she was actually paying attention. I didn’t want her to care. I didn’t want to be the person who unloaded my s**t onto her. But she was waiting for an answer, so I gave her the bare minimum.

“I went through all of this. All of it. Just to be here.” My voice was low, almost a whisper. “And Zack can just show up and say sorry? Like that’s supposed to fix everything?”

I felt her eyes on me as I spoke. She didn’t say anything at first, but I could tell she was processing my words. She wasn’t offering advice or trying to solve anything. She wasn’t offering empty words of comfort like I had expected. For once, she didn’t shut me down. She just listened.

“I don’t know what to do,” I added quietly. “I don’t know if I should forgive him. Should I? Is that what I’m supposed to do?”

Valerie let out a slow breath, sitting back in her chair. She didn’t respond right away. For a moment, I thought she was going to shut me down, to tell me to figure it out on my own like she usually did. But instead, she met my gaze, her green eyes softening just a little.

“You really want my advice on that?” Her voice was dry, her usual sarcasm replaced by something softer, something almost… vulnerable.

I nodded slowly, surprised at how much I wanted to hear what she had to say. There was something about the way she spoke, something about the way she seemed to understand without trying to fix everything. It felt real. And maybe that was the most comforting thing she could offer me right now.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s right anymore. I just… I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by even letting him back in. He’s just gonna screw me over again, isn’t he?”

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “You’re not dumb, Welmer. You know exactly who Zack is. If you’re asking if you should forgive him, that’s your call. But if you’re asking if he’s really sorry—” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

It wasn’t exactly comforting, but I appreciated her honesty. I could feel the weight in her words, the truth in them. She wasn’t sugar-coating things. She wasn’t pretending everything would be fine if I just forgave Zack. And for the first time in a while, I felt like maybe someone understood the mess inside my head. Maybe Valerie didn’t have all the answers, but she wasn’t pretending either.

I swallowed, my throat dry. “I just don’t know what to do.”

She looked at me for a long time, her expression unreadable. Then, unexpectedly, she stood up. “Come on,” she said, her voice gruff but warm. “Let’s get out of here for a minute.”

Before I could protest, she grabbed my sleeve and tugged me toward the door. “We’re going to the garden,” she muttered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

We stepped outside, the cold air hitting me like a shock. Valerie led the way, her pace quick, as though she was determined to get away from the stuffy therapy room as much as I was. We walked in silence for a moment, the weight of the conversation still hanging between us.

But then, unexpectedly, Valerie cracked a smile, a small but genuine one. “You know,” she said, glancing at me from the corner of her eye, “you really suck at opening up.”

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh, despite myself. “Oh, really?” I shot back. “I didn’t realize you were the expert on feelings.”

She shrugged, her grin widening. “Someone has to be.”

We both laughed then, and for the first time in a long time, it felt like I could breathe again. The tension in my chest began to loosen, the knot inside me unravelling just a little. Maybe I didn’t have all the answers yet. Maybe I didn’t know what to do about Zack, but I wasn’t alone in this anymore. Not completely.

And for now, that was enough.