Hitting Rock Bottom

Chapter 9 Last Day

Yvette's POV

I peel my eyes open at the sound of my alarm screaming next to my head. It's so loud that it seems to be making my head throb at that sound alone.. or maybe my head is throbbing from all the drinking, when I never really drink. But either way I'm feeling bad.. I need some medicine and a shower to hopefully not look like a walking corpse.

Today I have to be able to look as fantastic as I can, to show everyone I'm not phased by this traumatic time, even though I know I am. Today is going to be a hard day but I don't need to make it any harder than it should be. Today is my last day of my job.. This breaks my heart to think about but maybe it will be good to try something new, getting new developed abilities by the new job I will get. Something to look forward to.

I act as if I have a job lined up and that's not the case.. but hopefully that won't be the case for too long. But I still have to be realistic with myself because as of right now I'm jobless.. so I need to get this show on the road.. I have my last showing tonight and then the jobless life.

I know they offered me a position but honestly I have too much pride to take a job that they gave to me because they felt bad for me, not because they wanted my help or appriciated anything I have done over the years. I would rather be jobless and figure out something new, to get a new start for myself.. than put my already depressed mind through more stress, working with a woman who f*#ked my husband while watching the woman who took my job do better than me, not feeling like I have a purpose at all.. that sounds miserable and I won't do that to myself.

I sit up slowly from this little bed as I take a look around the guest room. I groan out hating this. What am I going to do? Maybe I can try to keep the house and just switch rooms and redesign it to make it look different.. and maybe, just maybe, that would make this situation different.

I try to reassure myself as I scoff out at myself taking away that reassurance instantly. Yeah right, putting layers of paint on this place isn't going to change the memories made in each one of these rooms that I can't and won't forget about as long as I'm here.

I sadly drag my feet through the room and down the hall towards my bedroom. I observe every single one of the pictures of the fun trips I went on with my husband for our yearly trip. We had so many good times. Or so I thought. I keep thinking to myself as I brush my hand lightly over all the framed pictures.

The big smiles seemed so genuine and some of my favorites moments in life.. and to know he regretted it, breaks my heart all over again.. Was everything I ever thought, just a huge lie? I would assume so from the letter I recieved, so I have nothing else to defend what I thought was there.

I feel so stupid.. How can I honestly miss him? and more importantly, how can I hate being single when, come to find out, I never even knew what love was? I shouldn't, I couldn't, I can't. What do I do now?

I cry to myself feeling the heartbreak worse now that I don't have pills or alcohol to numb the pain. I gasp for air into my burning lungs as I just hope and pray for something to ease this pain.. But what? there really isn't anything I can think of.

I stand up as the tears continue to fall.. but I have things to take care of at my job.. then after that I will have plenty of time to drink and sulk in my sorrows. At least that's something that I have to look forward to.. Maybe that will take my mind of of my shitty life.. at least for a little bit.

I slowly strip my clothing off because the tenderness of my sore muscles is too much to bare at the moment. But with each layer taken off, I feel the weight coming off with it and as silly as it sounds, I start to feel a little better.

Once naked and turning on the shower, I then stand for a moment and feel the strong urge to stretch. I can't help but stretch out as a shooting pain hits me from the inside. I'm not healed from the surgery yet and I keep forgetting just that. Huffing out is all I can seem to do in response to my forgetfulness as I step into the hot, steaming shower.

I scrub my body as best as I can without hurting myself. I caress the shampoo in my hair but it hurts a little more.. with every move I make it hurts but the hot water is making the pain receed slowly but surely.

Taking advantage of the miracle numbing of the hot water to my sore body. I wash my hair with the conditioner then rinsing it out as I can't help but just stand under the shower water, enjoying this little bit of relief. I wish I could stay in here all day but my poor wrinkly skin is begging me to get out of the water so I reluctantly ablige.

Once dried off as best as I can, which isn't as good as I would've liked.. It's needless to say my body was way harder than expected to dry, just because of all the bending. But my body still doesn't hurt as bad as it did when I entered the shower so that's a win in itself. Take the small wins since I don't have many wins at all in life at the moment.

I slip on my favorite lucky suit, pin skirt and all. It looks black but when you get close it looks sparkling because of the shiny rainbow thin pinstripes down it. I wear whatever colored shirt I want under it because it matches them all. So I grab favorite shirt that I always got compliments on. It's my salmon pink, frilly shirt that tucks in perfectly, showing a tiny bit of cleavage to look sexy, but not too much to be harassed by all the conservative mothers that watch our news.

I slip on my usual, worn-in, black pointed heels that make me look like 'all business' in this sophisticated world.. That's all I wanted is for everyone to take me seriously, because of my professional stature.

It hard knowing this will be my last day at my work but also knowing how much they don't appriciate me and are so willing to throw me out for the next best thing makes me happy to know I will be away from that toxicity.. Just like with my husband.

I take my purse, throwing everything I need in it along with things I definently don't need, like the letter he wrote me. I don't know why but I feel the need to hold onto this, maybe it's for extra motivation on what I need to stay away from.. or to remind me why I'm not married and going to be alone from now on.. or whatever internal reason, I'm still bringing it.

Being honest I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm single now, with my husband not wanting me anymore. But I will get it through my head eventually.. he doesn't want me so I don't want him, I will never force someone to be in my life.

Even if he tried coming back, I don't think I could have anything with him because of the idea of how many times he cheated and lied to be with other women, when he could have been with me.. That thought will always be in the back of my mind.

I have to admit though, the aching pain I feel in my heart at the loss of him is undeniable. But because of being by myself for most of my life growing up, it's pretty easy for me to cut any strings that I have attached to anyone who doesn't want to be around me. So that's exactly what I have to do in this hard situation, so I don't get hurt more than I already have. But imagining my life without him in it, is way easier said then done.

I turn to walk to my front door with everything in hand as I hear I knocking onto it. I slowly open the door to see a man with a large envelope in hand. "I'm here to serve you the divorce papers ma'am." I just nod at him, signing for the papers as he leaves. That was unexpected.. but I guess necessary with the situation at hand.. and it really helps to seal in the thoughts of being newly single again.

I huff out turning around and taking the papers inside to take care of this now.. He obviously wants this done right away and I'll give him just that.. I'm ready to wash my hands of this. I have a little bit of time to spare so I look through each page and signing what it asks me to and initialing in other areas and before I know it, I'm fully through the paperwork.

I groan out realizing that I'm now single.. this sucks.. this is a shitty breakup but at least these papers prove I'm done with it. I throw the stack back into the envelope and re-labeling it so I can send it right back to our lawyer to get this underway.

Once I'm out of the house with my hands now full, I prance down the stairs and to my car, that's not parked as well as I thought I did last night. It's slightly curved in the spot, with the rear sticking out, but I'm still in the lines which is what matters I guess.

I get into my car starting up the engine as I drive off, down the busy roads just filled with people heading to work just like I am. I pull up to the front of my building, getting out just to throw the paperwork into the mailbox out front. Now hopefully this means I can start to try to get over him.. and figure myself out.

This day is going to be a big change in my life.. is it for the good or bad, is yet to be seen but always hoping for the good.. but the sadness at the idea of those papers makes me feel like a failure of a wife.. the one good structure I had in my life was this marriage and it was all an illusion or lie.. it's hard to wrap my head around in general.

I get back into my car and drive around to the parking lot that's covered and under the building. I park in my usual spot, even though the man who makes the assigned parking signs is scraping off my name as we speak. I feel my jaw clenching watching him do this and he looks nervous but keeps doing his job. I turn off my vehicle as I quickly get out with my purse in hand and walk away from my vehicle before he has anything to say to me about the spot change.

The guards open the door for me as the small smiles and pity-filled stares are taking over already.. sooner than I expected. I knew that the people inside would know, but not these guys yet.. but apparently it's everyone who knows about me and my situation.

I take the elevator up alone, but when the doors open, the room is lively with people running all over the place as usual before production. But as soon as they see me the whispering, pity stares and curiosity fills the features of everyone around me, making this more stressful then it probably needs to be.