Alien Dating Hotline

Chapter 2

Amara

A blaring alarm woke me up with a start the next morning. “Argh!” I must have forgotten to cancel my alarms for work. It was yet another depressing reminder of my miserable unemployed state.

“Switch it off, Amara! I’m trying to sleep for god’s sake.” Alia yells, aiming a pillow at my face.

“I’m trying. Give me a break! My head feels like it’s being squeezed with a lemon squeezer.” I cry out, holding my head while desperately trying to locate my phone. I find it hidden between the sofa cushions and hurriedly cancel all my 10 alarms. Don't ask. Evidently, I'm not a morning person and need an insane number of alarms to actually wake me up.

“We shouldn’t have gotten that drunk. I have to go to work today, at least one of us needs to hold on to our job.” Alia looks like she’s either going to throw up or go back to sleep right this second, or possibly both.

“Hey! I didn’t ask to get fired. Don’t fight with me this early.” I scroll through my phone, trying to figure out what mess I got myself into this time. Drunk me plus a phone equals no good. I always end up making a fool out of myself.

I get a notification that I have received a mail. I open it hoping it’s a response from one of the companies I have been applying to since I hated working at my current, sorry former, job. But instead of a wonderful job opportunity, I’m horrified to find that the mail is from an agency called the alien dating hotline. What is that? I think I might have heard of it from Kayla, she’s the only one among us who is crazy enough to try this.

“Alia, do you remember anything about the alien dating hotline last night? I got an email from them.” I rack my brain trying to remember whether I had mistakenly signed up for something shady or not.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t even heard of this name. What does it say?” Alia perks up, starting to look more alert now.

Great! It seems like we are both equally clueless. That is fantastic! Please note the sarcasm, ladies and gentlemen. “Here, let us read it together.” I go and sit next to her on the floor.

“Greetings, human! We, at the alien dating hotline, are delighted to inform you that you have been matched with the perfect alien of your dreams. We have scheduled your exciting first blind date tonight at 8 pm at the earth terminal at the grand space station. Your date can’t wait to meet you! As requested, we are keeping the details of your date as a surprise. We hope you’re satisfied with our service. Don’t forget to leave feedback and recommend us to all your friends. We wish you an exciting and pleasurable evening. Farewell, human!

P.S. The penalty for failing to show up on the date is 10,000 space credits, due within 24 hours of such a failure.”

“What the f**k!” I cry out loud, in a daze after reading the email. I can’t believe what is happening. Is this true? Or is someone playing a sick joke on me? This has to be a prank. I will throttle Kayla today. How dare she play such a prank on me!

“What have you done, Amara?” Alia started panicking.

“Me? What have I done? You seem to forget that you were with me last night and probably encouraged me, or even suggested this to me in the first place! This is all your fault. I was clearly not in the right mindset after getting fired. You should have stopped me from committing this foolery! … Besides, this is probably, no, it’s definitely a prank by Kayla. I’ll just call her, and everything will be all right.” I try to reassure myself.

I quickly call Kayla, who picks up on the first ring, “Good morning, Amara! Why do I have the pleasure of talking to you this early in the morning?”

“Kayla, please tell me it’s you pretending to be the alien dating hotline.” I ask her, desperately wishing it was another one of her silly pranks.

“Pretending to be a what?” she asks.

“Alien dating agency”

“Alien dating agency? Why would I pretend to be those guys? Ugh remember they matched me with a Yakura male last time? It was a disaster, I swear! I thought I'd get to take a ripped alien home who'd break my back and murder my v****a with his beautiful thick c**k. But instead, I got stuck with an orange-skinned, 4-foot man whose breath stank of rat piss. I’m never calling that place again; I’ll stick to following my beautiful aliens like an obsessed human creep.” She says, still pissed at her disastrous date.

“Oh my god! I completely forgot about that. What should I do, Kayla? You know I got fired last night, and then we got drunk, and you know how I get when I drink! I called this stupid hotline and now they have sent me an email confirming my blind date with someone I have no idea about. Is there any way to get out of this without paying the penalty?” I was increasingly becoming panicked myself.

“Why would you do that, Amara? There is no way to get out of this now. The penalty is to discourage human females from backing out of dates. They get very few human females and we are coveted because we’re newly discovered and all alien males want to get a taste of us. We’re the shining new toy on the intergalactic market, my friend. I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ll have to at least show up to the date. It’s going to be fine. It’s not like your surprise date can force you to do anything. Just go and get it over with. But if it’s with someone hot, then you need to totally get laid! I’ll just live my dreams vicariously through you.” Kayla sighs, trying to make me feel better.

“I guess... I have no choice now. I’m broke and there is no way I can afford to shell out that ridiculous amount of money on a failed date. Not like I have a job keeping me busy anyway. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Bye amara!”

“Well, it looks like you’re going on a date tonight! Let’s eat something and then figure out what you’ll wear. Who knows, maybe you’ll finally meet your hot, rich alien tonight.” Alia laughs at my misery. At least she's making us her delicious signature breakfast.

“Ha ha. Very funny. You’re hilarious, Alia! I wonder why you’re still single.” I mock her. I’m slowly starting to accept my fate. “It’s just a date, not a big deal. I can do this. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Famous last words.