Love after loss

Chapter 5 - The fighter

The hardest part of the 6 months that followed that hospital appointment was seeing my husband fade in front of my eyes. His thick dark hair was now barely a wisp. He was tall and well built but now looked frail and hunched like the mere weight of his head was too much to hold up.

I was losing him, I knew it. But I never let it show. He’s a fighter. But between the sickness and the chemo, the fight had been knocked out of him. 

Every night when I made him comfortable and he fell restlessly to sleep. I would cry. Alone in the kitchen when no one could see and then start the day again a little stronger than the day before.

It was the middle of the night when I woke up to a crash in the bathroom.

I rushed in to find Derek passed out on the floor with a wad of tissues clutched in his hand soaked with blood.

“Oh god Derek”

I grabbed my phone and cradled his head on my lap while tearily phoning for an ambulance.

Once at the hospital with Derek hooked up to various IVs and oxygen the doctor pulled me outside the room to explain what was happening.

“We’ve stabilised him for now but the cancer is not responding to treatment. I think the best option from here is palliative care. To make him as comfortable as we can”

I looked at my husband through the glass windows of the hospital room and the tears came heavy and unstoppable.

“Is he going..”

I tried to compose myself and stop the sobbing gasps that shook my words

“Is he going to die”

The doctor looked at me with pitying eyes. 

“Is there anyone we can call for you”

I shook my head and made my way back into the room and sat on the chair next to the head of the bead and clutched Dereks hand in mine. 

I’m not sure how long I stayed that way, a few hours maybe but he eventually opened his eyes.

He lifted his hand clumsily to move the oxygen mask and gave me a weak smile.

“Elle”