Where Loyalties Lie

30

I lifted my gaze to find her staring at the birth certificate in her hands. “WitSec wouldn’t need to get you documents through some stoner in Ohio.” Was she still lying? Had I somehow fallen in with a pathological liar? “The only way I was discovered so quickly was if there was a leak in the program. Stephanie had told me from the beginning that if the program was compromised, then I’d have to run on my own. She said it’s rare but possible. I don’t know how she knows Reggie, but I’m sure it was the only thing she could do to help me without a record on her end.” I walked over and pulled the document from her hands, waiting until her eyes lifted to meet mine. “WitSec is comprised of ninety-five percent criminals who have rolled over on their fellow associates. You don’t end up in the program because your boyfriend is after you.” I wanted to see her reaction to my questions to help gauge whether she was finally telling me the truth. “He was a biker. A part of a large motorcycle club. I provided testimony against him, and now his club is after me.” “Why would you turn in your boyfriend?” She took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed. “At first, I thought it was a simple motorcycle club. There were plenty of them around, and I’d grown up around them, so I didn’t think anything of it. One day, I went looking for him and accidentally walked in on him doing some illegal business. He freaked out.” She swallowed hard, not meeting my eyes. “He threatened me—made sure I understood that I was to keep my mouth shut. But after that, I couldn’t see him the same way. I didn’t want to be any part of his club or that crowd, but I wasn’t sure how to leave. I was terrified. A few weeks later at a club party, one of the girls was joking about the feds watching them in a car outside. When it came time for me to go home, the car was still there. I scribbled my number on an old receipt and slipped it to them as I walked past. I had no idea what would come of it; I just knew I needed help. As it turned out, they were already building a case against the club, and they needed my testimony. I was able to negotiate my way into WitSec in exchange for testifying, but I’ve lived in a constant state of paranoia ever since.” Her story was sufficiently detailed, and I got the sense she was telling the truth, but I still wasn’t sure what to think. I’d believed she was telling me the truth before, and while it wasn’t entirely a lie, there was far more to her story than she’d divulged. “What about the picture of the kids?” I asked. She leaned forward and picked it up where it had been discarded, smiling fondly at the memory. “That’s my half brother and half sister, Isaac and Averi. My dad remarried when I was seventeen, the same year my tita passed away. It was a rough year. His new wife was a worthless sack of s**t, but those kids meant everything to me. She was too lazy to bother with raising them, so I took care of them. That was by far the hardest part of walking away. I wasn’t supposed to take anything with me, but I had to take the picture. It’s all I have left of them.” Something grated at me. The incessant chaffing of a rock inside my shoe. Guilt. I rarely suffered from that ugly emotion. My father used to say, “Measure twice, cut once.” I liked to think I practiced that philosophy in all areas of my life, which meant I rarely regretted my actions. Emily was proving herself to be my exception in all things. I’d injected myself into a far bigger mess than I had expected. I certainly wasn’t interested in showing up on the federal government’s radar, but I also couldn’t leave her to deal with this on her own, not when I was partially responsible for her situation. I walked to where she sat and cupped her cheeks, tilting her chin up to face me. “I think what we need to do is go somewhere remote and let things settle down. I know you were thinking about going to a new city, but you’re safer where you won’t be seen. It’ll buy us some time, which we could both use to clear our heads. Maybe then, we can come up with a long-term plan.” Her eyes grew glassy, but she kept her composure as she nodded. “Why don’t you get showered, and we’ll grab some dinner. First thing in the morning, we head north.” OceanofPDF.com Chapter 14 Emily Few things are more difficult in this life than admitting aloud the ugliest parts of ourselves, especially when that admission is made to someone we respect. The words taste rancid and shameful after being swallowed back and festering down in our bellies for so long. Sometimes, we want to spit out the words so we can be free of the bitter aftertaste, but when the opportunity arises, we get scared. We think no one will understand, and that maybe, if it stays in the dark, it’ll be like it never happened. But we should know better. Secrets have a way of bubbling to the surface. It is the one epic battle almost everyone fights at some point—whether to keep a secret to protect your reputation, letting the knowledge eat at you internally, or to divulge the secret, thereby relieving the burden at the risk of ostracization. The two arguments war with one another, a bloody and corrosive battle that only intensifies as we tell further lies to protect that hideous little secret. When I told Tamir my story, I was relieved but still so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. He had been so understanding and helpful, and I had done nothing but lie to him. During that brief window when we’d been drinking and kissing, it felt like those barriers between us had begun to drop. We were free to be two people exploring the attraction between them. After my confession, those barriers felt reformed and fortified, an almost physical presence. When he placed his hands on my face and suggested our next course of action, I was begging and screaming on the inside for him to kiss me. To show me that what I’d told him didn’t change the way he saw me. To reinforce that connection we’d shared hours before. Instead, I felt like an inmate locked behind iron bars and denied all but the most paltry scraps of affection.