Entangled With The Mafia

Chapter 14: Shame

Amelia

I scrutinize my reflection in the mirror. I no longer recognize the person staring back at me. This can't be Amelia George. Amelia's wandering around somewhere; she left a while ago. Or rather, she stayed in that room with Mr. Pascual's hands on her t**s. This is Yara Huxley, the girl that would do anything to please. The girl that doesn't exist.

I've never felt this unclean before. I could roll around in the mud and eat dog s**t, and I still wouldn't feel this way. It's the kind of dirt that soaks into the skin and embeds itself right beneath the surface. No amount of scrubbing will get it out. It's there for life as a reminder of what I've done, what I let that man do to me.

I'm in the lounge bathroom. The job is done, and the deal is sealed. Or maybe it isn't, I wasn't paying enough attention. I could only stare as his hands rubbed circles on my skin. Every time he'd move his hand closer to my breasts or under my dress, I'd hold my breath. He went as far as touching my c**t. And all the while, I sat there and smiled at him until my cheeks cramped. I had to act pleased by what he was doing to me. That excited him. I close my eyes and will this horrible sensation to vanish. I'm disgusted. I want to burn the memory of his touch from my skin.

I put a generous amount of liquid soap on my hands and start scrubbing every area that's exposed. I pat it dry with a hand towel. I stare at my reflection once more. I'm about to leave when Theodora enters the bathroom. She looks drunk; her mascara is smudged. She stops to look at me and nods appreciatively. "Yep. You'll do."

She gets into a stall and pees. Her words are puzzling. What exactly does she mean by that? She flushes and moves over to the sink to wash her hands. We're side by side, our arms only an inch apart. She stares at my reflection. "You know, I don't like you. Have I ever told you that?"

"You didn't have to," I say. She loathes me, that's pretty obvious. This is the first time she's saying it to my face, but she didn't have to. I've known from day one.

The corners of her lips twitch. "It's that obvious, huh? Well, now you know. I don't like keeping emotions bottled up." She turns to the mirror and fluffs her hair. I see her glance at the basin with the foam and the liquid soap bottle open. Then, she eyes my wet skin. Her expression softens, but her words are still harsh.

"You should've left when you had the chance." She opens her purse and retrieves a tube of lip gloss. "They'll never let you leave now that you've done their dirty work. You're theirs for life."

I lower my head. "I didn't have a choice. I've got nowhere to go."

"I've heard that sob story before," she sighs. "Save it because I don't believe you. Everyone's got somewhere to go. Anywhere better than this pile of s**t. Anyway, you're going nowhere. You'll stay here and do as they please."

I shake my head. "I'm thinking about leaving," I say, and I'm surprised by the vehemence of my words.

"You should've thought of it before." She tucks the tube back into her purse. She looks over at me. "You're chained to our name. You practically sold your soul to the devil. My brother will make you do unspeakable things. What happened to you tonight is nothing. Better get used to it, because it will happen a lot."

She leaves the bathroom without looking back once. I let her words sink in. I've always wondered what her job in the company was. Now I know. I've replaced her. That's what she meant by 'you'll do'. I don't know if I can do it again. Tonight was unbearable; I despised every miserable second. If I give up now, this would all have been in vain. I've gotten this far, but I don't know how far I can go. I don't think I would have s*x with one of their clients. That would be the limit. Tonight was the limit.

But what about Aaron? I'm not naive. I know that if I give up now, Devon will desert me. If he had truly wanted to help, he wouldn't make me do this, and Aaron would be out by now. Freeing Aaron means I'll have to make sacrifices, but can I throw my soul in the bargain? Can I give up the very essence of who I am? Because I no longer recognize myself. My mother, and even Aaron, would kill me if they knew what I was doing. Consorting with criminals is bad enough, but f*****g them?

My head starts pounding. I can't stay in this place a second longer. I get out of the bathroom, and the noise of the crowd worsens my migraine. There's live music tonight, so the crowd is rowdy. I see Chris working behind the bar on his own. I have no plans of joining him. I've done my fair share of work today. On any other day, I would've been determined to please them and show them I was worthy of their trust. Tonight isn't one of those days. Chris will have to do this on his own. He can't possibly imagine what I went through tonight, what I had to endure. If he did, he wouldn't look at me the same way.

Ethan said I didn't have to stay for the night shift. I wasn't planning to, either way. I've had enough of the Kellers to last me a lifetime. On my way out, I bump into Elizabeth. My heart sinks. Great, this is just what I needed. She scowls when she looks at me, but her face changes completely when she realizes who I am. With my hair down and in this dress, I don't look like a barmaid, the one she ignores and never acknowledges. No, I look like her, a shorter, less flattering version of her. But her nonetheless.

She eyes my dress and exposed leg, and then her eyes return to my face. This must be the first time she's looked me in the eye. I can see every emotion flashing in her eyes, but anger dominates. Now I've got another Keller who hates me. "If this ever happens again, I'll get you fired." She proceeds to scoff and turn on her heel. She sashays out of the lounge, and the porter opens the door to a black SUV for her. She climbs inside, graciously as ever, and the car speeds away.

Now I've really had enough of them.

The porter looks at me funny as I walk by. He knows who I am, and I bet he's wondering why I'm dressed this way. I lower my head and ignore him. I don't say goodbye to him as I usually do. I can't face him wearing this. I know what he must be thinking, and I don't want to see that reflected in his eyes when I talk to him.

I hail a cab and mutter the address to Jason's apartment. I still call it Jason's because it could never be mine, even though I've cleaned his room. I found a picture of his children under his mattress. I stared at their faces and felt an irrefutable urge to cry. He was doing this for them, working hard to feed them, just like I was doing this for Aaron. He died tragically and unexpectedly, and he was far too young. It makes me hate Devon sometimes, but he's right. No one's forcing anyone. We got into this because we wanted to. Needed to.

Maybe I'll be next. I keep thinking about that. If I don't get out of here soon, I'll die. But this task is getting more and more difficult, and I'm not close to discovering that name. I've heard many names, and I've even handed a list to Devon, but none proved helpful. They were just names of other criminals. I'm starting to wonder if this 'official' even exists.

I climb the stairs, feeling dead inside. Just a to-be dead girl heading to a dead man's apartment. That's how I feel.

I shove the key in the keyhole, but the door creaks open before I can turn it. I remember locking it this morning. I always lock it, because of the suitcase beneath my bed. I would never leave it unlocked. I still have to deliver it to Jason's real family, but I never have time. I just don't trust Devon to do it.

I start hyperventilating. Someone's been in here and left the door unlocked. I push the door open, but only darkness greets me. I take a tentative step inside and search for the light switch I know is somewhere on this wall. I flip it, and light floods the room. When I see someone sitting on the couch and watching me, I scream.