Rising From the Ashes

Forgive but Never Forget

Once I've finished my shower, I make my way downstairs. I'm once again lost. Why couldn’t he have drawn me a map? I can hear some noise coming from one of the rooms to my right. I open the door, to see an immaculate kitchen. Xavier is in the kitchen cooking up a storm.

“I didn’t know you can cook.” I say as I lean against the counter.

“There seems to be a lot you don’t know about me.” My eyes drop in disappointment for not recognizing Xavier earlier.

“I’m sorry about earlier. It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen you. You’ve changed a lot since then.” I bite my lip in embarrassment.

He looks up at me as I follow his gaze to my mouth. I see what looks like arousal, before he quickly adjusts himself, and his normal look of seriousness reappears.

“Anyways, I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. I know I don’t deserve any of it, but just know that I truly appreciate it. If you tell me how to get to the highway, I can get out of your hair.”

“Where will you go?” Xavier asks. 

I shrug my shoulders as I reply, “I actually take possession of an apartment later today. It's not much. Nothing like this. But it's mine."

"Plus, I've a job I need to get back to, if I haven't been fired yet.”

"You're not going back to that job."

"What? Of course I'm! I need that job otherwise I will be back on the streets."

"What do you mean by 'back on the streets'."

"Exactly what it implies. I found freedom from the streets. I never liked any of the foster homes I was put into. Each one was worse than the last. So I would spend nights on the streets to get away from it all."

"You're not serious! You've lived on the streets?" Xavier yells, but he doesn't seem upset with me, rather himself.

"Of course I've. I don't have money like you. I never had options like you. The only person looking out for me, was me. If that meant choosing to be on the streets, opposed to living at the hell hole I was in, then so be it." I yell, not intentionally trying to vent at him.

Xavier walks up to me, and holds me close. Placing my head in the crook of his neck. 

"I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through. But there is no way I'm letting you go back to that job."

"What do you mean by 'letting me'?"

"Exactly as it sounds. There's no way you're going back there."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing that you don't make decisions for me then."

"Lexi!" Xavier tone switches to a more serious one.

"What? What could you possibly say that will change my mind?"

Xavier takes a deep breath. It looks like he's trying to control himself. 

"Why do you want to go back there so bad?"

"I don't. I hate that job. But it's the only job available that will allow me to afford my own place."

"That's not true."

"Maybe for someone like you, maybe. But for someone like me that has nothing, it is the only job. A basic waitressing job would never make enough to pay the bills."

"Someone like me?"

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean anything by it. I mainly just mean someone that has money. You went to a good school, probably college or university. Where as I will never have that opportunity."

"Would you want to?"

"Would I want to what?"

"Go to college or university?"

"Of course. I've dreamt about it, but there's noway I could ever afford it. So it was mostly a pipe dream."

"What would you go to school for?"

I take a step back from Xavier. The fight taken right out of me from his question. No one has ever asked me that before. No one has even cared. I take a moment, watching his eyes, before replying.

"Social work. I want to be able to help kids like me that didn't have anyone. I want to be their person. I want to be a person that will have their backs, and support them with whatever they need. Something I never had. My social worker.. well, I don't think she ever had my best interests at heart."

"What makes you think that?"

I shrug my shoulders before replying. 

"Honestly, it always just felt like she would only put me in a different home, when it suited her. I tried talking to her about some of my concerns, but it never changed anything."

Xavier takes a step forward and pulls me closer to him. Allowing me to rest my head on his chest. I listen to the rhythm of his his heartbeat, and it begins to soothe me. 

"I will always be in your corner. If you let me, I want to be your person. Someone that you can go to for help, and never feel judged."

I lean my head back, to look him in the eyes. Placing my hand above his heart. Looking for an indication that he's lying.

"What would that entail exactly?"

"Well for starters, I want you to live here. This place is too big for just me. I would love it, if you stayed here as well."

I take a step back, distancing myself from him.

"Why? Why would you want to do that?"

"Like I said, I want to be your person. I want to be the person you never got to have. I want to be your friend."

Confused, I look into his eyes. What does he have to gain from this? Why does he really want me to stay? There must be an underlying reason why. There always is.

"What do you want in return?"

"What?"

"What do you want from me? I don't have any money, I don't even have any possessions. So why would you want to help me?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Everything has a price. People don't help, unless they're getting something out of it."

"I don't think that's entirely true.." Xavier begins to say, but I cut him off.

"So what do you want?"

"What I want.." Xavier says, but once again I cut him off.

"I knew it! You're all the same!" I throw my hands in the air, and turn around to walk out of the kitchen. Before I get a chance, I feel a firm grasp on my wrist.

Xavier turns me around, and pulls me close to him. Placing one hand near my forehead, where he brushes some hair to the side. His other arm swiftly runs behind my back, resting on the small of my back.

"All I want, is to be your friend."

I raise an eyebrow at him. Searching him for any sign of distrust. Before I get a chance to respond, Xavier pulls me tight against him.

"I can tell that you're not used to trusting anyone. But I want, no I need, you to know that I've only ever wanted to be there for you. Have I ever given you a reason why you shouldn't trust me?"

I think back to when we were kids. However, he's right. There was never a time that I thought I couldn't trust him. Rather, he was so much like my brother. If Ryker wasn't there, then Xavier was. 

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you want anything from me?"

Xavier pulls my head back, so that he can look into my eyes.

"Because you're everything that I ever wanted. I would trade all of this, to know that you're safe. I've never cared about the money. Money may be able to buy a lot, but it could never buy you or your brother. The both of you mean everything to me. I was devastated when I found out that you were taken by social services. I looked for you every opportunity that I could. I would give up my company in a heartbeat, if it meant a life with you."

"What?" I question. No longer able to put an entire sentence together. 

"You would really give up everything for me?"

Xavier holds me tight to him.

"Of course I would Little Bear. You mean the world to me."

I don't know how much time goes by. We stand there together in the kitchen holding onto each other. Neither of us wanting to say anymore.

Suddenly a kitchen timer goes off.

"s**t! I forgot about dinner!" Xavier yells,  spinning around, and scrambling to the stove. I try to prevent it, but I can't stop the laugh from escaping. I can't remember the last time I laughed like this.

“What are you cooking?” I ask curious about his cooking skills. 

“Wild mushroom and sage raviolo, with a deconstructed nicoise salad, and a lavender vanilla creme brûlée for dessert.” 

My mouth drops open from his unexpected menu. 

“Seriously?” Xavier lets out a small chuckle. 

“Ya, why?”

“Not to offend you or anything, but I was just expecting something simple like peanut butter and jelly.” Amused, he looks at me with a smile forming on his lips.

“Is that what you would prefer?”

“NO! I just didn’t realize you know how to cook, let alone that well.”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. So I will just let that slide. Just give me 20 minutes, and the food will be ready in the dining room.”

"You say that, as if I know where that is." I look up at him with one eye, the other squinting, as I'm thinking about how I'm supposed to find this dining room within the next 20 minutes. Xavier seems to notice my discomfort as he addresses “how about I will come and get you once it’s done.”

I nod, then head over to the stools sitting along the breakfast bar near where Xavier is cooking.

After a short while, I follow Xavier into the dining room. Xavier carries two steaming plates over to the table. Just the aroma alone smells amazing. I catch myself closing my eyes, and taking in the wonderful odour. I smile as Xavier places the plate down in front of me, then takes the seat next to me. 

Without questioning anything, we both dig right into the food. 

"Mmmm. This is delicious!"

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it." Xavier says, smiling at me.

I smile back, then continue eating my food. After we finished eating, I grab the dishes, and begin to walk them back to the kitchen.

"You don't need to do that." Xavier says to me, trying to get me to stop.

"No, but I want to. It's only fair I do the dishes, when you cooked supper."

"True. But I've people that can do that."

"Give them the night off. Because tonight, I'm cleaning." I say as I shrug, then head back into the kitchen.

Xavier simply smiles at me, then brings the rest of the dishes into the kitchen.

"Once you're done, I want to talk to you in the living room."

I look up at him, a blank expression on my face. I've no idea which room he considers to be his living room. I haven't even explored his house yet. 'I don't even know if I could find my way back to my room.' I laugh, as I think to myself.

"Second door on the right." Xavier says pointing ahead of us, clearly understanding my lack of knowledge of his house.

Xavier smiles, then walks in the direction he pointed. I can't help but smile, as I watch him leave.