Half Way There

"Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them." -Sherlock Holme

So, one day, Madi S decided it was enough. I would always get teased  for reading or having glasses or the fact that I brought my glasses case as a show and tell because I would forget that I had to have something, and they would groan because it'd be the umpteenth time I had 'brought' it. We had lined up in front of the library against the wall to play a game while we were done and waiting for the teacher. It was basically a popularity game because it was called: 'Pick the person who you think is being the quietest.' Honestly, I thought it was super dumb. But effective.. Madi B kept picking other people and everyone knew she was my only friend and that we were always hanging out. So, Madi S, bravest kid in class who piped up, got up there and picked.... ME. Yes, you heard me right, it was me she picked. I was stunned at first and she slowly walked back to her spot and mouthed 'go up there' and my legs finally moved to the spot in front of everyone. But I couldn't decide who to pick! I wanted people to be my friend but, they all stared at me. But before I could even decide who to choose, Madi B huffed and crossed her arms then directed her attention to Madi S. "Why did you pick her??!! You're not her best friend, I AM!!" Madi S had her hands behind her back and, without looking in her direction, said "Well, some best friend you are. You never picked her and she hadn't been picked yet." They had gone back and forth and Madi S had her hands on her hips and finally they both huffed and stayed in line then looked forward because the teacher had finally came back and shushed us all.

And that, my friends, began a beautiful friendship! We have always stuck up for one another, I stopped being friends with Madi B and she even moved away I believe. I still said bye to her because my mom drove me over there since our moms were also close friends. Since we both were in Campfire together and our moms, if I remember correctly, were Campfire leaders. Me and Madi S have only had ONE fight and it was super silly about boys. But we made up eventually because I was stuck at her house anyway until supper time since that was when I was supposed to be back. I think that was 6th grade as well. We've always been like sisters. She was the first person I usually went to, about everything. Especially about boys. I had a crush on one of the neighbor boys who was in our grade who lived next door the her neighbor who was our art teacher! His name was Mikey and had blonde short curly hair, blue eyes, and athletic. He mostly wore basketball shorts and sporty shirts or just regular t-shirts.

I had a crush on him and his jerk of a best friend, Jordan. I can say his name cause I haven't seen him since elementary. I think he moved? Even though he was rough-playing and always, always made fun of me, we were all still close. I remember when I had stuck up for my boy cousin who was my age against Mikey, and Greg who also lived nearby across the street to the right of Madi S's house. My cousin made fun of me and told me to leave (I know he was trying to fit in), and I went to leave off the trampoline and got kicked or pushed off of it. My foot got caught in the springs and I twisted about in the air, and put my hands out to stop myself on the ground and of course there was a ladder laying there! Madi S screamed cause she had broken her arm once putting her arms out to stop herself and was scared I had just done the same. When I got up, I was okay except a bruised heart and felt betrayed.

I looked up to see Mikey's face who looked slightly concerned (for some reason?), my cousin's face who expressed literally nothing and Greg's face who was closest to the edge where I had been pushed off and he had a blank expression. I asked Madi who pushed me off and she said, "I don't know, I was coming outside and I looked up to see you falling. I hadn't seen who pushed you. But are you okay? Check your arm!" Then she whipped her head at their direction, "Who the f**k pushed her off the trampoline?!?? She could have gotten hurt or broke her arm!!! WHO DID IT?!??" She was on the verge of tears, and I was still so shocked and hurt that one of my 'friends' or even my family who I had no physical altercations with just yet, had done that. I could expect it from my brothers or sister, but them? I had no problems with them.. It was unprovoked..

Immediately, Greg shouted that it was Mikey and Mikey flipped out and said "Nuh-uh, it was Greg!! Aisli, I wouldn't do that!!" He had pointed at Greg and they went back and forth. I shook my head, and started to go in because I was starting to cry and I didn't want them to see. I could hear my best friend shouting at them and then huffing as she slammed the door. "I told them to leave and about how dangerous that could have been. Are you okay?" I turned to her and shook my head and she hugged me as I cried. From then on, I never felt like they were my friends, and my cousin always seemed agitated and angry that I was ever around. I felt like he hated me until we were 15 or something. Even then, we were never truly 'close' anymore. But we are definitely getting there since we turned 18 or so. Very courteous and nice to one another. I had lived down the street from them until about 6th grade when we moved again and I changed schools. Of course, that year, if I had gone to the same school in 7th grade and not switched, me and Madi would have had almost every class together and lockers next to each other. I regret to this day, making that choice, but I had also gained friends from that other school. But it did knock my confidence down a bit because I started to get bullied even more at that school versus the last one. So much so, that my depression had gotten so much worse. I won't delve into it but my best friend knows and has talked me down a few times. I've always appreciated her and her timing. I just wish we still vibed like that and had that connection we had when we were kids..

I never had great luck or even good luck with relationships. I'd always get used, treated terribly, threatened, made fun of and broken up with, or in an abusive relationship. Or they would ghost or just be absent, or even called me derogatory names. I was always the safety net to fall on or a joke to entertain them for the moment. When I had found out that my football player boyfriend in 6th grade was using me to get the more popular girls who were super beautiful. It made me feel even more ugly than I had already thought I was. He had broken up with me 3 times and, thank you Silas!, I finally caught on to why. I felt so dumb for believing why the first 2 times and when I was finally clued in, I stayed broken up the 3rd time.

I can be dumb sometimes, you know. Just to show you how dumb, back in 5th grade, I tried to sneak out and oh how it hurt...