Half Way There

"Your heart starts to wonder, where on this earth could I be?" - The Script

So when we moved to Oklahoma, after about 13hrs with my family in a silver corolla car from the 90's and being cramped with my sister and luggage in the back, I made my first friend (by accident) while riding bikes with my sister. She and her little brother were who I mostly hung out with and grew up with. Until I made friends from down the block, I constantly hung out with her. I've felt bad about how I treated her and her brother now because I wanted to impress my other friends. I regret it now, because they've grown up to be such cool and accomplished people in this over-destined, harsh choice of a world. She was immediately judged, just like I was to everyone else, by me as: annoying and obsessive. But when I look back, it was all wrong. She wasn't annoying at all or obsessive. I just had that in my head because I wasn't used to the constant attention from her and her being a great friend to me. Then when I had friends, I joined in their laughter at her just because she was 2 years younger than us and had an accent or how she looked or whatever they would say. I should have stuck up for her, like I did when we were older. I know I haven't spent as much time with her as I should have and she didn't deserve any of what she got. I know I hung out with her more so until I was about 13 and then I just kind of slowly faded on hanging out with her. Which I hated but I got too busy with life and trying to accomplish teenage things, I guess. I really don't remember when we fully stopped hanging out. I remember every once in awhile I'd invite her over or to a party, or hang out with her from time to time. It would cross my mind but sometimes, I'd be working or didn't have the time. I wish I did, though. Make time for her.

She had always been so comfortable just walking into my house when we were younger. Even the first day I met her!! I don't get that close to people so it bothered me slightly. But she's Italian and had always said: "When you're friends, you're family. So mi casa is your casa." She had black long hair or dark brown really, and thick but just like any kid was. Just not thick as in 'developed' cause she was just a kid. She was just turned 5 when I met her and I was 6 turning 7. So when I finally made a friend it was basically because we lived across from each other. But it was some of the best times in my life. I always went over to her house especially on Halloween. I remember my sister locking us in the closet, shutting off the light, and playing Halloween music. My sister also used the walkie talkie to scare us about her little brother, Buddy. I can't remember quite what exactly happened but I remember certain parts cause it scared me a little and made Toni cry. I was too used to my sister though so it didn't fully bother me except the walkie talkie part cause I think I thought he got taken and killed or something.

One of my best friends that also lived near but down the street a bit from me, her name is Madi. I'm putting nicknames to kind of mask their identities because it'll keep them unknown basically except to the people that know me and/or them. Madi had super long dirty blonde hair that, until like 5th or 6th grade, her mom used to put into 2 long braids starting from the top of her head. She was always, always, always tan and athletic due to the soccer team we first met at. She ended up being my best friend and still is to this day, a whole 19 years later. It's mainly because she stood up to a girl who was SUPPOSED to be my friend but bossed me around instead and treated me horribly. I guess that was technically karma.. Her standing up for me was, I think, the very first time anyone stood up for me that I remembered. Except my aunt Kelley who got me my stolen Smoochy back. Smoochy was my stuffed frog toy that I still have to this day. This girl though, was also named Madi coincidentally. She had a little sister that she bullied around, who was super sweet. Her little sister's name was Abbie. She had blonde short hair kind of like her older sister Madi but Madi had short brown hair. Both small but Madi was taller and both had a bob cut with bangs across their forehead. This rescue from my best friend was in second grade, after we had slightly become friends and known each other through soccer in 1st grade. We will call one Madi, Madi B for her brown hair. The other we will call Madi S for soccer.

Madi B used to take my coins for the ice cream truck all the time and my mom would always wonder why I would spend my money so fast. I was trying to be nice but I guess I was more of a pushover because I've never really liked conflict. It might seem like I like to argue but I feel like I'm really just talking things out, I don't see it as arguing. If I was mad, it would be a different story and I'd end up dropping it and walking away or just try to make the other happy by completely giving up and 360 it by switching to whatever they say. But that always seems to make things worse so then I throw my hands up and ask what they want or something. But I gave up trying to ever  earn that money through chores, cause I mean, what's the point? It would just get taken away anyways. But when they stopped doing chores for money, and I found something I wanted and they said earn it somehow, I tried many ways, and I didn't think it was stealing when I went to get money from the change jar because I'd get money from that change jar anyway for the chores way back when so I thought that was just where I needed to get it. I couldn't think of any other way of getting it cause a 7 year old or 8 year old or whatever age I was, couldn't get a job. Not yet.

Anyways, my mom thought Madi B was a saint or at least a good kid. Plus on the other hand, Madi B would tell me if I ever told my mom anything or got her in trouble with her mom, she would stop being friends with me or say that I was lying and both moms would agree with her cause she's the 'good kid' and I'm the wild card. 

And, come on, lets face it. I didn't have enough friends to be able to lose one.