Mate I never wanted

Lunch tea has never been like this I

Vivian

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at the woman in front of me. Her smile was so kind and soft, but the gleam in her eyes told a different story. It told me that she would chew me and spit me out faster than I could blink if I let her.

Right now I am so thankful for my years in royal circles, because without them, I would probably have fallen for the soft smile she was feeding me.

Now it was clear why I was here.

She wanted to know about what Lucien was doing with me, what were his plans, so she could control him or something. I have seen my fair share of mothers like this, playing the puppet master to their children's lives. It always irked me but this was extra annoying as it involved Lucien.

"What do you want to know exactly?"

I knew acting stupid was a simple move, but it always worked the best insinuations like this.

"Tell me what has happened so far between my son and what your plans are for the future."

Wow, she surprised me here. I did not expect her to speak so openly.

"Why don't you ask Lucien directly then?"

If she was open, then I guess I meet her half way... well to some extent. I have no wish to die in the dungeons of the palace for disrespecting the empress.

To my surprise, a more honest and real smile bloomed on her face as she released a little chuckle.

"Oh, I would ask him, but the boy does not like to talk about meaningless things like feelings."

Sarcasm was dripping hard from her words as she looked at me, as if she was clearly trying to evaluate me. Well, in this case there was only one answer I could give her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you anything. It's not my place to talk about it if Lucien does not want to talk about it... I can't betray his trust like that. If you want personal information about delicate matters such as relationships, you will have to talk to him directly."

There was a slight hint of shock on her face as she stared at me after my words. I'm sure that she did not expect me to say something like this right out in the open. It's almost suicidal to not give the queen what she wants and I had a slight feeling of fear fill my chest as I stared at her, waiting for her true reaction to set in, to mys surprise and relief, it was another laugh.

"I guess you are right. It's wrong of me to ask you to betray Lucien's trust like that."

She stared at me for a moment more as I could see thoughts running through her mind.

"I'm happy that my boy got a mate that is so brave and protective of him."

Blush crept into my cheeks from her surprising complement.

"Thank you?"

I said, not sure how I should react to her words, but she just smiled and took a sip of her tea.

"Okay, as you are not going to gossip about Lucien, then how about you tell me about your plans?"

"After this? I'm returning to the academy. I still have a year left of studies."

Confused, I told her, but she just smiled and shook her head.

"No, I am not asking what you are going to do after tea. I want to know what your plans are regarding my son."

Okay, this was an even more dangerous question than before. I feel like I am in more danger now than I was when we were in active combat. I know that the same excuse I used for Lucien will not work and just refusing will not work either. Sure, she is in a good mood today, but everything has limits... so I did the only thing I could think of, and it was to tell the truth.

"I still think that we should not mate. The simple fact that I am not fit to be the next emperor's wife is too great to ignore. I have no family to back me up or royal blood to strengthen Lucien's claim to the throne. Our union would only damage his chances of successful succession."

The older woman released a tired breath.

"Sure, you may not have the royal blood, but I think that is a good thing. Mixing in fresh blood will make your pups a lot healthier and stronger. So, in my eyes, that is a strength and not a weakness. As for the family... You do have a family."

Confused, I shook my head.

"No, I don't. I am an orphan."

The older woman smiled at me with a very kind smile.

"You were an orphan, but you were adopted by the Cliffwind's."

"Yes, as a replacement for their daughter, that has now returned."

"But that does not change the fact that you are still their daughter."

Pain that I had been trying to ignore since the moment Margaret returned and the Cliffwind's resurfaced. I want to claim and stress that influenced my reaction, but I guess it just finally settled in. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Margaret pushed me out of their lives and there was no more place for me there, no matter how much I wanted to ignore this, I knew that it was the truth.

"They made it more than clear that I was not welcomed there anymore."

Before I knew it, I felt the soft palm on my cheek. The queen wiped the stray tears that were rolling down my cheek.

"Well, I can't speak for people that I do not know, but I highly doubt that they really could just discard a child they raised for ten years. I think they just feel confused and guilty in the eyes of their biological daughter. Because they literally gave up on looking for her and took in another child as a replacement for her. Sure it was to make the unbearable pain of loosing a child a bit more bearable... but I'm sure that they just feel guilty. Give it time, and I'm sure things will work themselves out."

The soft kind smile on her face warmed my broken heart, that I did not know that I was carrying.

"But I think that you meant that you do not have a family to back you up publicly, but you have to remember that after all these years, in the eyes of the public, you are still a Cliffwind. The Cliffwind's may not be a very strong powerhouse in politics, but it is a very well respected name among the royal families. So you do have a family, at least in the eyes of the public, not that it really matters to me. The only thing that matters to me is that you care for my son. It's the only thing that matters to me and I am sure that it is the only thing that matters to most of the kingdom... well, at least the good people that only want what's the best for their future emperor."

The kindness and hope in her smile and words warmed a part of my heart. I am not sure how, but she did make me feel a lot more hopeful for the future.

"Than... thank you."

I whispered as the older woman’s guard appeared from somewhere in the garden. He walked up to the queen, made a small bow and whispered something into her ear. The older woman nodded and shined a bright smile at me.

"Okay, thank you for letting me know."

She smiled at the guard, and after he was fat away enough, she explained what the situation was.

"Your brother is here to take you home."

Feeling a bit shocked, I stared at her.

"What? How? What? How did he know where to find me?"

"I'm not sure about that, he is here to take you home. And it is great because it’s about time for my meeting. Please think about what we talked about today.”

I gave a short to the queen and rose to my feet.

“Thank you for the tea, your highness.”

My whisper was barely hearable, but the other woman gave me a short nod indicating that she heard me.

Feeling even more nervous and confused than from when i first set foot in this place. Feeling lost and way too emotional, I walked in the direction the guard disappeared in. On the way there, I tripped on flower beds and my own feet as my mind raced to all the why's and how's regarding John finding me here, but it was all just overwhelming.