Mate I never wanted

One small pill

Vivian POV

As I took off running I tried to ignore the stares.

Most belonged to students that were curious as to why I had been called to the office, but those were easy to ignore... what was not easy to ignore was the stare of a certain silver-haired fox.

I am not sure where he was, but I could feel his eyes on me. It felt like my body recognized his eyes. There was no ignoring its effect on my body. I did my best to ignore him as well as everyone sele as I worked my way through the distance I had to finish. Running was not my favorite pastime activity, but I managed somehow to finish the mileage quite fast.

Sure, my lungs hurt, and my legs felt like they were made of jelly, but I finished and that is all that matters. The whole time I was running, I still felt his eyes on me, following my every move. I still had no idea where he was standing, but I was sure that he was watching me. And if I was honest, I wanted to show off to him, I wanted him to see that what he said did not affect me. That I did not care that he threatened me with one of the few things I cared about. That it did not make my stomach turn just from the thought that the orphanage would lose the funding and that a man that is supposed to be my mate would be so cruel as to threaten innocent children.

With these thoughts running loose in my head, I slowly made my way to the trainer that took me around as he shined a bright smile at me.

"Great job, you finished with one of the best times today, miss Vivian. You can now return to your dorms."

It was a nice surprise. I did not expect to finish so well. A part of me was very happy that he was here to witness my success and that I could rub it in his face. Feeling a lot lighter and happier, I nodded to the trainer in charge.

"Thank you sir."

As I walked back to the entrance, my eyes were drawn to the glass balcony on the second floor and that was where I saw him.

Lucien stood in all his glory. No matter how much I hated him... okay, no matter how much I wanted to hate him, I cannot deny that he looked too good to be real. His icy silver hair slicked back and almost completely covered under the hat. His uniform was most definitely custom-made, so it fit him like a glove. The uniform was not the most attractive thing and very few looked good in it and, to no surprise, Lucien was at the top of the very few. He looked like a model or someone stepping from the cover of a book and it was so annoying.

Why did he have to look so good… so attractive… why did one look at him made my stomach turn in a way that was so much stronger than what I ever felt for anyone else?

But there was one thing that made the blood in veins turn to ice. One thing that made lust that was rising in my stomach to die.

It was the look on his face.

For some reason the cold frown set on his face rubbed me off in the wrong way.

Probably because it showed the biggest difference between my silver-haired fox and the Ninth Prince of the empire.

During his heat, every time he looked at me there was a big, bright smile on his face. I guess over time I got used to seeing it. He was the only person that smiled like that when they saw me and the frown on Lucien's face was a constant reminder of that. It was almost mocking me.

As if he felt that I was looking at him, he turned away from the man he was talking to and met my eyes. We were really far away from each other, so it's almost impossible for me to tell if he really was even looking at me, but I felt his eyes returning to me and I could have sworn that there was a spark of something in his eyes when our eyes met. For a brief moment, it felt like it was my silver-haired fox looking at me and not the Ninth Prince.

I realized how much I wanted him to look at me like that again... how desperate I was for that... and... and self disgust mixed with anger filled me.

Mentally slapping myself, I rushed out of the training field.

Any sort of dream I had regarding that man has to die. In no reality can any sort of relationship develop between us.

If I let myself get pulled in by him, he will use me and leave me on the curb. I have seen it happen to so many non-royal women and even royal women, who play with men like Lucien. If you don't have a family that will protect you, there is no one to stand up for you or protect you. There is no one that will hold men like him accountable for their actions and they will do whatever they want.

I refuse to be one of them.

Walking to the dorms, I pulled out the tablet that the nurse gave me and I read through the side effects.

Side effects may include: nausea, low energy, migraines, unstable pheramones and hormone levels. To reduce the risk of pheromone spikes, it is best taken while being accompanied by a partner or a mate.

Spend time with a mate? As if that is happening. There is no way that I am asking for his help after what he did today.

I can and I will do it on my own. It can’t be that bad.

A ball of something I don't want to think about set in my stomach.

How great are the chances that I will get all of these while being in training tomorrow?

With my luck, all of them, not to mention the fact my pheromones and hormones are sensitive on a good day.

The next two days will suck.

Sure, the most logical thing to do was to ask for two days of leave, but it would put me so far behind in the scoring and I can't get expelled from the program.

I guess I will have to push through this. This may mean that I will have to use my mind more than my body. Good thing, I packed a few things that I have been tinkering with, but never had time to test them. It's a bit risky, but I refuse to fail. I will not let Lucien see that he affects me, nor I will let Cliffwind's see me fail. I have to come on top of all this.

The moment I opened the doors, I saw Rebeca waiting for me, while the other girls in the room were already asleep.

"Why are you still awake?"

I asked her as I toed off my shoes.

"I was waiting for you, duh."

She said it as it was a self-explanatory thing. I just shook my head, ignoring her as I started undressing. I knew that I had to shower, but my body was crying to lay down.

"So... where were you?"

While still ignoring her, I climbed to my bunk.

"I had a meeting, and now I am going to sleep as you should too. We have early training tomorrow."

She released an unhappy cat sound as she realized that I would not explain myself anymore. My lower body had already started to cramp and I had to control myself not to release a sound. It felt like I was being stabbed by multiple rusted knifes at the same time.

Shit, this will be rough.

That night I did not fall asleep, which was really bad, because this was the second day without sleep. It's going to make today's training extra bad. Mix that with the side effects of the pill and you will have yourselves a freaking nightmare of a day.

I dragged myself out of bed before any of the girls woke up and dragged myself to the attached bathroom just so I could shower first. My shower time might have been spent curled up in a ball on the floor, but the warm water made the cramps a bit better.

When I walked out of the bathroom, Rebecca was already up and she was holding something in her hands with a confused look on her face.

"Vivian, did you take these?"

Embarrassed, I grabbed the packet out of her hands and pushed it into the pocket of my robe.

"It's none of your business."

"Vivian... as a wolf hybrid... it will be hell for you today. They affect hormones and pheromones, your wolf will go crazy. Do you want me to call the teachers and say that you are sick?"

"No I will be fine."

"But Vivian..."

"Rebecca stop. I can't take time off. You know that. I will fall back and I won't be able to catch up."

Her face told me that she was not buying it, but then her face just softened.

"If you say so..."

I turned to my bag that I had not unpacked yesterday when she said.

"Oh there was a parcel delivered to you while you were in the bathroom."