Fated to be together or not [COMPLETED]

The wound

“Nix.”

I never knew one word can have the effect of killing you. Not until now. I can feel darkness falling around me. I know how heartless I am because hearing all this and I am still alive. My heart is still beating.

She was not my blood, but I started seeing her as my own. I was looking forward to taking care of her, send her to school, college. Seeing myself grilling her boyfriend and then walking her down the aisle.

She couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see her either. I will never be able to hold her. I will never have someone to call mine. No one will even call me Daddy. How much am I going to lose in this f**king life? Am I born to lose only?

And Emma took the opportunity to go for the killing blow. She showed me her pic.

She is so beautiful. She has golden hair just like Nicolle, straight and her skin is milky. Her skin looks softer than a flower. I just looked at the pic and lost it.

Her eyes were closed, and she was covered in white. I held my forehead and looked at the ground breathing heavily. What was her eye color? How did she feel? I will never know.

“Nicolle was in so much stress that Sia couldn’t save her. She was premature and was born a month back. She died a few hours later. I thought you should know, so I came here.” That’s why Aunty was trying to talk to me. s**t, my baby girl died and I didn’t even know.

I was in no condition to reply to her. What was I supposed to say? Thanks for informing me that my daughter died. Or should I be angry at her for delivering such brutal news to me.

If I was not informed, I might have lived with the fact that she/he is somewhere safe and happy. But then, if I were to find later that she is no more, how would I have reacted?

I don't think I can work anymore. I went to the room which I have reserved for me nowadays and asked Alan to bring whiskey for me.

I drank for the whole night as I was unable to hold myself. I asked Alan to take care of Emma and drop her off at her hotel or wherever she is staying. I looked at my hand. I can see the scar I got that day. It reminded me that even after begging, she didn’t accept me. It reminded me that I had to leave her that day, and today my daughter is no more.

When I came to Seattle 5 months back, I had a nasty infection and I am lucky my hand is still attached to my body. Doctors told me that there may be a chance they might cut it. But they managed to save me.

If Nicolle was here, maybe I would be able to save Nix. Maybe she would be alive. Imagine 1 month old Nix, playing in my arms and looking at me. Her face was coming to my mind again and again. She is so beautiful. F**k, she was so beautiful, and my eyes were full of tears realizing the change.

She went from She is to She was. I screamed when reality hit me and dropped on the floor and cried my eyes out. How am I going to live with this now?

I want to hate her but can’t. I threw the bottle and opened another one. I know I will be getting a nasty headache tomorrow, but I am ready for it. I want to inflict physical pain because the pain in my heart is too much for me to take.

When will the pain in my heart end? I am too tired now and I can’t take it anymore. I never thought I would think of ending my life before 35, but at this moment, I am thinking of finishing it.

Why did she throw me out of her life? Am I that bad? If I was there, I don’t think I would have let that happen. And even if it was inevitable, we would have been together to bear this pain. I took another pack and kept on drinking till I passed out.

I woke up with a heavy headache and my hand was throbbing. Seeing the blood, I realized I stabbed my hand once again yesterday night, when I was drunk. Great. I called Alan and he came to my room running.

“What’s the rush?” I asked, groaning with the headache and the pain in my hand.

“You know Sir, how bad it was a few months back. You should visit the hospital.”

“No, you are doing stitches, like the last time. And if I see signs of infection, I will visit the hospital.”

He started with the stitches and I hissed with pain. It’s too painful. s**t.

“Please let me use local anesthesia.”

“NO.” I roared and he knew he couldn't argue more. He resumed his work and I bent my head backwards. It’s so f**king dreadful that I am groaning with pain. I can’t let my groans escape so I bit my lips hoping to silence my pain.

But the agony which I have in my heart is what is killing me the most. Why the hell did she let me go that day. It was f**king hard to forget her and Emma has once again left me in the same place where I was 5 months back.

I feel I am standing on the door and begging her. But this time, I have the corpse of my daughter in my hand.

I am breathing heavily and unable to control my emotions. Thank God Alan finished his work quickly and left. Before leaving he promised me that I will not touch my wound again. As if I am going to listen.

I took the phone in another hand and sent a message to Emma. I remembered this morning that there is one thing I need to do.

“Hi Emma, Alex this side.” I got a call seconds later. It was Emma.

“Hi Emma. How are you?”

“I am good, and you?”

“Still alive, if that’s what you mean. See how heartless I am. Still alive, knowing I will never see my daughter, never hold her in my hand.” I replied roughly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just.”

“I understand Alex. It’s tough. Should I send Nix’s video? She was alive for a few hours.”

“NO.” I screamed. Then let out a breath. “No, I don’t want to see her. I am hardly picking myself up and can't bear the shattering of my heart again. I need your help with some other matter though.”

A tear slipped my eye. Nix, remembering the name. It was the name I gave to the teddy bear which I gave her on Valentine's Day and Nicolle told me she is never going to let me name the kids.

“I am sorry about what happened Alex. But Nicolle is also a mess here. All this time, the only expression she had was hopelessness. She is a lost cause without you. I don’t know why she did that, but she is no good.”

“Emma, please stop.” But no, she continued, poking the wound which never healed.

“No Alex, you should hear it. From the past 5 months, I only saw her crying. Sia, uncle, aunty, Max, me we all tried to help her. We tried our best, but she never laughed. From the last 5 months, she never even smiled.”

“Emma...” I can’t see straight because of the tears.

“And on top of that, Nicolle never touched her. She just told us the name when she came to know it was a girl.”

I can’t listen to anything else so I had to yell.

“EMMA, just shut up and listen to me. I am not at all interested in what the hell is wrong with Nicolle or how she is doing. She made it pretty clear that day what she wanted. I have no strength left to feel that all over again. I don’t want to see her again. I hate her.” I let out a heavy sigh and hung up the call.

Nicolle has been crying for the past 5 months. She named her Nix. I threw my phone and sat on my chair