Crown of Smoke

Chapter 16

        It soon became clear to Gwen that Anthony was actually a very pleasant person. Over breakfast, he provided her with anecdotes about how, because of his father, he had moved all over Colvine and had even spent a brief stint of time in Eldun. Gwen smiled in the right places and nodded her head. She tried to listen when he mentioned how he had visited her school and when he told a story about the fishmonger throwing his father out of his store when he dared to suggest that it was not up to standard. She laughed a little, but her heart wasn’t in it. She felt guilty, especially when she caught Briar’s eyes pleading with her to get out of her head and back into the room, Anthony was important.

            But Hayden’s expression, his watery eyes, and the way he had said her name, not Guinevere in his usual disdain, but that choked ‘Gwen’ that begged her for forgiveness. That look had kept her awake all night and her anxiety was only heightened when he once again refused to show up for breakfast. Harry mentioned he had seen him on the way to the bathroom looking worse for wear that morning, but it didn’t stop Gwen’s own nervous nausea.

            “Does anyone fancy a ride this afternoon?” Briar asked the table, folding her napkin from her lap and setting it aside her plate as two servants quickly flocked her and took it all away.

            “Do I not need more lessons?” Gwen asked with a grin, her mood suddenly lifted by the thought of not having to spend all day indoors trying to memorize things she was fairly certain were all useless. Harry chuckled across from her.

            “We concluded that perhaps our resident bookworm would be more suited to giving you lessons, assuming you don’t kill him in the process,” Briar winked, “but seeing as he is indisposed today, I thought perhaps you might enjoy the breath of fresh air.”

            Gwen nodded so eagerly her hair fell from her bun, strands covering her sparkling eyes. Anthony and Harry, although not quite as enthusiastic as Gwen, also agreed to go for a ride, although they had to stay close enough to the estate that the four of them wouldn’t be caught altogether. Apparently noble children hardly ever mingled, let alone with strangers who could possibly be conceived as commoners and the sight of Gwen with them, even when the kingdom didn’t know her identity, would cause a scandal.

            Harrison had given her an old riding dress of his mother’s in a rich maroon color with a matching cloak lined with fur that would shield her from the strong winds that had decided to shake the leaves of the trees that morning. There were a few grey clouds overhead, but not enough to cause them any worry, they decided. The rain would come tonight and the fresh air would be worth it even if they did catch the first few drops.

            Gwen was making her way back upstairs to find Briar to borrow some riding boots when she saw Hayden. Harry had been right, he looked rough. His eyes had dark circles under them and his hair was a mess. He stank of vomit, but as Gwen approached him she saw his lips form a small, pitiful smile that made her stop short. His eyes raked her up and down and she felt the blush rising to her cheeks.

            “We’re going out with the horses, seeing as you’re indisposed today.”

            “I know, Harry told me. I like that color on you.” He paused, his brow furrowing. “Why are you being so defensive?”

            “I’m not.” She replied, defensively.

            He laughed. “If you say so.”

            She sighed, traipsing past him, her skirts trailing behind her on the stairs. She could feel his eyes on her back, and she had to force herself not to turn around and meet his gaze.

            “Woah there, princess.” Anthony was at the top of the stairs, right as Gwen missed the last stair and almost fell flat onto her face. Her nose was about to land on the marble floor just as Ant caught her, his hands around her torso as he lifted her up. His fingertips were cold as they took her own, and she noticed he was already fully dressed. “We can’t have you unable to ride, not when I’ve just finished saddling your girl up.”

            “I thought Briar had people to do that for us?” Gwen said, annoyed at how much of a snob she sounded.

        Anthony didn’t say anything though, just turning his head a little to the side and observing her. She was still flushed from seeing Hayden, but Anthony had a calm presence. She realized she hadn’t even minded him calling her princess. It wasn’t said with a sneer or surprise; it was just how he thought of her. She almost laughed at the fact he thought that after her behavior the day before, but looking into his kind brown eyes made her think there was nothing funny about the way he saw her at all. She was suddenly very aware that one of his hands was still resting on her arm.

        “In the military, you’re trained to deal with your own horses. It was actually one of the parts which I enjoyed, believe it or not.” He smiled at her but his eyes were elsewhere, back home or in his training. They were wistful and sad, despite his smile.

        “What was your horses' name?” Gwen asked.

        “Gulliver,” he grinned. “He was a brute, one of the biggest horses there was.”

        “Gulliver is a very fancy name of a horse.” Gwen smiled back at him, beginning to make her way to Briar’s room, quietly delighted at the way Anthony followed her lead. He held his hand so it hovered protectively just behind her lower back, poised and ready for her to fall again.

        Briar’s room was as it had been the two days before, and Gwen happily planted herself on the bed whilst Anthony stood a little awkwardly at the door, watching Briar force a pair of mahogany riding boots onto Gwen’s feet as she laughed hysterically at Briar’s strained facial expressions before giving up once the boot had gotten onto one of her feet.

        “We have the same boot size this should not be that hard!” She huffed, taking a seat leaning against the bed.

        “Do you need some help?” Anthony asked.

        “Why are you all being so loud?” Harry asked, passing Anthony and joining Gwen on Briar’s bed, catching her smile and matching it. “You know Gwen; I think that’s the first genuine smile I’ve seen you do.”

        “Has it really taken this long?” She asked.

        “Clearly we’re all terrible company.” He teased.

        “I’d say it’s more due to the more pleasant people being in the room.” Briar quipped, gearing herself back up to force the next shoe onto Gwen’s other foot, but Anthony took it from her quickly, loosening the laces before she could start. It slipped on much more easily and Briar glared at him. “Or at least I thought so.”

        “Common sense doesn’t make me a Hayden-level smart arse.” Anthony rolled his eyes. “Come on, the horses are saddled up and Gwen might boil to death if she sits inside in that cloak for much longer.”

        Gwen smirked, taking his hand he offered her to help her up from her lying down position and off of the bed before following everyone outside.

        She was grateful for the wind the moment she stepped outside. Briar had gardens, but for such a large estate they were considered small and Gwen had hardly ventured out to them. They had no need for a large garden when the woods were so full, according to Briar’s parents. Gwen hadn’t really been outside much since she had arrived, and the crisp air was welcomed into her lungs with deep breaths.

        She was glad to be riding the horse she had arrived in, stroking her nose softly before throwing her leg over her saddle and sitting aboard, glad for the familiarity of the horse underneath her. She certainly wasn’t sitting as elegantly as the others were, but she didn’t care about her appearance for once. She was glad to be doing something she knew how to do without a doubt. Her shoulders went back instinctively and she grasped the reins between her hands.

        Briar led their way out of the paddock and onto the path. The forests weren’t nearly as foreboding as they had been when Gwen arrived, although the daylight helped with that. The leaves were surprisingly still green, but the beginnings of cooler weather had begun to tinge their edges with orange. The parts of the sky which poked through the gaps between them showed a pale grey sky, with darker edges on some clouds which threatened rain. The trees stopped some of the wind from the impending storm though, meaning Gwen could ride with her hood down and not feel too cold with the wind pulling her hair back from her face.

        They began slowly, trudging into the woods enough that no one would see them before Briar broke her horse into a gallop, letting the others chase her laughter as she rode through the trees. Harry wasn’t far behind her, shouting threats of catching her up as she squealed and laughed. Anthony was in front of Gwen, keeping his horse’s pace up but checking back over his shoulder to make sure the team didn’t lose her. Gwen was touched by the gesture, but she still felt she had to prove herself. This was her arena. This was where she could shine.

        She kicked her horse and winked at Ant as she shot past him, laughing at the way his mouth gaped open for just a second before he laughed, the sound booming off of the trees. He probably could have overtaken her if he’d really tried, but instead, he rode just behind her as she caught up to Harry and Briar. Both of their hairs were flowing behind them, Briar’s a swirling river of black and Harry’s held together in a single ribbon at the nape of his neck, a stream of gold in the wind, even in the dull light.

        There was a clearing covered in grass and lavender. Despite the fact some of the lavender was beginning to die, the clearing was beautiful. Now they began to slow, Gwen could hear the sounds of birds and bugs all around them, making their way between branches to sign to one another in unexplainably sweet harmony.

        Briar stopped and panting, she stepped down off of her horse. She guided the animal to a pond just through the trees where the horse drank gratefully. Harry jumped down and followed her and although Gwen hadn’t heard him, Anthony had come down from his horse and was offering her his hand to help her down. She hesitated only for a moment before taking his cold hands in her own and climbing down.

        “Is this your way of charming me?” She asked him, a sly smirk playing on her lips although she dared not to look at him. Her eyes darted to the pond and decided Briar and Harry were just out of earshot.

        “Ch-charming you?” Anthony pulled at his collar and gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing in the process.

        “Had you forgotten your reason for being bought here?” Gwen asked him. “I thought you were meant to be my suitor?”

        Anthony coughed.

        “Unless you’ve changed your mind?” Gwen pried, seemingly unable to stop herself. She needed to know, for some reason she couldn’t place, what their relationship was. Maybe it was because she still felt unsure about Hayden, about how he was using her for his own good. Briar and Harry seemed her friends, but there was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that kept on telling her over and over that they also had their own agendas when it came to her. They wanted her in power, friends or not. Just like Hayden did.

            “In all honesty, your highness,” he muttered, “I thought you weren’t particularly keen on the idea.”

            Gwen felt a twinge of guilt.

            “It wasn’t you that I wasn’t keen on, Anthony,” she said softly. “It was the fact Hayden hadn’t told me. All I want is honesty, I’m just struggling to find it at the moment.” Her gaze involuntarily drifted to the pond for just long enough that Ant was able to catch it. His stance softened easily. He wasn’t a soldier in front of a princess then, just a boy standing in front of a girl.

            “Well, I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t me that you didn’t have the issue with.” He smiled a shy smile, the expression lighting up his face in a way that once she summoned the courage to look it was so blinding that she had to turn away. “I think the horses need something to drink, come on.” He brushed her arm gently guiding her towards the pond where Briar was teasing Harrison.

            “So you’re telling me you didn’t snog Milo in the bushes at my last party?” She said, one eyebrow raised. Harry’s eyes were wide and he choked a little before answering.

            “I’m not…I mean…” He took his hair between his fingers, closely examining the tangled ends of his ponytail. “We might have been near the bushes at some point, but honestly I couldn’t tell you where it was we were.” He smiled to himself. As open as he seemed to be, Gwen could tell there were some things he held closer to him that he didn’t want everyone to know everything about. But there was a quiet joy in him when he spoke to Briar about Milo like maybe he wanted to share more.

            “Milo is can be an awful snob.” Briar snorted, making Harry’s face fall. Gwen shot her a look and she stopped herself from continuing.

            “He’s on our side, though.” Gwen chirped, squeezing Harry’s arm.

            “He is?” Anthony sounded a little too surprised. Gwen tapped the back of his ankles with her foot and he stood straight again. “I mean, who else do we have?”

            Briar sighed.

            “It’s a little pitiful at the moment, we’ve really only just begun to cover the east side of Colvine.”

            “The east side isn’t a bad to start.” Ant shrugged, “you’ll get around to the capital soon enough but you need momentum first and I think you’re doing well so far.” He grinned. “Besides, if Gwen and I get married then the whole military is on your side, and who’s going to fight Kaleb’s war for him?”

            Gwen met Briar’s eyes. Briar raised a single eyebrow in questioning. Gwen didn’t know how to respond. If Gwen and I get married. Her skin tingled and the wind felt colder now against her goosebumps. She shivered, unable to detangle her emotions, the good mixing with the bad. She still wasn’t in love with the idea of marrying for political gain, but at least a part of her had come to terms with the idea of it. Ant was an appealing choice as well. He had proven himself kind and protective and there were definitely worse characteristics to be found in a husband, not to mention that he was handsome.

            “The war will be a clear point to bring up not only to the nobles but the working class.” Harry cut in, his eyes lingering on Gwen as though he could read her mind. She pulled her cloak tighter around her, as though that might shield her from his eyes, but a blush patching her skin from her neck to her cheeks gave her away.

            “Oh of course, but it’s the nobles we need to impress first,” Briar said idly, a hand dismissing Harry and the other stroking the horse’s mane.

            “But the working class have the majority!” Harry said, annoyed like he has explained it a thousand times. Gwen recalled the pyramid from the textbook he and Hayden had shown her on their way to Briar’s house, wondering if their timing had been deliberate. “In Eldun Hayden said that people responded to the idea of having a queen who would advocate for them.”

            “Well of course they would but a queen-“

            “Is for everyone,” Anthony sighed. “Harry’s right.”

            “Can you say that again, louder this time?”

            “No.” Anthony rolled his eyes as Harry beamed. Briar pouted but only for a second. “What do you think, Gwen?”

            Gwen’s eyes widened. “What do I think?”

            Briar smiled sympathetically. “I don’t think she’s used to that question.”

            Gwen blushed and shook her head, her eyes drifting to the ground as she felt the burning sensation of their looks.

            “Gwen was raised in a village, she lived a normal life.” Harry sighed, leaning up against his horse, who barely batted an eyelid. “She must see the importance of the common people.”

            “We’d know if you let her speak,” Anthony smirked. Gwen looked up and it shifted to an encouraging smile when his eyes met hers. It did nothing to help with the blushing, but she appreciated it all the same.

            She took a deep breath before beginning.

            “I’ve actually thought about it, a little.” She began tentatively. “I see both sides, but I do believe that the power lies far beyond the nobility. The people are the ones who are providing the resources, the ones who are doing the work for everyone else.” Briar’s brows raised, clearly having not considered this before. Harry nodded. “I think if the palace lost them, and their support then they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.”

            “But-“ Briar tried to counter. Anthony held his hand up and turned back to Gwen.

            “How long have you been thinking about this?” He asked her.

            “Since I saw how Harry’s estate worked,” Gwen admitted, letting herself look quickly at Harry who rather than scolding her as she had expected, only chuckled to himself and nodded. The moment she saw how reliant Harry had been not only on the farmers but also on Potter and his other staff, she had realized that not even the lower end of the mobility would survive without the efforts of the working class. She herself had become too reliant already on Briar’s maids to have her things ready to bathe in the mornings and she scolded herself every time she caught herself.

            “Hayden will be very surprised.” He smiled.

            “He had the same idea, years ago.” Briar shook her head. “None of us listened to him, though.”

            “He did?”

            “It wasn’t always about finding you, princess.” Anthony winked at her. “It’s just about revolution for Hayden.”

            Gwen nodded. She always knew she was just a figurehead to him. He needed her to make his point that there were other options, but she wasn’t meant to have her own thoughts. But after last night and now finding out that maybe their heads were in the same place about how to achieve what they wanted, perhaps he might be able to finally start seeing her as something more. Maybe she could be more of a part of the team and not be married off at the first opportunity. Maybe Hayden will realize she has a voice that can be used, or not used. Maybe she won’t be needed and get to go home.

            Home. Would they welcome her back, knowing that she wasn’t really who they thought she was? Her parents had raised herm she didn’t for a moment doubt their love for her, but Blaine? The rest of the village? It was anxiety she knew was probably irrational, but even if they accepted her back as one of their own, there would be a lingering sense of not belonging. She wondered if this was the real reason her parents never let her leave Eldun. Once you see how large the world could really be, there was no reason to go back and retreat back into your own corner.

            Briar took a deep breath.

            “I think we should begin to head back towards the house.” She said, pulling her horse around and back over to the clearing to mount it. Briar was bothered, Gwen could tell, but by what exactly she couldn’t say for certain. She tried to find an answer in Harry or Ant, but both boys shrugged at her in defeat and followed Briar back towards the grass.

            Watching their backs, Gwen realized that although she hadn’t known them for long, if she were to leave she would miss all of them, even Hayden. Especially Hayden. He was a complete pain, but he also cared about things so much. Before she had met him, Gwen hadn’t even realized it was possible to care that much about anything.

            She mounted her horse, trying to let her thoughts blow away in the breeze, focusing her mind on the horse and the path. She kept quiet all the ride home, even with Ant constantly looking back and checking up on her. She suddenly felt like her purpose was lost, even if it was one that she had only had for a short time, it was gone to her. She dreaded seeing Hayden, how he would probably dismiss her and send her home, maybe letting Harry ride her back if she was lucky.

            When her horse’s hooves met the crunch of the gravel once again, Gwen kept her head down. She didn’t want to marvel at the grandeur anymore if she was doomed to go back to her old life.

            But when Hayden came sprinting down the path with a letter in his hand, even Gwen couldn’t help but lookup.