Ready For Love?

Chapter 3

“I doubt they are that bad. I bet you're a great mom.” Fire mumbled, and I started to wonder if her jaw was alright.

Not that she would let me take her to the hospital... For a mum, that’s so frustrating. Every fiber of my being wants to take her straight there.

And from what I could see, she was bruised quite badly down one side of her face, split lip, probably a broken nose. A cut in her hairline somewhere that had dripped blood down her face AND bloody hands. I’m not sure about the rest of her other than there is a lot of blood all over her.

Maybe I should just drive there and apologize later. You know that saying, better to ask for forgiveness than permission... I think. or have I got it all mixed up again? Certainly not the first time.

I gave her a large smile. “Don’t say that in front of my daughter when she is having a melt down about a missing shoe that she put away, yet it is supposedly still my fault.”

She gave a small laugh and winced.

“Sorry. You OK? You sure I can’t stop and get anything or take you to the hospital? Like plllleeeassseee let me take you to the hospital?”

She gave another small laugh at my face as she shook her head and winced. “We’re nearly there and Doc should be there too.” She went silent for a moment. “You divorced?”

Ahhhhh… I took a deep breath. It was still hard to say some days. “No. Widowed.” My chest tightened slightly as I said it.

“I’m sorry.” She quickly replied.

I didn’t look at her and just nodded and took a deep breath. “Thanks. Some days I say it was gods way of giving him a break from my nagging and bad sense of humor.”

She looked at me with shock before she let out a snort, but winced before letting out a small whimper, touching her jaw.

“Sorry! You OK?” Damn.

I have to stop cracking jokes. I know Cam would get a kick out of that joke. He had a bad sense of humor like me. That was one of the many reasons why he was my soul mate.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. Sorry about asking.” Her voice was a bit more normal, but I was still worried about her jaw thanks to that bruising that was turning darker.

“Don’t be! It can still be hard even after 5 years, but things happen. Life happens and bad drivers happen. He died in a car accident. Bad driver took out two cars at high speed. Both my husband and another man in another vehicle died. The cars were a mess, there was no way they could have survived.” Or at least come out of it with a lot of issues for the rest of their lives.

Cam was an active person, he would have preferred it this way rather than being stuck in a wheelchair or severely brain-damaged. That’s what I told myself. It makes it a bit easier.

I know he really wouldn’t have wanted to leave the kids and I, though…. But sometimes you don’t have a choice. Life gives you a s**t sandwich, and you have to eat it.

I see her looking at my hand where my rings used to be. “This one is my wedding ring.” I showed her my right hand and the ring on my ring finger. “I put it on the other hand only a month ago, right after the anniversary. My engagement ring is locked up for when my kids are older. It’s my way of pretending I MIGHT be ready to date again.”

“So you’re not ready yet?” It was more of a statement than a question, but I still answered it.

I shrugged. “Honestly, I now know why dad hasn’t dated after my mum died. When you have had a great love. Had your soul mate. It just… I don’t know… it’s just hard to make that leap. I know Cam would want me to move on. He would probably be telling me I’m an i***t for not putting on a cute dress, shaking my ass and at least trying to go on some dates. I’ll get there.... and I honestly don't have any cute dresses anyway.”

“Do you think there’s something else holding you back? Like your kids?” Wow, we are really getting into it, but it's keeping her out of her head and distracted.

And it's honestly something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

“It’s probably them and also the fact that I’m nearly twice the size I was when we dated. Before the kids, I will admit it, I had a killer body and used to love attention. My body changed dramatically, taking on a LOT of fluid when I was pregnant, and I’ve never been able to really kick the weight. Cam still loved my body and was always a frisky s**t who practically humped my leg as soon as the kids were in bed.” That made her chuckle and wince again. “But I just don’t feel or think I look sexy anymore, I suppose. I don’t have the confidence. I keep saying I will go to the gym, but I honestly don’t have the time as I work when the kids are at school, so instead, I try walking and running when the kids are doing their sports, but then get in trouble for not watching. They are still too young to leave home alone, well in my eyes. I’m probably a bit over the top protective… actually I know I am.” OK, now I am really over sharing. “Do you have siblings?”

“No. Just me.” She shook her head. “Well, actually I could have. My mum took off when I was about seven, and we haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. She was a b***h and I never liked her.” She shrugged.

She was so nonchalant about it, and it really made me sad when I heard stories like that. I just wanted to hug her again.

Yeah, I'm a huger, get over it.

“With some the maternal instincts, just don’t kick in, I’m afraid. I really hope you never took it personally and realized you did nothing wrong.”

She looked at me like she was trying to read me before she nodded. “Did you struggle when you had your kids?”

“f**k yeah! I was scared shitless I would be a crap mum. Honestly, I was scared of kids before I had them. Didn’t know what to say to them, how to interact with them. You would have thought I had never been a kid.” She held the side of her face as she laughed. “Cam really wanted kids, so I agreed. When they were born, I will be honest, I wasn’t instantly in love, but I was instantly protective and wanted to make sure they would never want for a single thing. Don’t know if it was because of the shock after going through the whole, pushing out a massive watermelon from my vjay-jay...” that really had her laughing and whimpering at the same time. “Could’ve been… and I did go through postpartum depression after my son, but that is now going way beyond me over sharing and talking way too much.” Like WAY WAY too much.

She had a glint in her eye and a smirk on her face. “I like you.”

I was honestly taken aback by that, but flattered as well. I know my double chin definitely showed big time when my head whipped back a bit and I looked at her. “You flatter me young lady. I like you too.”

We were coming to the edge of town now, and I saw up ahead a few buildings on a large fenced-in lot that went way back behind the trees. It made me a bit uneasy.... especially with all the motorbikes out the front of the large main building that looked like a shed with windows and a door.

Annnnnnddddddd…. Unfortunately, that is where my phone was telling me where to go.

Yay me!