The Bully’s Blind Spot

Chapter 18

SOPHIE

I can't breathe.

River's car is parked two blocks away from Jake's house, and I'm sitting in the passenger seat with my knees pulled up to my chest, trying to stop shaking.

"This is why I didn't want to come," I say, and my voice sounds raw. Broken. "This is exactly why."

River doesn't say anything. He just sits there with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the center console, close enough that I know he's there but not touching me. Giving me space to fall apart.

"I'm nothing but a joke to these people," I continue, and the words come out choked. "That's all I've ever been. That's all I'll ever be."

"Sophie—"

"No." I shake my head, wiping at my face even though the tears won't stop. "You don't get it. You think I haven't tried? You think I *like* being like this?"

"I never said—"

"You know as well as anybody that I've been on so many diets," I say, and my voice cracks. "So many. I would *love* to lose weight, River. I would love to be normal. To be like the other girls. But it doesn't matter what I do. I could eat nothing but carrots all day long and I'd still be overweight."

River's quiet for a moment. Then he says, softly, "Your body isn't a moral failure, Sophie."

"Tell that to them," I snap. "Tell that to Marcus and Tyler and everyone else who thinks I'd be hot if I just lost fifty pounds. Tell that to Nathan, who stood there and said *nothing* while his friends tore me apart."

The mention of Nathan makes my chest ache in a way I wasn't expecting.

"I thought maybe he was different," I whisper. "After the community center. After he saw me actually *doing* something instead of just being the girl he made fun of. I thought maybe he was starting to see me as a person."

"He should have," River says quietly.

"But he didn't." I press my palms against my eyes, trying to stop the tears. "He just stood there. And his silence felt like agreement. Like he was saying, 'Yeah, you're right. She's a joke. She's not worth defending.'"

River reaches over and gently pulls my hands away from my face. "Sophie. Look at me."

I do, even though it hurts.

"What they said tonight was cruel," River says. "And Nathan's silence was cruel. You're allowed to be angry about that. You're allowed to be hurt."

"I'm so tired of being hurt," I say, and my voice breaks completely. "I'm so tired of trying to be acceptable. Of trying to be enough. I'm not normal, River. I'm not like the other girls. And no matter what I do, I never will be."

"Good," River says, and his voice is fierce. "Because 'normal' is overrated. And those girls? They're not better than you just because they fit into a smaller size."

"But they get to exist without apologizing for it," I say. "They get to go to parties and wear clothes that fit and not have people make comments about how much weight they need to lose. They get to just... *be*."

"So do you," River says.

"No, I don't." I shake my head. "Tonight proved that. I tried to just *be*, and look what happened."

River's quiet for a long moment. Then he says, "You're right. Tonight was awful. And I'm sorry I pushed you to go."

"It's not your fault—"

"I know," he interrupts gently. "But I'm still sorry. Because you deserved better than that. You deserved to show up and have fun and not get torn apart by people who don't know the first thing about you."

My phone buzzes in my lap. I glance down and see Chloe's name on the screen.

**Chloe:** I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

I stare at the message for a moment, then lock my phone without responding.

"Chloe?" River asks.

"Yeah."

"You gonna answer her?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. "She defended me tonight. But where was she every other time? Where was she when Nathan made jokes about Dad? Where was she when I was eating lunch alone in the library because I couldn't handle the cafeteria?"

"She wasn't there," River says quietly. "And that's on her."

"But now she feels guilty," I say. "And I'm supposed to what? Forgive her because she finally noticed I exist?"

"You don't have to do anything," River says. "Not tonight. Not until you're ready."

I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.

"I just want to go home," I whisper.

"Okay," River says. "Let's get you home."

---

River walks me to my front door even though I tell him he doesn't have to.

"I'm not leaving you alone right now," he says firmly. "Not after tonight."

Mom's car isn't in the driveway, which means she's still at work. I'm grateful for that. I don't think I could handle her questions right now.

"You gonna be okay?" River asks as I unlock the door.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "But I'll survive."

"Text me if you need anything," River says. "I don't care what time it is."

"I will."

He pulls me into a hug, and I let myself lean into it for a moment. Let myself be held by someone who actually sees me.

"You're not a joke, Sophie," River says quietly. "And anyone who thinks you are doesn't deserve to know you."

I nod against his shoulder, even though I'm not sure I believe him.

When he finally lets go, I step inside and close the door behind me.

The house is quiet. Empty. Safe.

I drop my bag on the floor and head upstairs to my room, peeling off the clothes that felt so good this morning and now just feel like a costume. Like I was trying to be someone I'm not.

I pull on one of Dad's old shirts—the ones Mom keeps telling me to get rid of—and climb into bed.

My phone buzzes again. Another text from Chloe. One from Avery asking if I'm okay.

I don't answer either of them.

Instead, I stare at the ceiling and replay the night over and over. The way Marcus and Tyler circled me. The way that guy said I'd be hot if I lost fifty pounds. The way Nathan just stood there and said nothing.

I thought maybe things were changing. Thought maybe I was changing.

But tonight proved that no matter what I wear or how confident I try to be, some people will always see me as less than.

And the worst part is, I'm starting to believe them.

My phone buzzes one more time. I almost ignore it, but then I see River's name.

**River:** You're not alone. Even when it feels like you are. I'm here. Avery's here. And we're not going anywhere.

I read the message three times before I finally respond.

**Me:** Thank you.

**River:** Always, babe. Always.

I set my phone on my nightstand and pull the blanket up to my chin.

I'm exhausted. Hurt. Angry. Uncertain.

But River's right about one thing: I'm not alone.

And tonight, that's the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely.