TO KILL IS TO SERVE

Chapter 38: The Truth (3)

“Mister Kenshin gave his and mine’s letter to him, so he got to read mine as well. It was utter chaos that day, to be honest.” She added and turned her eyes to the crowd. The letter she was pertaining must be the suicide letters of Hanie. “Manasseh and his family used to travel every summer two years ago and last year, when the thing between Hanie and I happened, he just got back from Greece.”

So Manasseh had the letter first? No, actually, Mister Park had it first.  My eyes glinted when I started to consider that Mister Park probably did something to tamper the letter written by his so-called daughter who’s actually his niece. I don’t fully know him and his cunning personality yet but f**k it, when he dared to mock me and my dignity as an assassin by hiring me to kill an innocent lady; he’s already proved himself as dirty as a pig to me. That’s too much consideration from me. Pig’s cleaner than a fucker like him.        

“I see. So he did not see how you and Hanie argued?” I asked and Alora swiftly turned to me, with a big question mark and teasing smile on her face. “What?”

“What the heck do you mean argue? Do you think we’re in some sort of drama?” She laughed, for real this time, and slightly punched my arm. “Silence means yes, right?” And she laughed again, out loud and nonstop.

Fuck? I looked at her, thunderstruck. So the intense scenario I had in my head whilst reading the letter did not happen at all? I tilted my head and waited for her to finish making fun of my question and poor imagination.

“So?”

“We did not argue! We did not even exchange too many lines.” She answered and wiped her tears of f*****g joy while uttering apologies for laughing too much. If it’s this easy to make her laugh, I could go all year—however, I am a f*****g assassin and this is our last day together.

“What exactly happened, then?” I asked.

 “I wonder what scene did you think of—”

“What the hell happened?” I cut her off before she could continue her joke. She giggled a bit and apologized again. I have no plan on telling her what happened inside my head.

Alora sighed and opened her mouth to start her storytelling again, “The two of us were eating lunch in her house and a question about me liking Manasseh suddenly sprung up. She asked if I really like him and I did not hang back and said yes. You know, no more dillydally, shillyshally.”

The hell is with her vocabulary? I stopped myself from asking and just nodded.

“She asked me if I can’t give him up, because she thinks she’s in love with him more than I do and I put my spoon down, drank my glass empty, and faced her with a face I am sure you haven’t seen before…”

“Let me see it now, the—”

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes and I chuckled. “Anyway, non compos mentis, I told her ‘is it better for someone to die than to ask her friend if she can give something up for her? Because that’s bullshit’.” She bit her lower lip as she waits for my reaction. "That's non-verbatim, I guess."

This goddamn woman. I clenched my jaws unnoticeably and held in my ‘supposedly’ ecstatic face. Don’t you f*****g go and smile, Reisun. I warned myself and only nodded as my response.

How could she be that savage? That’s freaking cool. I noted and nodded again, to myself this time, although it might look like I am nodding to Alora. “What next, then?” I asked and crossed my arms, still hiding the proudness I am feeling for her.

“I saw her trembled in surprise and went to hug her to console her. Amongst us three, she’s the very one who can’t take criticisms. It’s my fault for spoiling her with flowery words, that she was so shocked to hear me opposing her.” Alora added and exhaled softly. She didn’t look so devastated this time. “Anyway, that’s it.”

What’s up with your reactions this time, girl? I wanted to ask but I prefer not doing so. I just wanted to conclude that Hanie’s a b***h. “But Hanie, she kind of made you the reason why she has decided to, you know…” I replied and she nodded. Hanie indeed is a super b***h. Maybe it's in their genes? Being bitchy and fucky?

“That’s the reason why I can’t move on.” Alora looked at her hands and fidgeted her fingers. “But when I gave you the letter and I decided to review what happened that day, I sorta discovered my side.” She shyly added.

I smiled and agreed with a single nod. She must’ve been looking at herself in Hanie’s perspective for a whole year that she forgot she’s innocent. I understand now. I f*****g understand why she’s so frustrated and pitiable. She was I, when I was younger. I thought and remembered why I developed my unique sense of depicting one’s feeling towards me just by their eyes—because I used to look at myself in and from their perspectives.

“Grei,” Alora called me and I completely focused my gazes on her. I’m glad to see the phases of your moon. “As I have said, Manasseh already said the same thing as you did—”

“Please forgive me and don’t make me remem—”

“But I did not feel so dejected when I first heard it from him.” She cut me off for cutting her off.

“What do you mean?” I tilted my head a bit and furrowed my brows. Her unsettled eyes travelled shifted everywhere but mine. She won’t look at me now.

“I never fought back before, to Manasseh, to our classmates, to the Parks, because I thought I deserve it. But when you called me that…” Alora lowered her head a bit and her voice muffled. But that obviously can never stop me from hearing what she’s saying. “…I was really mad at myself for accepting the false accusation that I am a murderer.” She almost whispered. 

I gritted my teeth as I realized what she’s saying but I did not take my glance off of her. She f*****g knew she wasn’t Hanie’s murderer all this time, but because of her godforsaken sense of acceptability, she took all the mocking and untrue imputation that she indeed is the reason of why Hanie died.

"Grei, I am not a murderer. I am not Hanie's murderer. I am not..." She mumbled and I smiled without saying anything back about it.

This is so f****d up. But… “Why am I the reason again?”

“I don’t know.” She raised her head a little bit. “Maybe because I like you?” She answered and I nodded.

“I’m glad you do. I do like you as well. I’m glad you accepted me as your friend.” I replied and she pulled her head up, with her eyes glaring at me. Okay, why is she furious now? I arched my brows as I look at her and she rolled her eyes at me, and began to observe the people walking again.

Both of us were speechless for a moment.

It was an impulse but I think I won’t take that back. The fact that I learned a lot from her and that I quite enjoyed uncovering everything weren’t in vain. I indeed had fun with her. I felt the feeling of having a friend, even for a short f*****g while… And I probably need to cut it off now.

“Let me take you home now, Alora.” I spoke to break the silence. And let us not meet again.

“Grei.” She rose up and looked at me, with another expression I am not too fond of. “I am not sure why am I feeling this but can I ask you about something I am currently feeling?”

The f**k is with the redundancy? I crumpled my forehead for a second but did not speak a word about it. “I don’t get it but sure.” I replied while staring at her. I used to wonder what sound should she make if I were to kill her, or how loud will her heart pounce once I pointed my gun on her forehead. I never expected everything to escalate like this. If this were a novel, I would f*****g drop it now. I thought with a straight face. I did not enjoy the truth I learned, however, to take my effort and a bit of changes into consideration, being with Alora isn’t completely pointless.

“Please correct me if I’m getting it wrong but…” She paused for a second and scratched her nape. “Are you going to disappear before me and not return forever?”