Sweet Treats and Deadbeats

CHAPTER 9: Through Confession Comes Grace (Part1)

Madison

I picked Declan up from the police station a little after midnight. He’d been kept in an open cell until he felt he was calm enough to leave. Ross gave me his apologies and asked that I make sure Declan got home safely. I promised him that I would.

After kicking the car door, Declan climbed inside. His eyes were a dark moss green, a color I’d never seen them. For a minute, I was scared. The last thing I wanted was to be in a car with a volatile man. In the past, that hadn’t ended well for me.

With shaking hands, I started the ignition. Declan put the satellite radio on some angry rock station. It was so loud that the windows were shaking. I kept my mouth shut because maybe this was what he needed.

“I want to kill those stupid motherfuckers for what they said about you! I can’t stop thinking about it. Distract me, sweetheart.”

Gulping, I looked over at him. His body was coiled, ready to spring. I was pretty sure Declan owned a gun. I knew that if he didn’t calm down, there would be more trouble.

“I, um, told my babies what happened.”

He groaned, sinking further into the seat. “Why in the hell did you do that? Now they’re going to be scared of me.”

Sighing, I continued to navigate the vehicle. “They aren’t scared of you, Declan. The story is all over town. I wanted to make sure they heard it from me. I don’t lie to my children. They actually asked me to give you some things.”

“Really, like what?”

“You’ll see when we get to your house. I used your car to pick the kids up and take Neal to the sober house after you got arrested. I hope you don’t mind. Laurie drove it home for you. She stayed at the station until Ross sent her home. She was frantic, Declan.”

He pulled his fingers through his hair, looking utterly defeated. It broke my heart. Although Declan was much bigger and stronger than me, there was something vulnerable about him. We had that in common. It was one of the reasons I was so attached to him.

“Of course, I don’t mind.”

When we pulled up to his house, the porch lights were on. I climbed out of the car, hoisting my small overnight bag. Whether Declan agreed or not, I was planning to spend the night. He definitely didn’t need to be alone.

“Laurie is at my house. I invited her for dinner and to spend the night. She’s probably asleep, but you should leave her a message.”

He nodded, taking the bag from me and opening the door. Brando rushed forward, wagging his tail happily. Declan bent down to ruffle his fur.

“I’m sorry, boy. I didn’t even think about you. I understand if you hate me.”

I knelt down to their level so that I could nuzzle the relieved dog. “Don’t worry, I fed and took him for a walk.”

Soon, I noticed that Declan was extremely sweaty. His potent scent was even stronger than usual. My insides quivered, imagining his slippery body sliding in and out of my wet folds. Hopefully, s*x would get his mind off of killing Ted and those other asswipes.

“Declan, let’s go upstairs. I want to take care of you,” I purred seductively.

He stood up, looking at me as if I was an alien. For a minute, I thought he was going to kick me out. My heartbeat sped up as he continued to glare at me with…hate in his eyes. Something was wrong.

“Is that what you think I need right now, Madison? You ask me to f**k you when I’m this angry! Do you want to get hurt? Go home. I don’t want to see you right now.”

Putting my hands on my hip, I poked him in the chest. “You won’t hurt me. I was just trying to help! Don’t speak to me like I’m an i***t. If you want me to go then I will, but I’ll be right outside in my car making sure that you don’t leave the premises.”

As I turned away, Declan grabbed my arm. Automatically I flinched, pulling away. His grip was too tight. His body heat was like an oven. Without a word, he carried me up the stairs.

When we got to his bedroom, he tossed a pair of women’s exercise shorts and a sports tank to me. They looked brand new and smelled clean. I slipped out of my clothes, putting them on awkwardly. While I was doing so, I tried to catch Declan’s eye, but he was too busy throwing on his own workout attire.

“Come with me,” he said, again dragging me along.

He took me to a part of the house I’d never been in before. Eventually, we stopped in front of a double door. Declan glared at me before leading us inside. It was a…workout room, scratch that, it was a full on gym.

The room was octagonal with large floor length windows. I knew little about home architecture, but the glass looked thick, possibly bullet proof. The carpet was dark blue. The space was filled with every type of gym equipment I’d ever seen and more. There were weights, elliptical, treadmills, punching bags, and even a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall.

I found the remote and flipped the television on. Some sports commentator from ESPN began yapping away about football. Honestly, I didn’t care, but we needed the background noise.

Silently, Declan handed me a pair of red boxing gloves. I put them on, eying him warily as he slipped on his own blue gloves. I would have preferred f*****g against a wall, but if this was what Declan needed then I was game.

“My dad took me to see my first boxing match when I was twelve,” Declan mused, punching the bag hard, “It was one of the only times I remember having fun with him.”

“That’s nice. I feel bad that Noah doesn’t have a father who can be in his life. Every time Tom took him out, I was afraid he was going to get hurt.”

Narrowing his eyes, Declan looked over at me. “Noah does have a father that can be in his life. Me.”

Oh s**t. This is not going to go well.

“Declan, I appreciate all the time and attention you give my babies, but, you are not their father. I don’t expect you to be.”

Like a pro, he pulled his fist back before sending a mighty blow to the bag. I was almost surprised he didn’t break the thing. After that, he did several roundhouse kicks. I stood back, just admiring his form. He was very physically fit and it showed in the supple lines of his bare abdomen and muscular biceps.

“Remember what we were talking about earlier today, Madison? The baby? Why won’t you let me in your life? I’m tired of this in-between bullshit. I want more. I deserve more. I want us to be exclusive. If we came out and stopped sneaking around, the rumors would stop.”

I sat down on the floor, curling my knees up to my chest. “I can’t give you that, Declan. I told you my reasons for not wanting a baby. Why won’t you let it go? I don’t want to date and be in a relationship because they never work out. The gossip wouldn’t stop, if anything it would be worse.”

He punched the bag one more time before throwing off his gloves. “So that’s it! You are embarrassed of me. At least the truth is out. I’m okay for you to f**k, but imagining a future with me makes you sick, doesn’t it?”

It was my turn to vent. I stood up, walked to the punching bag, and began to let loose. My form wasn’t anywhere near as good as Declan’s, but I knew how to hit things. After awhile, my arms began to get tired.

“That’s not true! I’m not ashamed of you. You are talking about a future, babies, and being a father to my kids. We haven’t even known each other that long! I’m not ready for any of that. This whole thing started out as us being f**k buddies. Later, we became friends. I love you, but… I don’t want to be your girlfriend. In fact, I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend,” I countered.

When I turned around, Declan was right behind me. His slick, lean body towered over mine, and his sweaty, copper-toned hair was sticking up in every direction. The look in his eyes was lethal, almost deadly. Gulping, I stepped away.

“So all you want is to f**k? Fine by me. I’ll give you the f**k of a lifetime, but then I want you gone. I’m thirty-four-years-old. I don’t have time to play games.

“I messed up in the past, but I want a family. I want someone to come home to that loves me. I thought that could have been you, but clearly, I was an i***t. You think I need you,” he chuckled. “Well I don’t. It’s you that needs me.”

Although his words made me angry, I was turned on. My n*****s were hard and needy as my body prepared for what he could give me. I knew without a doubt that this was the last time. He was right; he deserved more than what I was willing to give. I wanted Declan to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me. This was going to destroy my heart, but it had to be done.

“I only need you for one thing, Walsh, and that’s getting me off. f**k me now, and I’m gone. We never have to see each other again.”

After those words, he carried me to a weight bench in the corner, taking time to lay me down gently. I wiggled out of the tiny shorts and tank. Declan only had a pair of sweatpants on. His d**k was long, hard, and ready for my body. Not wanting to wait I grabbed him, stroking the head as he struggled to get a hold of himself.

“I want it rough and fast. There’s no reason for it to be gentle,” I demanded, squeezing him.

When I tried to kiss him, he turned away. “None of that, Madison. For our last time let’s stick strictly to the f**k part.”

With one hard pump, he was inside of me. My fingernails dug into his back as I tried to adjust to his large size. It was the pain and pleasure thing again, but this time pain was winning out. It wasn’t so much physical pain, it was more the feeling of loss and helplessness.

“s**t,” he groaned, opening my legs wider.

Something deep inside of me snapped as my first o****m hit. Whimpering, I clung to Declan’s strong shoulders. They were all that anchored me to the bench. He was like a man possessed, thrusting, squeezing, plunging… It hurt so good.

“Is that all you’ve got, Walsh. Harder… I want it harder.”

He pulled out and flipped me over so that I was on my hands and knees. Without warning, he gripped my hips, pushing inside of me again. At that angle he was able to go delve deeper. I screamed as he pulled on my ponytail.

Declan’s c**k seemed to get bigger with every thrust. As I pushed my hips back, he tugged on my n*****s. My second o****m was even stronger than the first. My whole body spasmed and shook. Declan screamed my name. All we were was two sweaty bodies, panting and making animalistic sounds.

Several minutes later, Declan put me beneath him again. He looked deep into my eyes as he pinched my c**t. In return I pulled his hair, This was all too much. I needed to get out while I still had the strength.

“Stop! I can’t… Stop, Declan!” I begged, pushing at his chest.

Instead of listening, he bit down on my n****e, continuing to pound inside of me. The way he was squeezing my thigh, I knew there were going to be bruises later. I had become the receptacle for his anger.

Eventually he pulled out, shoving himself roughly into my mouth. My juices mingled with his taste, but I didn’t give a f**k. He played with my extremely swollen c**t while I blew him. All it took was one swirl of my tongue on his c**k head to make him come. Like any good w***e, I swallowed as much as I could.

Declan didn’t even spare me a glance before collapsing on the floor. I curled up into a little ball, trying to keep the hurt inside. I failed miserably, though. Before long I was sobbing. When all my tears were gone, I got up and put the gym clothes back on. Now that we’d f****d for the last time, I just felt dirty and sore.

“Goodbye, Declan,” I whispered.

Not surprisingly, he didn’t follow or try to stop me. I was halfway to the door when I turned around. Declan was hurting. If I left him in that condition, he would do something reckless and get hurt or worse.

I can’t leave him. I… love him too much.

When I got back to the gym, he was still laying on the floor with his arm over his eyes. I knelt down beside him. His nudity was distracting, so I tried to put his pants back on. Thankfully he helped me. Slowly, he opened his tearful green eyes, imploring me to do… something.

“Come on, let’s go shower,” I said, helping him to his feet.

Five minutes later, we were at the foot of the stairs. Declan scooped me up into his arms and easily carried me. I wrapped my arm around his neck for leverage. To him, my weight was nothing. I’d never felt so feminine and dainty.

When we reached the master bathroom, I turned on the shower and stripped. Declan was right behind me. He didn’t say anything, but he helped soap me up. I was still very sore, so when he pressed a washcloth to my core, I hissed. He recoiled, dropping down on his knees and placing my left knee on his shoulder.

“I hurt you, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whimpered, kissing my sensitive flesh.

I tried to talk to him but he turned away from me. We finished bathing in silence. I hated that there was still a rift between us. I just wanted the old Declan. The dark side of him frightened me beyond belief.

“Um, Declan…” I hedged, throwing on one of his gray Henley’s, “I need to get back home. It’s after two. Pack a bag and let’s go.”

He stopped in the middle of putting on a white t-shirt. “Bye.”

Placing my hand on my hip, I glared at him. “Did you hear me? I meant we need to go. I’m not leaving you alone. You can brood at my house. If you don’t want to sleep with me, you can take one of the guest rooms. They’re all clean.”

Declan stomped over to my side. He looked like an angry panther with his wild hair and almost catlike eyes. “You are not my f*****g mother! I’m a grown man, and I can take care of myself. Go home to Noah and Sophie. You’re not wanted here.”

Told you dumbass. Why don’t you ever listen to me? My thoughts were definitely not Team Madison.

“You’re right, I’m not your mother. You should be glad I’m not, because if I were you’d be over my knee. Stop being a whiny ass b***h and grab a f*****g bag! I’m sleepy and I don’t have the willpower to keep arguing with you,” I screamed, poking him in the chest.

“Go home,” he bellowed, kicking a pile of books that were by his bed.

“Not without you.”

The bastard took out his cell phone. “Hello, Ross, I’d like to report a trespasser. The name…” he smirked," Madison Smith. Yes, that’s right. She is on my property and will not leave… I don’t give a f**k! Come get her… Great, thanks for the help, Sheriff. I won’t bother calling you again."

Smiling, I stretched my arms over my head. “I take it he’s not coming. You’re going to have to physically throw me out.”

He pulled on a pair of flannel pants before hoisting me onto his shoulder. I kicked, screamed, and pummeled his back, but he didn’t even falter.

Before long, we were outside in front of my car. He fumbled in my purse for the keys. After he found them, he opened the door and put me in the driver’s seat. I hadn’t been so angry since Tom’s phone call.

My lower lip began to tremble signaling waterworks. I was embarrassed because I didn’t like for people to see me cry, and Declan always seemed to be present when I did. We were on an emotional roller coaster.

“Fine! Stay here in your mansion and feel sorry for yourself. Me not wanting a baby and stuff isn’t all about you, you know? I’m coming off of a failed marriage. I gave birth three times already…”

He turned around, worry and pain in his eyes. “What…what happened, Madison?”

Fumbling, I pulled out some tissues from my purse. The only other person I’d ever talked about this with was Tina. Sophie and Noah knew that they had a baby brother in heaven, but kids don’t really understand.

“What do you care? Just… never mind. I don’t want to talk about it. Goodnight, Declan.”

When I pulled out, he was running to his garage. I knew without a doubt he would follow me home. I kept my speed limit slow, and low and behold, he appeared in my rear view. He was driving a sleek black Ducati. I’d always had a fantasy about having s*x on a bike beneath the stars. Tom had taken me riding, but we’d never done that.

Declan made it to the house a minute before me. After snatching off his dark blue helmet, he raced to my car door. I took my sweet time getting out, hoping that no neighbors were awake. It was bad enough that I’d have to deal with the nosy gossips in a few hours.

“Why did you follow me, Declan? I thought you wanted to be alone.” I asked, hopping out of the car.

After getting the picnic basket I’d made for him out of the car, I walked to the front door. Declan ran his fingers through his unruly hair as he followed close behind. Once inside, I went to the kitchen and began unloading the food.

“I made chicken and dumplings, macaroni and cheese, and buttermilk biscuits. If you’re hungry, I can warm you up a plate. Do you want something to drink?”

He shook his head and took a seat on the bar stool. “I’m not hungry or thirsty, but thanks for the offer.”

I nodded and put the Tupperware containers in to the refrigerator. I smiled when I saw that Sophie had taken initiative and packed both she and Noah’s lunches for tomorrow. My baby girl was always so helpful. I just hated the fact that she had to grow up so quickly.

After sitting down, I opened a bottle of water and took a long swig. Declan was fidgeting. He stared at me like I was a science experiment. Uncomfortable, I put the bottle down.

“Are you going to make me ask again, Madison?”

“I.. I got pregnant when Sophie was three. It was unplanned. Tom had a million gambling debts, so it was awful timing. He didn’t even claim or want Sophie, but I refused to have an abortion. I was working a lot and not taking care of myself… The baby… the baby was born…,” I trailed off, sniffing.

He pulled me into his lap, and damn if it wasn’t the most comforting place to be at that moment. “Go on,” he encouraged, wiping my face.

“He was a beautiful baby boy, but…he was stillborn. The doctors said there was nothing I could have done, but I blame myself. Tom blamed me, too. Thankfully, God saw fit to give me Noah. Losing my baby almost killed me, Declan. The day… that I pushed you away before the boat trip… that was the annual date. I’m sorry.”

He leaned down, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I shivered, wrapping my arms around his neck. In return, he lapped at my tongue, coaxing it into his mouth slowly. A red-hot heat burned in my lower belly.

“Mommy, I had a bad dream,” Noah wailed, walking into the room.

Guiltily, I jumped away from Declan.

“Hey, little man,” he said, lifting my baby.

Noah’s whole face lit up. “Dex! Mommy said you were in time-out for grown ups. I missed you.”

The sight of my son in Declan’s strong arms made me weak in the knees. He was so good with my babies. Tonight had been rough, but I knew Declan loved us, and we loved him. Was it enough, though?

“Baby, what did you dream?” I asked, taking Noah from Declan. He laid his soft little head right over my bosom. It was his happy place.

I’d spoken to a family therapist in Seattle and was considering counseling. The scars with Tom went deep. We all needed to heal. I didn’t want my children’s future relationships to suffer because of my poor decisions.

“There was a bad man. He took me away from you and Sophie. He said I couldn’t see you anymore. I tried to run but he was too fast.”

“What did the bad man look like, Noah?” I asked hesitantly. Declan, sensing something was wrong, grabbed my hand.

Noah twirled my hair around his pudgy little finger before speaking. “He had hair like me but his eyes were like Sophie. He was big and scary.”

Taking a deep breath, I hugged and kissed the hell out of my baby. He’d described Tom. “No one will ever take you away from me. I promise you, sweetie.”

After Noah calmed down, Declan and I read him a bedtime story. I decided that the kids could take a day off of school, because we all needed a day of rest. The news perked Noah up until I told him that we would still be having study time.

Before we left the room, Declan slipped him a stick of Laffy Taffy candy. He did it on the sly, but I was used to watching sneaky children so I caught it easily enough. Shaking my head, I turned on the nightlight and partially closed the door.

We were halfway to my room when the door to one of the guest rooms opened. Laurie, in a long cashmere robe, stepped out of the room. She blinked a few times, clearing the cobwebs out of her eyes.

When she saw Declan, she squealed and jumped into his arms. “Declan, you i***t! I was so worried. Why were you fighting? Mom and Dad were calling all night.

Carefully, he set her on her feet before answering. “It’s none of your business, blondie. Mom and Dad only care about me as their meal ticket. I’m fine. I chose to stay. They didn’t hold me or call my probation officer. It’s over.”

Laurie’s ice blue eyes cut to me. “It was you, wasn’t it? Declan can do so much better. I know he feels sorry for you or whatever, but…”

I recoiled from her ugly words. It felt like someone had slapped me. For a moment, I was speechless. I thought Laurie and I were becoming friends, so her words really hurt me.

“Shut up, Laurie,” Declan thundered, “You don’t know anything about me and Madison’s relationship. I don’t feel sorry for her, and Madison is the best. Watch what you say about the woman I love.”

“Love?” Laurie screamed, throwing up her hands, “What do you know about that? We certainly didn’t learn it at home. As far as I know, it doesn’t exist.”

Deciding to be the bigger person, I faced Laurie head on. “It does exist. It’s just hard to find. I know I may not be who you imagined for your brother, but I do love him, Laurie. Can’t you give me a chance? I really want us to be friends.”

She huffed, glaring at Declan and me. “Whatever. I’m going back to sleep. This won’t end well for either of you. Remember my warning.”

“Ignore her,” Declan said, leading us toward my bedroom.

“Um, are you sleeping in here with me? The other guest room is available if you don’t…”

He shook his head. “I want to stay with you tonight, if that’s okay?”

After shedding our clothes, we climbed under the covers together. I was only wearing Declan’s shirt and he was in a pair of sweats. I loved sleeping on his bare chest, where his scent was strongest. He made me feel safe.

“Declan, I… The reason I don’t like having s*x in beds is because of Tom. Sometimes, he would… he would come home drunk or angry. I was tired a lot from working to help with the bills. Um, he didn’t stop…when…” This was harder than I thought it would be.

“That monster r***d you!” He screamed, sitting up.

“No, no. It wasn’t r**e. Jesus! He just didn’t care if I came or not. He also didn’t ask permission sometimes, but we were married so technically he didn’t have to. I… would just feel so used after he finished. He treated… he treated me like a s*x toy.”

Surprisingly, Declan pulled out his cell phone. I listened as he left an angry message with his lawyer. It was about Tom’s attempted custody case. When I pointed out to Declan that it was after three in the morning and Daniels was likely asleep, he hung up.

“Tom,” he sneered, “is not coming near you or our kids. That bastard has no right after all this time! Noah is having nightmares and there’s no telling how it will affect Sophie…”

Because I couldn’t resist any longer, I pulled Declan down for a long deep kiss. He kept saying our kids, and damn it to hell if that didn’t sound good. Who knew a guy I met in a random car f**k would turn out to be a better man than the one I married and had kids with? Go figure.

He massaged the tops of my thighs, taking time to kiss my nose, lips, and forehead. Slowly, but surely, his hands crept up the Henley until they reached my breasts. Pebbled n*****s were his prize and he smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

Using his gifted tongue and perfect teeth, he coaxed moans from deep in my throat. I knew I was too tired and sore for s*x, but he felt so damn good. At that moment, I couldn’t have denied him anything.

“Sweetheart, will you do something for me?”

“Anything,” I panted, tracing the lines of his abdomen.

“Let me take you out on a date.”

I pulled away. “Uh… I’m not really into the whole dating thing, Declan…”

He scowled.

Thankfully, his phone interrupted us. I vaguely wondered who would be calling so late, but I wasn’t dumb enough to look a gift horse in the mouth. After checking the number, Declan answered.

“Sorry, I called so late, but… What? It can’t be… We had private investigators… Yeah. Is he willing to talk? I can’t believe it, Daniels. I don’t want to get my hopes up…”

The conversation wasn’t making any sense. I made hand gestures, signaling Declan to explain, but he just held up his finger in the universal “wait a minute” sign. I rolled over and closed my eyes. He could tell me later. I was exhausted.

I had been dozing for several minutes when Declan shook my shoulder. Cranky, I pushed him away, burrowing under the covers. He was a persistent bastard, so I turned around to slap him. The radiant smile on his face and the tears stopped me, though.

“That was Daniels. There’s a chance that I didn’t kill anyone. There’s new evidence. I can’t f*****g believe it, sweetheart.”

I stared at him blankly, my brain was foggy from lack of sleep. “I don’t understand… What’s happened?”

He laid right on top of me before answering. “Madison, I may be an innocent man.”